Star Wars/Armageddon Crossover

[adea]

This is my take on what i think are two of the greatest films ever created, Star Wars and Armageddon!

The setting is Naboo, an sticking with the original story, an asteroid is on its way to destroy the beautiful planet. The planets only hope is a team of former Jedi turned plasma drillers, who are sent up to drill, drop a nuke, and destroy the asteroid. But will they succeed?

Cast

Harry Stamper - Obi Wan Kenobi
Dan Truman - Qui Gon Jinn
A.J Frost - Anakin Skywalker
Grace Stamper - Padme Kenobi (amidala)
Chick – Neeja Halcyon
Rockhound – Cin Drallig
Colonel Willy Sharpe – Ki Adi Mundi
Oscar – Plo Koon
Bear – Kit Fisto
Russian Lev – Yoda
Max – Agen Kolar
Jennifer Watts – Aayla Secura
General Kimsey – Mace Windu
Walter Clark – Panaka
President – Bail Organa
Dr Ronald Quincy – Mon Mothma
Freddy Noonan – Saesee Tiin


I'd like to dedicate this story to sexystarwarslover, her wonderful crossovers inspired me to do this crossover, and i hope ive done a good job, and that you all enjoy this, especially sexystarwarslover!

[adea]

Prologue

Beautiful flute music plays, as the image of Naboo grows larger.
“This is Naboo, at the time when the Gungans roamed a lush and fertile planet.”

A great asteroid flies towards the planet at incredible speed.

“A piece of rock just 6 miles wide changed all that”.

The asteroid hits Naboo, causing a giant red and orange mushroom shaped cloud, which begins to spread, burning everything in its path.

“It hit with the force of 10 000 nuclear weapons”

The explosion continues to spread.

“A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust; the sun was powerless to penetrate, for a thousand years. And in the darkness....a civilisation was removed from the Galaxy, forever”

The explosion covers the northern and southern hemispheres of Naboo, engulfing all the land and sea in fire, travelling around to the other side of the planet.

“It happened before.....It will happen again....It’s just a question, of when....”

Naboo is completely covered in fire and smoke, everything is burning....


ARMAGEDDON

[adea]

P4K, a building droid, turned its metal head towards the beautiful blue green sphere that was Naboo. Turning back, the droid proceeded to resume its work on the Nubian cruiser.

‘Control, the operational arm is failing to reboot’ said the droid.

Back on Naboo, Theed’s main space control centre, Qui Gon Jinn, former Jedi Master and now second in command at the control centre watched the screen intently, as PK4 re-attempted fixing the minor problem on the cruiser.


‘Highflyer, what’s the problem?’ asked Flight Director Panaka.

‘It just isn’t responding, any suggestions?’ asked the droid.

‘Hang on Pk4, we’ll figure something out for you’ replied Panaka. Qui Gon tapped Panaka on the shoulder, taking a seat next to him.

‘We got the top scientific minds in the Galaxy working on this’ he said to Panaka with a slight sarcastic smile. Panaka shook his head, silently chuckling.

‘Try whacking the thing’ continued Qui Gon.

‘Okay control, commence whacking’ replied the droid. The droid began to hit the side of the cruiser. The cruiser came back online.

A horrifying rumbling sound grew louder. Shotgun like pellets fired at the cruiser, ripping into its metal exterior. Part of the cruiser explodes, sending PK4 flying into space.

Inside the cruiser, Captain Antilles turned to his co-pilot.
‘What the Sith was that!’ exclaimed Antilles.

Outside the cruiser, pellets continue to pummel the cruiser, until finally, it explodes in a great ball of red and orange flames.


Back at the control centre, all the monitors in the room went dead.
‘All systems crashing’ shouted a Theed technician.

‘Massive failure, we’ve lost them’ called a second technician.

Qui Gon stared at the black screens, utter disbelief spreading across his face.


‘Multiple bogies, multiple bogies’ called a tech

‘Sector five niner, i have three....now five’ called another tech, their radar screens full of objects heading for Naboo.

‘My screens full, multiple tracks!’

‘It's heading towards the Keren sea board’.

‘It could be a surprise missile attack’ exclaimed one tech.

Outside, several pilots began running towards their Nubian starfighters, panic was rife.


In Theed Palace, General Windu placed and urgent call to the King of Naboo, King Organa.
‘Your Highness, the cruiser Highflyer just exploded in space’ he informed.


At space control, Qui Gon tried his best to organise the panicked workers.

‘Okay i want three groups, one, internal malfunction, start working back maybe it’s a glitch’ he continued to bark orders as control workers rushed to their positions.

[adea]

In the mountains of Naboo’s lake country, middle aged Nubian sat at the base of a large telescope, surveying the night sky.

‘Kyle...Kyle’ called a middle aged woman impatiently, ‘Your Shaak steak has been on the table for over ten hours!’ her expression became angered, ‘I wanna divorce’.

‘Bene I’m onto something big here...i don’t know what it is but it looks like somethin’s burnin up there’ replied Kyle, ignoring his wife’s protests, go get my holo-link book, will you get my link book, get the number for those guys at Theed space control’.

‘Excuse me’ said Bene incredulously, ‘am i wearing a sign that say’s Kyle’s slave?’

‘GO GET MY GOD DAMN LINK BOOK’ screamed the man. Bene returned to the house, slamming the door. ‘GET THE BOOK, GET THE BOOK, GET THE BOOK!’.


Back at Theed control centre, Qui Gon and his crew, search for answers as to what caused the devastation of the cruiser.

In an important looking speeder, General Windu and a fellow officer discussed the explosion.
‘Space command is reporting zero launches’, began the officer, ‘it might just be pieces of the shuttle breaking up?’

‘Yeah and it might just be Santa Claus’ retorted the General, a link in his hand, ‘until we get reliable conformation, we go to def con three’.


The sun was just rising in the busy city of Keren. As its inhabitants bustled about, going to work, a young man with his small dog like creature stood in front of a holo vid store, watching the various shows playing.

‘The cruiser Highflyer exploded in space at 3:47 eastern standard time’ began the holo-news reader. The man’s dog, seeing a chance for some fun, ran from his otherwise oblivious owner to a nearby stand full of goober fish toys, and began attacking one of them.
The store owner shouted, and struggled to reclaim the toy.

‘Yo fool’ shouted the young man, rushing over to the store. The store owner managed to free the toy from the dog’s mouth, and the two men begin to argue.


A distant roar grew louder, rattling the windows of several surrounding buildings. The young man snapped his head up, just as a great ball of fire, rock and smoke crashed into the ground. The man was blown back, as were several surrounding speeders. The holo-vid store, obliterated.


In a nearby traffic jam, a cab driver has to contend with two very disgruntled tourists.

‘I want to go shopping!’ exclaims the woman.

‘Me too’ replied the cab driver, sarcastically, ‘but we aint goin nowhere cause this a traffic jam!’


‘Little Richie....Little Richie!’ called the man, running to a huge crater set into the street, from which his dog is hanging, and the store owners legs protrude.

‘Somebody dial 911!’ cried the man.


In Keren’s air defence centre, workers watched in horror as hundreds of objects come onto their screens, heading straight for Keren.

‘I got one, two, three bogies...the whole board's lighting up!’ shouted a radar tech.

Small meteors begin plummeting to the ground, destroying buildings, exploding in the middle of streets. Speeders were thrown into the air, many people were being killed instantly.

‘Whoa!’ cried the cab driver, sticking his head out of the speeder window. An asteroid flies through the air close by. ‘Look at that!’

The meteor hit the ground, exploding, causing a building nearby to crumble.

‘WE AT WAR!’ cried the cab driver jumping from his speeder.

A meteor strikes a tall building, causing the top to collapse to the ground. Keren is in ruins, smoke and flames dominating the skyline.

At Theed space control, Qui Gon desperately tried to stay focused, as he and his co-workers watched the devastation on screen.

‘Now stay focused, we need to map the trajectory now’ ordered Qui Gon.

‘That could take a week’ exclaimed a tech.

‘Just find it! We need to know if the worst is over or if it’s on its way’ demanded Qui Gon.

‘We got General Windu on the line’ called Panaka. Qui Gon took the call.

‘We’ve got hits from Keren all the way down to Selton....we know they’re not missiles now what the hell is it?’ demanded Windu from the King's Palace office.

‘It's a meteor shower, that’s what took out the cruiser’ replied Qui Gon.

‘I’ve got the King on Nubian 1 demanding answers...is it over?’ asked Windu.

‘General, we’ve got 11 000 people at control trying to figure that out now, when we know you’ll know’ replied Qui Gon.

Keren was destroyed.

[adea]

‘Okay Kyle, i want you to take your time, yes your definitely the first’ replied Panaka, speaking through a comm. link.

‘Okay first co-ordinate, one two three nine, twelve thirty nine’ replied Kyle, studying the chart in front of him.

‘Theed security locked his location’ said a man to Panaka, whilst he covered the speaking end of the comm. link.
Panaka finished writing down the co-ordinates, handing the data pad to a fellow tech. Qui Gon took the link.

‘Now listen, Kyle, this is top secret’ he began.

‘Sir I’m retired Theed Navy i know all about classified’ Kyle replied importantly, ‘one more thing, the person who finds her gets to name her right?’

‘Yes, that’s right’ replied Qui Gon impatiently.

‘I wanna name her Bene, after my wife’ began Kyle. Bene looked at him, surprised, and smiling.

‘She’s a vicious life sucking b*tch from which there’s no escape’ continued Kyle. Bene raised her eyebrows angrily.

‘That’s...That’s sweet Kyle’ said Qui Gon, smirking slightly.


Back in the main control room, several techs began prepping a satellite that orbited Naboo, and began taking photos of whatever caused the meteor shower. What they found sent fear rippling through their very souls.


A tech fetched several large data charts, all showing a sizeable anomaly.

‘This is the anomaly at 16:43...and this is...’ began a scientist who worked with Qui Gon.

‘Enough with this anomaly crap’ interrupted King Organa, who was watching via holo-link from Nubian 1, ‘what is this thing?’

‘It's an asteroid your highness’ replied Qui Gon. The room fell silent.

‘How big are we talking?’ asked King Organa sombrely.

‘S..Sir our best guess is 97 point...’ began a tech.

‘It's the size of Theed sir’ Qui Gon cut in.

‘Qui Gon? We didn’t see this thing coming?’ asked the king incredulously.

‘Well are object collision budget is a million republic credits, that allows us to track about 2% of the sky, and begging your pardon sir but it’s a big ass sky'.

‘What about the ones this morning?’ interrupted General Windu via link from his office in Theed Palace.

‘Oh..those were nothing, about the size of basketballs....speeders...that sort of thing’ replied Qui Gon.

‘Is this.....going to hit us?’ asked King Organa, a hint of fear in his voice.

‘We’re efforting that as we speak sir’ replied Qui Gon.

‘What kind of damage?’ continued Organa.

‘Damage?...err...total sir, it’s what we call a global killer...the end of mankind on Naboo, doesn’t matter where it hits....nothing would survive...not even bacteria’ replied Qui Gon slowly, as if he himself were just taking it in too.

‘My god’ breathed King Organa, straightening up, ‘What do we do?’ he asked, praying they had an answer.


In the corridor outside the conference room, a tech named Jonah fled towards the room, a data pad in his hand. He reached the table in the middle of the room.


‘We have 18 days...before it hits Naboo’ he exclaimed, slightly out of breath. There was a collective gasp from all listening. Qui Gon closed his eyes, a pained expression sweeping his face.

[adea]

Obi Wan Kenobi was an ex-Jedi hiding out on Naboo to escape the clutches of the Empire. Almost 15 years ago, he’d fled the Jedi Temple based on Coruscant with several of his fellow Jedi, and his daughter, Padmé. Naboo had yet to feel the effects of the Empire, as the Sith ruled government had little interest in the small planet, however what they didn’t know, is that many renegade Jedi now lived and worked on Naboo, and for now, lived everyday lives.


Obi Wan still trained in the Jedi arts, but made his way plasma drilling all over Naboo. He was famed as being the worlds best, and worked hard for it. Although he missed his Jedi career, he found Plasma drilling to be another calling. It excited him, it was hard work, and fulfilling. And, having never had a true family save for his daughter, his co-workers became his family. All in all, life for Obi Wan was perfect.


Obi Wan shifted slightly, taking aim. Raising his golf club, he swung, hitting a small white golf ball.

‘Rise and shine!’ he called, smirking, as the ball hit a greenpeace water speeder. The occupants of the speeder dove behind their posters and banners to avoid being hit.

‘Stop the drilling, stop the drilling’ the activists continued to chant.

‘Four’ laughed Obi wan, swinging again. The activists shouted and swore at him, whilst Obi Wan merely laughed at them.

‘What you think they’re so mad about Neeja?’ asked Obi Wan to his companion, folding his arms.

‘Well i don’t think they like us drilling Obi Wan’ smirked Neeja.

‘Oh come on! Do you know how much plasma that speeder uses an hour’ called Obi Wan to the activists, laughing.

‘Uhh, theres something else, looks like number three chewed 180 feet last night’ continued Neeja, looking at his data pad. Obi Wan frowned.

‘Thats impossible, i shut number three down myself, how could that happen?’

Neeja sighed. ‘I’ll give you two guesses, but you’re only gonna need one’.

Obi Wan growled.

‘GOD DAMMIT ANAKIN!’ he thundered, hurling his golf club into the ocean.

[adea]

Obi Wan raced up a flight of rickety stairs towards Anakin’s quarters, a new golf club in his hands. He banged on the door with golf club.

‘I’m gonna kill him’ he muttered angrily, and proceeded open the door himself.

Anakin jumped from his bed as Obi Wan crashed into his room.

‘Anakin! Anakin you in here?! Well that’s just perfect, in bed. Get up!’ ordered Obi Wan angrily.

‘Obi Wan...you..er...wanted to see me?’ stammered Anakin, running his hands nervously through his curly, golden blonde hair. A woman’s foot slowly slid back under the covers on Anakin’s bed.

‘Yeah i wanted to see ya’ replied Obi wan angrily.

‘You’re pissed...okay...’ answered Anakin quietly.

‘No Anakin, you’ve seen me pissed. This isn’t pissed, this way, way beyond pissed. You know i shut down number three last night’ sounded Obi Wan, calmly.

‘Yeah, yeah man i had a hunch on that’ started Anakin.

‘Shut up. Listen, let me tell you something' growled Obi Wan, stepping closer to Anakin, 'someday, years from now, when your all grown up, and you got your own plasma company, and 8 million credits of your own money on the contract, you can go and do whatever comes into little Anakin idiot mind of yours’, Anakin shifted nervously, ‘but as long as it says Obi wan Kenobi Plasma on the rig you will not disobey my rules, you got that?’

‘Yeah..yeah i got it’ replied Anakin shiftily.

‘Right now, i wanna hear five words from you’ snapped Obi Wan. Anakin looked confused.

‘I’ll..never do that again’ Obi wan started, Anakin joining him.

‘You're right, I’m a fool, I’m a complete idiot..i don’t know what i was....’ rambled Anakin.

‘Wait..wait a minute, how long've you worked for me?’ inquired Obi Wan, sensing something was wrong with Anakin.

‘Five - wonderful – years’ replied Anakin.

‘In five years you have never apologized to me this quickly. Something's going on here, I'm gonna find out what it is’ retorted Obi Wan, studying Anakin for his reaction.

Obi Wan moved towards Anakin’s bed. Anakin jumped in front of him to stop him.

‘Wh...What’s goin on, I’m turning over a new leaf! You now, trying to learn from the man, what would Obi Wan do?’ stammered Anakin.

Obi Wan signalled for Anakin to shut up, and using his golf club, picked up a lacy black and white bra. Anakin looked horrified.

‘I’m at a loss for words..’ Anakin paused, ‘...Ok i can explain this’ he reasoned.

‘Oh you can explain this’, threatened Obi wan, pushing the edge of the golf club to Anakin’s neck, ‘you sure as Sith better be able to explain this, you just stay right here’.

Obi Wan turned to Anakins bed, pulling back the sheets with the club. A beautiful girl, with long curly brown hair, and deep, chocolate brown eyes lay unmoving.

‘Padmé’ gasped Obi wan. Padmé sat up, covering herself with the sheets.

‘Hi Obi wan’ she answered simply.

‘Padmé, i have repeatedly asked you to call me dad’ replied Obi Wan.

Padmé smirked, ‘Sorry Obi Wan’.

‘Get up and get your clothes on’ said Obi wan, turning to Anakin.

‘You just stay right here....I’ll be right back’ growled Obi Wan, struggling to stay calm.

He left Anakin’s room, as Anakin fumbled with his boots and took off from his quarters at top speed.

[adea]

Qui Gon stood before a team of top scientists and doctors, back in Theed. They had all come up with ways to solve the asteroid problem, and s far, they had let him down tremendously.

‘Right, do we have any other suggestions?’ asked Qui Gon, seriously dreading what he was about to hear.

‘Uh..a...a couple of us came up with this idea, we want to land a pod on the asteroid, and deploy several large sails...’ a young doctor began, as he showed them a miniature model of the pod. Qui Gon shook his head exasperatedly.

‘.....solar winds will be caught in said sails, an....’

‘ENOUGH! Come on guys, we can d better than this!’ cried Qui Gon. He turned, and saw Dr. Mon Mothma tapping furiously on the window.

‘What?’ he asked. Mothma smiled, and nodded at the vast amounts of paperwork held in her arms.


Anakin stumbled through a back door, out onto the rig. He jumped onto a large mass of pipes, teetering dangerously on the edge, about 20 feet up!

Obi Wan grabbed his blaster from his desk, soon accompanied by Neeja. Neeja shook his head wearily, and followed Obi Wan, as he aimed his blaster.

Anakin tore through the main office. He looked through the window, and saw Obi Wan aiming a blaster at him.

‘Man, he’s gonna shoot you!’ exclaimed Saesee Tinn.

‘Nah, he’s just messin...’ Anakin words were cut short by the shattering of the window before him. Anakin dove to the ground.

‘Are you crazy!’ he cried, before slipping through another door, and climbing up a pipe.

Obi Wan cocked his blaster, and continued his pursuit of Anakin.

‘Right before Anakin’s Mom died she told you to take care of him. I don't think shooting him is taking care of him’ reasoned Neeja.

‘I'm not gonna kill him’, replied Obi Wan calmly, ‘I'm just gonna shoot him in the leg. Man can still work with one leg! Remember that Paolo guy, who worked all those years with one arm?’

‘Yeah’, grimaced Neeja, ‘but he wasn't very good’.

Anakin scrambled onto a small platform, and rushed along it, coming face to face with Kit Fisto.

‘Hey Kit, you see Obi Wan you crack him with that wrench!’ he called, racing along the platform.

Obi Wan calmly rounded a corner. Kit stepped forward, blocking his path.

‘Hey man, why dont ya put the blaster down an....’ he started, in his trademark deep, booming voice.

‘Kit get outta the way, this doesn’t concern you’ ordered Obi Wan sternly. Kit raised his hands in defeat.

‘All right, just tryin to give my man a head start, that’s all’.

Anakin leaned over the guard rail, searching for Obi Wan. A nearby shot told him he was close.

‘Obi Wan! What the Sith are you doing!’ screamed Padmé from a nearby balcony.

‘Padmé, this is between me and Anakin, now go on and get some clothes on’ replied Obi Wan, indicating to Padmé’s coat that barely covered her.

‘You can’t control my life like this!’ shouted Padmé, seething. Obi Wan shrugged.

‘Fine....clothes, now!’

Obi Wan took another shot at Anakin causing him to yelp in fright.

‘Okay, okay....let’s all just calm down a second....and we’ll talk’ called Anakin fearfully, raising his hands.

Obi wan laughed, and took another shot at Anakin.
Anakin shouted in fear, and jumped down from the platform. He ran down a small causeway, but was cut off by Obi Wan.

‘All right, explain to me what you were doing with my daughter half naked in your bed!’ thundered Obi Wan. Neeja winced, and several other workers shook their heads.

‘Obi Wan this is NOT funny!’ screamed Padmé from a nearby platform. Obi Wan glared at her, as she made her way down to the causeway.

‘Listen...all right...man to man....i love her’ confessed Anakin. Obi Wan paused for a second.

‘Way wrong answer!’ he roared, firing his blaster again.

Anakin cried out in pain as the bullet ricochets into his leg.

‘You shot him!’ cried Padmé, rushing towards Anakin. Anakin continued to clutch his leg, howling in pain.

‘Yeah! It’s all fun and games till someone gets shot in the leg!’ thundered Anakin, as Padmé tended to his wound.

‘Ah come on, that was just a ricocheted, the bullet didn’t come anywhere close!’ retorted Obi Wan. High above them, several large speeders prepared to land on the rig.

‘Hey Obi Wan! Clients are here!’ called Rockhound.

[adea]

Back at Theed space control, Mon Mothma stood up, ready to explain her idea, however Windu got there first.

‘Okay, we’re going to send twelve nuclear warheads into space, and blast the thing apart’ started Windu.

‘That’s a terrible idea’ sounded Dr. Mon Mothma. Windu glared at the red headed woman.

‘I'll have you know that the King’s chief advisor is suggesting that a nuclear blast would be strong enough to deflect the asteroids trajectory

Mon Mothma stared incredulously at Windu, shaking her head. ‘I know the King's chief advisor, we were at MIT together. And, in a situation like this, you really don't want to take advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics. The King's advisors are... wrong. I'm right’ she replied.

'Who is this?!' spat Windu.

'Uhh, this id Dr. Mon Mothma, head of astronomics and space physics here at control....ummm...pretty much the smartest woman on Naboo, so you might wanna listen to her' smiled Qui Gon.

‘Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand’, she continued, ‘Set it off, what happens? You burned your hand. Now, take that same firecracker....’ she clenched her hand into a fist.
‘....and close your fist around it, set it off. Your wife will be opening your ketchup bottles the rest of your life’.

‘What is she suggesting?’ spat Windu, turning to face Qui Gon.

‘We drill.....we bring in the planets best deep core driller’ replied Qui Gon.


‘Listen, Obi Wan’, commanded Padmé furiously, ‘Anakin is my choice - my choice and not yours’.

‘He's the only one in your age bracket, Padmé’, replied Obi Wan impatiently, ‘That's not a choice, that's a lack of options’.

Grace stormed into her tiny office, grabbing several files.

‘I understand that you’re handicapped by a natural immaturity, and i forgive you’ she turned, stifling a smirk.

‘Well...i may be an immature father, but as your employer i want you on that crew boat and back in the office by Monday, you understand’ ordered Obi Wan, whose emotions were far from laughter.

‘Fine’ shrugged Padmé, ‘I quit’. She took the files and stormed from the office. Obi Wan shook his head wearily.

‘Padmé! Padmé you can’t quit now i need you here!’ here called, chasing after her. Padmé crossed a large platform, closely followed by her father.

‘Since when have i ever stopped you from doing anything!’ he called over the din of drills and clattering pipes.

‘What about having a life Obi Wan’ reasoned Padmé.

‘First time I got my period, Rock had to take me to Keren for Tampax. Then he had to show me how to use them’ shouted Padmé over the roar of the drills. Obi Wan stopped dead, rounding on Rockhound.

‘I told her how to use them. I didn't show her, Obi Wan’ he said defensively.

Padmé continued her rant.

‘I was playing with titanium death gauges when i should of been playing with dolls, i learned about the birds and the bees from Saesee Tinn’s tattoos....i was raised by roughnecks, and now you get all shocked and shaken when i fall in love with one!’ Padmé rounded on her father, as they reached the landing pad, ready to greet their guests.

‘So who’s the hypocrite here Obi wan, huh? Who?!’ she snapped, her chocolate brown eyes boring into her father’s green eyes.

Obi Wan was slightly taken back, but shook his head irritably.

‘Padmé, this has nothing to do with my problem with Anakin, you are both employee’s of mine!’ he called, as Padmé greeted the two Ansionian clients.

‘Ja kuta en lani...ray ho?’ smiled Padmé, as the clients nodded their heads.

‘Hey Obi Wan!’ cried the male Ansionian, giving a thumbs up.

Padmé turned, a sly grin on her face, mimicking the Ansionian’s hand movements.

‘What are you so smug about?’ asked Obi Wan, his eyes narrowing.

‘I’ve been seeing Anakin for five months Obi Wan’ she grinned, then turned away from the shocked look on her father’s face.

‘Ney dono see malai’.

[adea]

Back in Theed, Qui Gon addressed his fellow workers.

‘Two dozen recommendation calls, and the same name keeps popping up, this guy’s worked on every terrain this planet has to offer, he’s the world’s best’.


A sudden rumble shook the foundations of the rig. Several cables snapped, a loud hissing sound could be heard.

‘Padmé, get the clients to safety!’ thundered Obi Wan, as he raced to the source of the problem, drill number three.

‘Anakin, get up here!’ he ordered, as he and Kit desperately tried to shut off the valve.

The rumbling grew louder, and the rig shook violently. Anakin pushed his way towards Obi Wan.

‘You see, am i a genius, or am i genius!’ laughed Anakin, realising they were about to strike plasma.

‘Theres a reason i shut off number three you jack ass, it’s got a busted transmission!’ fumed Obi Wan.

A loud boom, followed by several louder crashes, and a great fountain of plasma erupted beneath them.

‘SHUT IT DOWN!’ thundered Obi Wan. Kit managed to shut off the valve, all of them dripping in plasma.

‘We struck plasma baby!!!!’ cried Kit, as the others clapped and whooped in joy.

‘Someone could’ve died today’ seethed Obi Wan. Anakin bowed his head.

‘You're fired’ spat Obi Wan, turning away from Anakin in disgust.

‘Hey Obi Wan, we got company!’ shouted Rockhound, as a large starship landed on the rig. Obi Wan grabbed a cloth, and began wiping the plasma off his face, and headed towards the landing pad.


‘Mr Kenobi’, introduced the uniformed man, shaking hands with Obi Wan, ‘I'm General Montgomery of the Naboo air forces’.
Obi Wan was about to respond, when he felt someone tap his shoulder.

‘Hey, Obi Wan’ whispered Rockhound, ‘man, i swear, she never told me her age’.

‘It's okay Rock, it’s for me’ replied Obi Wan.

‘Oh...never mind’ smiled Rockhound. Obi Wan stared at Rockhound, half amused, half confused.

‘I've been sent here by the secretary of defence on direct orders from His Majesty King Organa of Naboo...’ continued Montgomery. Obi Wan chuckled.

‘It's a matter of urgent national security. I need you to get on that chopper right now, no questions asked’ continued Montgomery, unperturbed by Obi Wan’s laughter.

‘Crazy Willie put you up to this?’ sniggered Obi Wan.

Montgomery raised an eyebrow, ‘I'm afraid I dont know Crazy Willie, sir. I'm dead serious about this’. Obi Wan sensed the urgency in the man’s voice, and decided to humour him.

‘All right...on one condition, my daughter Padmé comes too’ stated Obi Wan. Montgomery nodded, and two of his aides stepped forward, and lead Padmé away from Anakin, and towards the ship.

‘What did i do!’ she asked.

‘Neeja, get Anakin paid, and off this rig!’ called Obi Wan. Neeja nodded, and watched Obi Wan and Padmé disappear onto the ship, and fly into the Nubian sunset.

[adea]

Obi Wan and Padmé, along with the many General’s landed on large platform, infront of Theed Space Control Center. As they descended the ramp, several men awaited them.

‘Mr Kenobi, Miss Kenobi’ a man with long hair and a kind face said, extending his hand. Obi Wan and Padmé shook his hand, and awaited the explanation as to why they were in the capital of Naboo.

‘I’m Qui Gon Jinn, second in command here at control, this is General Mace Windu’ he indicated to the dark skinned man on his left, ‘im sorry for the inconvienience’.

‘Sir, we’ve been apologised to for the last 5 hours, just tell me whats going on’ replied Obi Wan impatiently. Windu glanced at Padmé.

‘Perhaps we should go inside’ he stated, as Obi Wan shook his head.

‘General, i dont keep any secrets from my daughter Padmé, so whether you tell her now, or i tell her later, she’s gonna find out’ answered Obi Wan defiantly.

‘Alright, come on in’ smiled Qui Gon.


Qui Gon motioned for the pair to sit down, and began to explain what exactly was going on

‘When the rogue comet went through the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel flying everywhere. For the next 11 days, Naboo’s in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid hits the water, it's still hitting land. It will slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Lake Country impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about 5 miles high. It will hit the West Coast and wash up in Spinnaker. Selton is gone, Theed is wiped out. Half of Naboo’s population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a nuclear winter’ he explained to the horrified guests in front of him.

‘Oh my god’ gasped Padmé quietly. She slowly took her fathers hand, he squeezed it gently.

‘And it’s coming for us’, continued Qui Gon, ‘right now, at 32 000 miles an hour....not a soul on Naboo can hide from it’.

‘600 million people on the planet....why did you guys call me?’ asked Obi Wan. Qui Gon turned to face Obi Wan.

‘We drill, we send up a team...drill a hole....drop a nuke, and blast this thing apart’.


‘We’re sending up two teams, we want you to train them how to drill’ said Qui Gon, as he lead Obi Wan and Padmé into a large hangar. Obi Wan surveyed the team before him, inconvinced. He turned to Qui Gon, and motioned for him to follow him.


‘You know....drilling’s a science....its an art....ive been drilling for 15 years...and i still havnt got it all figured out’ sighed Obi Wan. He turned to face Qui Gon.

‘ What's your contingency plan?’ sighed Obi Wan wearily.

‘Contingency plan?’ frowned Qui Gon.

‘ You know...Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?’ asked Obi Wan, bemused at Qui Gon’s lack of understanding.

‘No, we don't have a back up plan, this is, uh...’ started Qui Gon.

Obi Wan’s eyes widened incredulously, ‘And this is the best that you c - that the government, the Naboo Government could come up with? I mean, you're Theed Space Control for crying out loud, you created the hyperdrive, you're geniuses! You're the guys that're thinking crap up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking crap up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?’

Uhh...Yeah’ conceded Qui Gon. Obi Wan shook his head in disbelief.

‘Oh...force!’ he cried.

‘They’re the best at what they do’ replied Qui Gon, ‘will you help us?’ Obi Wan gazed into the sky for a moment.

‘All they gotta do is drill?’ he asked.

‘That’s it’ answered Qui Gon.

‘No fancy space walking crap?’ smirked Obi Wan.

‘Just drill’ smiled Qui Gon.

‘If i do this, im gonna wanna take my own men up’ stated Obi Wan.

‘You got it’ replied Qui Gon. Obi Wan studied him for a moment, then smiled.

‘All right...lets go get our team’.

[adea]

Padmé hurried towards the large desk where her father, Qui Gon, and several technicians sat. She handed them the data pads.

‘Okay, so we want Neeja definitely....just check every casino in Selton; smiled Obi wan.

‘Umm...Kit Fisto, probably the only Nautolon on a speeder bike in all Naboo’, he continued.

‘Plo Koon, spacey but a brilliant geologist, he owns a Shaak ranch up in Oxon city’ stated Padmé.

‘Cin Drallig, aka Rockhound, just check every bar in Spinnaker’ started Obi Wan.

‘We call him Rockhound, cause..well...he’s horny’ smiled Padmé.

‘You got a weight limit on this shuttle?’ smirked Obi Wan, as he stared at Agen Kolar’s profile.


After sifting through many data pads, they were still one man short.

‘How about Benny, he’s good’ suggested Padmé.

‘You and i both know Anakin’s the one we need’ mumbled Obi Wan. Padmé frowned a little.

‘I though you said you couldn’t trust him?’ she replied. Obi wan turned to his daughter.

‘I thought you said i could’.


Obi Wan grinned happily as he watched his fellow drillers file out of speeders. Padmé beamed at the men she’d come to know as family.

‘Hey Obi Wan, did NASA find plasma on Uranus?’ laughed Kit.


The team of plasma drillers, ordinary guys, sat in a darkened conference room, not quite believing what they were hearing.

‘None of you have to go’, stated Obi Wan, after filling them in on the mission, ‘You can all just sit here on Naboo and wait for this big rock to crash into it, killing everything and everybody we know. The Naboo Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?’

‘20 years’, Neeja shook his head, smiling, ‘Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there’.

‘Guess I can't let you go up there alone’ muttered Saesee Tiin.

‘I'm with you’ came Bear’s deep voice.

‘Man, this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in’ cried Plo in utter disbelief.

‘While I don't share his enthusiasm, you know me’, Rockhound shrugged, ‘Beam me up, Scotty!’

‘You all right, Agen?’ called Obi Wan.

Agen lifted his head from his arms. ‘ I... I... whatever you think?’ he groaned.

‘How about you?’ asked Obi Wan, turning to Anakin.

Anakin paused, staring at a model shuttle in front of him, his thoughts on Padmé. ‘I'm in’ he nodded.

Obi Wan nodded. ‘All right then. We go’. For a moment, no one spoke.

‘I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group’ started Rockhound, ‘but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?’


‘So what's the verdict?’ asked Qui Gon quietly.

‘They'll do it’ answered Obi Wan, ‘They've made a few requests though’.

‘Such as?’ asked Windu, raising an eyebrow.

‘Well, there's uh, few things here....’ Obi Wan rifled through the sheets of paper he held,

‘...nothing really big, uh, well as an example uh, Plo here's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record...’

‘Fifty-six tickets in seven cities...’ shouted Plo from the balcony behind them.

‘I'll tell 'em Plo, you got it’ Obi Wan called back.

He turned back to Qui Gon, ‘Uh, Saesee’s got some lady friends he'd like to see made Naboo citizens no questions asked...’

Saesee rubbed his hands together excitedly, ‘....Agen would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes’ frowned Obi Wan, turning to the balcony, where Agen nodded his head eagerly,

‘....Not sure if that's gonna work, but let's see what else... Neeja wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Queen Apailana, would ya?’ Windu looked ready to kill.

‘No?...Didn't think so. Um, Kit would like to stay at the...’ Obi Wan stopped, struggling to read the writing before him.

‘"White horse"?’ he stated, confused, turning to look up at Bear.

‘White, House, White House’ corrected Kit.

Obi Wan nodded in understanding, ‘White House yeah, he'd like to stay in the Veruna bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that’.

‘Sure, I think we can take care of... some of that’ replied Qui Gon, surpressing a grin.

‘Obi Wan!’ shouted Rockhound.

Obi Wan motioned back at Rockhound, ‘Yeah one more thing, uh... none of them wanna pay taxes again’. He paused.

‘Ever’.

[adea]

Windu looked at Obi Wan’s team’s profiles and records with disgust.

‘Listen, Qui Gon. If you think that this is going to impress me you're wrong’.

‘Actually, I'm kinda encouraged’ said Qui Gon brightly, ‘This guy here Halcyon was a army commando for 6 years’.

‘Yeah, and a few have connections with the mob. Some of them had done serious time’ growled Windu.

‘They're the best at what they do’ chided Qui Gon.

‘So am I’, spat Windu, looking completely flustered, ‘So, you need to tell me that the fate of the planet rests in a bunch of idiots I wouldn't trust with a toy blaster!’

‘They’re the worlds best, come on, its time for their physicals’ smiled Qui Gon.


Qui Gon entered a large examination room, where the physical and psychological tests were being held. He smirked a little, the drillers didn’t seem to be enjoying it.


Rockhound leafed through the Rorschach inkblots, ‘Woman with large breasts... woman with medium breasts...’ he rambled to the doctor. He stopped, looking diretly at the doctor.

‘This one looks like you...with breasts’.


‘Are you okay?’ asked Neeja, as Agen and Saesee scurried towards him in the main examination room.

‘Does this look okay to you?’ spat Saesee, hunched over.

‘Actaully, it feels kind of tingly’ stated Agen, as he jogged a little.

‘Mr. Halcyon, you're next’ called the nurse.

‘Ah lady, I just came here to drill’ groaned Neeja.

‘Oh! So did I’ grinned the nurse, holding up a formidable looking untensil. Neeja’s eyes widened, before he jumped to his feet and scurried away.


A young doctor approached Plo with a very large needle.

‘Who's that for? Mr. Ed?’ spat Plo menacingly, as he sat on an examination table. ‘You stick that thing in me, I'm going to stab you in the heart with it. You ever see Pulp Fiction?’


Rockhound lazily completed the rubix cube, then leant forward to the pyschologist.

‘You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Theed Uni for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?’


Anakin stared at the ink blot pictures before him.

‘This is Obi Wan Kenobi giving me a hard time and uh..this is Obi Wan Kenobi saying this is not good enough, and this is Obi Wan Kenobi saying I can't marry his daughter....thanks alot, appreciate it’.


‘I tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band’ stated Plo, leaning towards the psychologist.

‘Who's Jethro Tull?’ asked the doctor. Plo raised an eybrow in disgust.


‘I am not crazy! I'm just a little emotional right now, ok? Ya'll throwing all this stuff at me, man! Look, I mean, after this is over, can I like get a hug from you or something?’ sobbed Kit to the doctor.


‘A home run! The Cubs win the World Series! Ah’ called Agen, as the doctor wrestled the microphone from his hands.


‘Okay, Cyclops Lady is starting to bug me’ muttered Rockhound, pointing his thumb behind him.


‘Just let it out’ smiled the doctor, as Kit broke down in tears.


Dr. Rhule flipped through the patients reports.

‘Fail. Fail. Impressively fail! One toxicology analysis revealed ketamin, that is a very powerful sedative!’

‘Sedatives are used all the time, doctor’ replied Obi Wan lazily.

‘Well this one's used on Qualaar’s’ snapped Rhule.

‘Some of these guys are pretty big’ smirked Obi Wan.

‘I mean it'd normally take 18 months to train pre-screened, viable subjects for space travel!’ continued Rhule, turning to Qui Gon.

‘Can they physically survive the trip? That's all I need to know here, okay?’ cut across Qui Gon.

‘Personally’, smirked Rhule, ‘I don't know how they survived the tests’.


The files were approved.

[adea]

Qui Gon stood before Obi Wan and his team with Mon Mothma, in front of a large model of Naboo.

‘Okay, now, keep the laughter to a minimum. I know that this is not to scale. The 2 shuttles, the Freedom and the Independence, will take off on Katunda at 6:30 PM Eastern time. 67 minutes later, you will dock with the Space Station, where you will meet cosmonaut Yoda. You'll fill your shuttles with liquid O2, that's your fuel, then you'll release and take a 60 hour trip towards the Moon. Now we only have 1 shot of landing on this rock, and that is when the asteroid will pass by the Moon. You will use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters to slingshot around the Moon. You'll be travelling up to 12 G's at that point. You will then come up behind the asteroid, where we're hoping that the tail will be cleared of debris by the Moon's gravity...’ Qui Gon was cut off.

‘I remember this one!’ interrupted Rockhound, ‘This is one where the coyote sat his ass in a slingshot then strapped himself to an acme rocket. Is that what we're doing here?’

‘Rockhound’ warned Obi Wan.

‘No really, coz it didn't...’ began Rockhound.

‘Hey Rock!’ Obi Wan shouted over him, clearly annoyed.

‘...work out too well for the Coyote, Obi Wan!’ finished Rockhound.

‘We have a lot better rockets than the Coyote’ assured Qui Gon, turning back to the model.

‘So you drill, drop the nuke, and leave. Here's the key: you're going to remote-detonate the nuke... before the asteroid passes this plane..’ Qui Gon indicated to a screen behind him, showing a video of the asteroid.

‘.....Zero Barrier. If you do that, the fragments of the asteroid will be deflected enough to pass right by us. If the bomb explodes after Zero Barrier....’ The team watched as fragments of the ‘asteroid’ hit Naboo.

‘...game's over’.

‘Ok, Mr. Jinn, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?’ asked Plo.

‘200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that’ explained Qui Gon. Plo looked terrified.

‘Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable’ he mumbled.

‘So...umm....what kinda shuttles are we going in?’ asked Anakin. Qui Gon smiled.


The team of drillers were lead into a large hangar.

‘You're the first civilians to see them’ smiled Qui Gon, as they entered the hangar. Obi Wan and his team stared in awe at the two massive space shuttles before them.

‘They’re specially designed to withstand the temperatures and terrain on the asteroid...they’re the only one’s of their kind’ explained Qui Gon proudly. He led the team over to a small group of people dressed in blue jumpsuits.

‘Talk about the wrong stuff’ joked Ki Adi Mundi, as the drillers approached.

‘Okay guys, I’d like you to meet the crew that’s taking you up, this is Colonel Ki Adi Mundi, and co-pilot Ayla Secura of the shuttle Freedom’, he announced, indicating to the cone headed man and the turquoise Twi’Lek woman on the left.

‘and this is Colonel Oppo Rancis and co-pilot Ben Jungan of the shuttle Independence’ he pointed to the large reptilian man and a small human man.

‘Lieutenants Gruber and Halsey are in charge of the nuke....and well...i just thought you guys should meet’ smiled Qui Gon. The drillers smiled nervously at the spacewalkers glared at them.

[adea]

The drillers began their training, first up, weightless environment. They stood in a large hangar, dressed in bulky white spacesuits, as Aayla Secura explained all about the weightlessness they’d experience.

‘This is Gray Mendes, walking on the moon, Rori. He is bouncing because there is less gravity. This will be similar to the asteroid. So, watch it’ explained Aayla.

‘Is it me or is Secura kind of hot?, whispered Plo to Kit. Kit nodded.

‘What we have here are these special space suits. So, you will not bounce like Gray Mendes’ Ayla snapped her head towards Kit, who was laughing at something Plo had just said.

‘Kit! Do we have a problem?’ snapped Aayla, sauntering over to him.

‘No maim’, muttered Kit.

‘Good. Because what I'm telling you is how these space suits keep your ass on the ground. So if I was to kick you in the balls and you don't know how to use them, what would happen to you?’ spat Aayla menacingly.

‘I...I float away’ mumbled Kit.

‘Right’, smirked Aayla. She turned to the rest of the team.

‘Gentlemen, you’ve got 30 seconds to get your helmets on, before the oxygen his sucked out of this hangar, and you will know what it feels like on that asteroid’.


The drillers entered the pool, ready to begin tests on the equipment they’d use.

‘Okay, steady Plo, back it down to one ninety’ said Obi Wan from the control room.

‘The computer is goin to simulate a gas pocket at 280 feet’ announced a tech.

‘Slow it down Anakin, your gonna blow the transmission’ stated Obi Wan calmly. Anakin pushed a lever forward.

‘Hey Anakin, boss said slow it down’ said Kit nervously.

‘Hey, Obi wan isn’t here, up on that rock, im in charge’ snapped Anakin, ‘im pushing through’.

‘Back up Anakin, your gonna blow the transmission’ repeated Obi Wan, a tone of anger in his voice.

‘Listen Obi Wan. I know what im doing, she can handle it!’ snapped Anakin. The simulator shook violently. A loud siren sounded, and the simulator crashed.

‘I was right and you know it!’ shouted Anakin, ‘the computer playing it safe, the machine you built can handle it!’

‘Get him outta there’ spat Obi Wan, seething.

Anakin was lifted out of the pool. He removed his helmet and shook his curly blonde hair. Obi Wan stormed up to him.

‘You want to go home? Is that it? You want to get fired?’ thundered Obi Wan.

‘No. My team was...’ started Anakin, but he was cut off when Obi wan grabbed his collar and pushed him against the wall.

‘Your team? Your team just blew the whole transmission, Anakin!’ he shouted.

‘No, the computer was playing it safe...’ explained Anakin, but Obi Wan had had enough.

‘Shut up! Just Shut up! Those people in there have zero tolerance of you showing off, hot doggin', going by your gut instincts or you trying to be a hero. You got that?’

Anakin nodded weakly.

‘Say the words, Anakin’, snapped Obi Wan.

‘I got it’ spat Anakin.

Obi Wan returned to the control room. Qui Gon approached him.

‘You know, if you wanna replace a team member now’s the time to do it’ he stated. Obi Wan sighed angrily.

‘No...he’ll get his act together’.