Memoires of the Chosen One

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 31

I head into the ‘fresher to splash some cold water on my face. “Get a grip on yourself, Skywalker,” I mutter, knowing that if I am ever to win back the love and trust of my wife, wallowing in self-deprecation will do nothing to help my cause. I look up at my reflection in the mirror and gasp when I see it. I look as red as a Mon Calamari. “Great…just great…”

“Father, are you alright?”

Luke steps to the door of the ‘fresher and whistles when he sees me. “Holy crap!” he exclaims when does. “What happened to you?”

I turn to look at my son who stares at me with wide eyes.

“I fell asleep in the sun,” I explain sheepishly.

Luke puts a hand over his face to hide his grin. “Yeah, so I see,” he replies.

I frown at him, not appreciating his mirth. “I’m glad you find it so amusing,” I retort as I step past him into the bedroom.

“Father, what happened???”

Leia is standing there, looking at me with the same wide-eyed shock that her twin is wearing.

I sigh. “I fell asleep,” I tell her. “I went for a swim, lied down on the beach, and fell asleep.”

“Does it hurt” she asks.

“A little,” I lie. “I’ll be fine, Leia. I guess I’ve never had to be careful in the sun before so this is kind of a weird experience for me.”

“I think you should put something on that burn,” Luke suggests as he enters the room. “To take the sting out anyway.”

I turn to my son, feeling badly that I snapped at him. “Yeah, maybe I should.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Leia announces, leaving us.

“I’m sorry, Father,” Luke says. “I didn’t mean to laugh.”

“No I’m sorry, son,” I tell him. “I shouldn’t have bitten your head off that way. I guess I do look rather ridiculous,” I say with a wry grin, looking down at my red torso.

Luke grins too. “Well, the resemblance to Admiral Ackbar is rather uncanny.”

We both laugh.

“I can’t believe I have a sun burn,” I tell my son, pulling my unruly wet hair back into a ponytail. “Me, a native of Tatooine for crying out loud! It’s just ludicrous.”

Luke nods. “Well, your skin is new, Father; it’s not accustomed to the Tatooine suns anymore.”

“No kidding,” I mutter.

“Oh my…”

Luke and I look over to the doorway to see Leia and Padmé standing there.

“I fell asleep,” I tell her, shrugging. “Guess if forgot about the sun.”

Padmé smiles. “So I see. Come on, I have some balm for that.”

Surprised, I make no reply and immediately follow her. She leads me to her room and into the bathroom. “Sit down,” she tells me. I look around, and seeing only one place to sit, put the lid down and comply.

“I don’t imagine you’ve had many sunburns, have you?” she asks as she takes a jar of cream out of the medicine cabinet. “I always remember you being very tanned.”

“Yeah, that was before…” I tell her. “Well, you know.”

She nods as she unscrews the lid, and walks over to stand in front of me. “Does it hurt much?” she asks.

I shrug, trying not to notice the way she is looking at my bare torso. “I’ve endured worse.”

She frowns slightly at my words. “I’m sorry,” she says softly. “Of course you have.”

“Don’t be sorry, Padmé,” I tell her. “You had nothing to do with that.”

“I know,” she says, putting her fingers into the white cream. “But still…” She applies cream onto my forearms first, her touch gentle. “Is that okay?”

I nod, tantalized by the feel of her touch, even under these rather ridiculous conditions.

“You know, I had nightmares about what happened to you that day,” she tells me, her eyes following her hand’s work.

I look up at her, surprised. “You did?”

She nods. “Yes,” she replies softly. “Obi-Wan told me what happened…it was so horrible, Anakin. The thought of you in such pain…” she stops.

“I’ve had more than a few nightmares about that day too,” I tell her.

“I’m sure,” she replies. “I can’t even imagine the pain you endured.”

“It wasn’t about what happened to me that I dreamed, Padmé,” I reply. “It was about what I did to you.”

She starts, her hand stops for a moment and she looks into my eyes. “What?” she asks softly.

“I had nightmares about what I did to you,” I repeat. “That moment was the darkest of my life, Padmé. I’ve spent the rest of my life since then regretting it and hating myself because of it.”

She frowns again, the thought of that moment too painful for her still. She continues her ministrations in silence, moving up to my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “So sorry, Padmé.”

She doesn’t look at me, but I can feel in her the confusion of emotions that has filled her since we first met one another again after all those years.

“I forgave you for that long ago,” she tells me quietly. “What I’m not sure I can forgive is what you did to Luke and Leia.”

I close my eyes, knowing that this was coming. “I understand,” I say, looking down at my boots.

“Do you?” she asks, angry suddenly. “Do you really, Ani? I’m not just talking about the horrible things you did to them when you were Darth Vader; for I know all about that now. I’m talking more about what your actions took from them. You robbed them of a life together, of a life with their parents. You stole those precious years from all of us!”

I look back up to her. Her eyes are filled with angry tears, her hands trembling. I take her hands, pull them away from me. She looks at me.

"What are you doing?” she demands.

“I’m not so sure you should be doing this in your present frame of mind,” I tell her with a small smile.

“Are you making fun of me?” she asks angrily, yanking her hands away, causing the jar of cream to fall to the floor where it smashes against the ceramic floor. She kneels down to start picking up the pieces.

“No, no of course not,” I tell her, kneeling beside her to help. “You have every right to be angry, Padmé; I would never make little of that. I suppose I’m just trying desperately to get you to see that I’ve changed; that I’m not that monster who did all those horrible things to you, to our children. I’m your Ani again; the man you married. The man who loves you.”

Padmé’s eyes fill with tears, and I can see in their dark depths the desperation she feels. She wants to forgive me, she wants things to be the way they were…she wants me…

“Padmé..”I say softly, reaching out to her. She is frozen for a moment, as I draw closer to her. I wipe a tear as it rolls down one of her cheeks. I look at her mouth, wanting more than anything to taste her sweetness again after so long. In her eyes I see that she wants this as much as I do, and for a brief, painfully brief moment, our lips meet. But the moment is broken by her, as she hurriedly stands up.

“I can’t, Ani,’ she says softly. “I’m sorry…I…I just can’t...” she leaves the room, leaving me half covered with cream, my heart heavy with remorse.

I finish picking up the mess on the floor. I wash my hands, looking up at myself in the mirror. Idiot… I admonish myself angrily. Why did you have to try that? Why did you have to be such an ass? I shake my head at my reflection, wondering if the sun damaged my brain as well as giving my skin a healthy red glow. I note that half of my torso has cream on it, making me look more ridiculous than before. If this situation wasn’t so tragic this might be funny… I reflect as I proceed to spread the cream over the rest of my burn, trying to even it out.

Leaving the ‘fresher, I look around in Padmé’s bedroom to see that she is not there. Not surprising considering what you just did…I reproach myself. I look around the room, finding it just as elegant as the room we shared in our home on Coruscant all those years ago. I can feel her presence everywhere in the room; feel the sadness and loneliness she has endured all these years. How many nights did she cry herself to sleep in that bed? I wonder with an aching heart…. What I’m not sure I can forgive is what you did to Luke and Leia… You robbed them of a life together, of a life with their parents. You stole those precious years from all of us…her words still echo in my mind. She is right; I realize with anguish. What can I possibly do to make amends for that? I can’t turn back the clock 22 years…if only it were possible I would do so in a heartbeat and undo all that has been done. But I can’t; and so perhaps my punishment will be to never have her forgiveness. It seems a fitting punishment that I spend the rest of my life without her, after I had robbed her of a life time without her children, and them of their formative years without her.

I leave my wife’s bedroom, perhaps for the last time, I reflect bitterly, and make my way back to the room I share with our son. Part of me wishes I had left as I had intended to; but yet, I cannot avoid this forever. In the euphoria of discovering that my beloved Padmé was alive, the reality of our situation seemed to have gone ignored by me. What else could I expect of her? How else would she react given all that has transpired in the ensuing years?

I stop outside the room as I hear the sound of crying coming from within one of the rooms down the hall. I hear my daughter’s voice, and realize that she is comforting her mother. I sigh, feeling frustrated and defeated, as I enter the room. Luke is seated at the small table examining a datapad, and looks up expectantly.

“Don’t ask,” I tell him, walking into the room to fetch a clean shirt.

“Okay,” he replies, watching me. “Though I have a feeling I know how things went.”

“You do, do you?” I ask not looking at him.

“Yeah,” he says, standing up and moving over to stand beside me. “I heard her run down the hall. Leia’s in there with Mother right now.”

I nod. “Yes, I know,” I tell him quietly.

My son is silent for a moment or two, and I sense that he has something to say, but wants to be sure that he words it just right.

“Give her time, Father,” he says at last, laying a hand tentatively on one of my shoulders. “I sense that she still loves you deeply, as I’m sure you have too.”

I cannot deny that; but even the deepest, most ardent love has its limits.

“I know,” I admit quietly as I button up the shirt.

“She has a lot of anger, a lot of hurt, Father. I don’t need to tell you that,” he says. “I guess you’re just going to have to be patient with her. Don’t push her, don’t pressure her. That’s my advice.”

Don’t push her…don’t pressure her…words of wisdom, and I know it. So why did I try to kiss her when she was feeling so confused and vulnerable?

“Sound advice,” I tell him, turning around to face him. “I guess I’m just not a terrible patient man, Luke. I’ve spent half of my life believing her dead, and now that I found her, I just want to recapture what we once had. I know that’s not realistic of me, given the history between us; I suppose that’s always been my problem. I’ve always wanted what I can’t have. It’s the story of my life.”

Luke smiles. “I know exactly what you mean,” he tells me. “I guess that’s another way I’m like you. I’ve always had trouble being patient too.”

I smile. “I see a lot of myself in both of you,” I tell him. “But you seem to favor your mother, Luke. You have her wisdom, her gentleness, her quiet strength. Leia is more like me, a firecracker.” I stop with a laugh. “I hope Han Solo knows what he’s getting into.”

Luke laughs. “Oh, I think he does,” he tells me. “The two of them have been sparring since the moment they met. It’s a perfect match.”

It is my turn to laugh. How does he do it? I wonder with amazement. How does my son have such an innate ability to know how to put me at ease? Another gift from his mother, I realize, for Padmé was always able to soothe me when the storms would beset me; she always knew just what to say, how to calm me, how to make me feel like the only man in the galaxy. I miss her…

“So what news from the capital?” I ask my son. “Is that what you were looking at when I came in?”

Luke nods, looking back at the data pad on the table. “Yeah, not good news, I’m afraid; a report of Imperial forces planning an attack on Coruscant; a serious one this time, not just a renegade band of troopers.” He stops with a sigh. “I wonder how long it will be before we have peace, or if it’s even possible.”

I consider this information for a moment. “I wonder…” I think aloud.

Luke looks up at me. “What, Father?” he asks.

“I wonder if there’s something I can do…I mean, I commanded the Imperial fleet for more than 20 years. General Riekan seems to think the information I have could help them.”

Luke nods. “I think he’s right,” he tells me. “Did he make any suggestions as to how you could do that?”

“No,” I tell him. “Remember, we left immediately after my pardon,” I remind him. “There was no chance to even begin to talk strategy with the leaders of the Alliance.”

“True,” concurs Luke. “But it looks like they could use your help, Father.”

“I know,” feeling torn. “My family needs me too; shouldn’t they take precedence?”

Luke sighs. “It’s a difficult situation, no doubt. I can’t advise you, Father. You have to do what you think is right.”

“Yeah, I just wish I knew what that was,” I mutter.

“Let’s see what Leia thinks,” Luke tells me.

“What I think about what?”

We turn to see Leia in the doorway.

“How is your mother?” I ask her.

Leia walks into the room and sits on the edge of one of the beds. She looks up at me, her dark eyes troubled.

“She’s a lot calmer than she was,” Leia tells us. “But she’s still very upset, Father, very confused. This has been a difficult day for her, I’m afraid. She insisted that Luke and I tell her everything that…well, that Vader did. She said she needed to know.”

I nod, sitting down beside her. “Yes, I’m sure she feels that way,” I tell her. “Your mother has always been very strong, and has never been afraid to face the truth no matter how painful.”

“Yes, I sensed that about her as well,” Luke says. “I didn’t want to tell her everything right away, neither of us did. I thought it would be better to tell her a little at a time, to give her time to accept what she needed to hear; but she wouldn’t hear of it. I’m afraid she knows everything, Father; everything about our history with Vader.”

I sigh. “Yes, I know,” I tell my children. “I have to admit that I overheard much of your conversation with her. I think you both handled it very well.”

“So did she, Father,” Leia tells us. “She’s angry, and feels a lot of resentment, no doubt of it.”

“She has every right to be angry,” I declare, standing up again. I pace up and down the room. “I have no right to expect anything else. I’m grateful that she’s allowed me to stay here under her roof, for she could have easily refused to even see me again.”

“She loves you, Father,” Leia says, looking up at me. “There’s no doubt of that. Whether that love will be enough to allow her to forgive you, I don’t know.”

I sigh, rubbing my eyes tiredly. “I don’t know either, Leia,” I tell her. “But I’m not going to give up. I’ll do whatever it takes to win her trust back. I want more than anything for us all to be a family.”

“She wants that too,” comments Luke. “We all do.”

I smile at my son. “I know that, Luke. The two of you deserve that much, at least. And if I can make it happen, perhaps it will, in a small way, make up for my past treatment of you.”

Leia stands up and walks over to me. “You have already done that, Father,” she says softly, looking up at me with a smile. “You don’t need to prove yourself to us.”

I take my daughter’s face in my hands as I look into her eyes, Padmé’s eyes.

“Thank you, Leia,” I tell her softly. “I really needed to hear that right now.” I pull her into my arms and hold her close, feeling her arms wrap around my waist. I close my eyes as I kiss the top of my daughter’s head, eternally grateful for the Grace that has brought the three of us to this point.

“We will get through this, Father,” Luke says. “I’m sure of it.”

“Have you foreseen it?” I tease him with a smile.

Luke grins. “You bet I have.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 32

Dinner that evening is, for me, an awkward, protracted event. I can see that my wife has spent a great deal of time crying, for her eyes show it, and I can feel it in her mood, hear it in her voice. However, being the strong woman I have always known her to be, she puts on a brave face for the sake of our children. To their credit, they carry the conversation, dancing around the issues that are on all our minds. I am grateful to both of them for their sensitivity, as, I am sure, their mother is.

Padmé speaks very little during the meal, and avoids eye contact with me completely. I curse myself yet again for my clumsy and ill-timed overture in the bathroom earlier, vowing to not make such an ass of myself again.

“I heard from Mon Mothma earlier,” Luke tells Leia. “It looks like her suspicions about the Empire were right.”

Padmé speaks up. “What suspicions, Luke?”

“There have been rumors of a massive Imperial invasion preparing to strike Coruscant,” explains Leia. “They know that the Alliance has set up shop there, with the hopes of using it as a capital of what we hope will become the New Republic. We have a long way to go, however.”

“How big is this invasion force?” asks Padmé.

“Well that’s what we’re not so sure of,” replies Luke. “Imperial intelligence has been very sketchy since the death of the Emperor; we don’t know what is fed to us or what is real.” He looks at me. “You could really help the Alliance with that, Father.”

Padmé looks at me, the look in her eyes a mixture of surprise and something I’m unable to discern. Pride? Perhaps…

“I would be happy to help, Luke,” I tell him. “As I told your superiors. I have a good idea about the dispersal of the Imperial troop strengths; but remember that it has been many months since I was Darth Vader. My information is probably outdated by now.”

“But you must have access codes,” suggests Padmé. I turn to her, my eyebrows slightly raised at her sudden interest. “You must have access to information at the highest levels, Anakin. All you would need is a linkup to the Imperial database.”

I nod thoughtfully. “Yes, that is true,” I concur. “Perhaps on Coruscant,” I say tentatively.

“Coruscant served as the Imperial capital,” agrees Leia. “So it would make sense that you could…”

“You’re going back to Coruscant then?” Padmé interjects.

I look at my wife. Do you want me to go? I ask her wordlessly. Her eyes register that she has heard my question, and reflect the confusion that it heralds. She does not know anymore what she wants, that much is certain.

“I may have no choice, Padmé,” I tell her. “If the Imperial threat is a real one, then the Alliance needs me. I made a promise to help them in any way I could, and I mean to keep that promise.”

Leia raches over and puts her hand on mine. “You are an honorable man, Father,” she says, pride shining in her dark eyes. “But you’re not going alone.”

“No,” agrees Luke. “We will go with you, Father. The Alliance will need all of us.”

I nod, and look back at Padmé. “Come with us,” I blurt out, not thinking for a moment about what I am saying.

Her eyes widen in surprise at my suggestion.

“Yes, Mother,” Leia jumps in. “Come with us!! We don’t want to be parted from you so soon after finding you after all this time. Besides, you were once a senator, a queen! Your political acumen would be welcome in the formation of the New Republic!”

Padmé is too surprised to respond, but I can sense that Leia’s words have excited her. My wife was always at home in the political arena, and was an excellent leader, an astute politician. Surely she would love the chance to resume that life.

“Yes, Padmé,” I say. “Come with us. You have been alone too long. The danger is over now; you are safe to come out of hiding. Won’t you at least consider it?”

Padmé looks at each of us in turn, and I recognize by the set of her chin, by the look in her eyes that she is weighing her options. I will her to look at me, pleading with her silently not to be parted from me again, even for just a short march of days.

I can’t bear the thought of you being apart from me again…please come with us...come with me..

“I will have to think about it,” Padmé says at last, tearing her eyes away from mine and looking down at her plate. “Leaving here…I can’t quite imagine it, to tell you the truth. It’s been so long. I have to admit that the thought of returning to Coruscant, to the galaxy, is frightening to me. I’ve spent so long trying to remain hidden; the thought of leaving that seclusion is unnerving. I’ve become accustomed to the security it has afforded me.”

I can feel the disappointment that fills my children, and share in it. Yet she did say she’d consider it, so I suppose that’s better than her saying no out right.

“We understand, Mother,” Luke says at last, his regret evident in his voice. “Only know that your experience could make a real difference, and I know how much that has always meant to you.”

Padmé smiles at our son, her pride and love for him filling her eyes. “You’re right, Luke,” she replies softly. “It has. But I’m not the same woman I was all those years ago…time has a way of changing a person. Time and…circumstances.” She stands up, her emotions brimming to the surface once again. “I’m sorry,” she said, addressing us all. “Please, please excuse me…I’m going to retire. It’s been a long day.”

“Goodnight Mother,” Luke replies, standing up, followed by Leia and me. Our children kiss her goodnight as I stand by and watch. And then she leaves us, confused yet hopeful.

“She will come around,” I decide as we resume our seats. “Your mother has never been able to ignore a challenge.”

Luke gives his twin a knowing look. “Sound familiar,” he remarks.

Leia smiles back at him. “Yes, doesn’t it though?”


I lie awake in the dark room, my mind racing. From across the room I can hear Luke’s slow, steady breathing as he sleeps. I envy him his ability to fall asleep so easily.

I roll over onto my side, first facing the wall, then after a frustrating few minutes I flop onto my other side. I close my eyes tightly, trying to meditate, calling upon the Force to quiet my over-active brain; but it is no use. I finally get out of the bed, frustration filling me. I grab my cloak from the chair where I carelessly tossed it earlier and quietly leave the room.

The night air is crisp; I am glad of my cloak and pull it closed as the bracing chill hits the bare skin of my arms and upper body. I walk along in bare feet, using the moonlight and the Force to guide my way.

Nocturnal insects chirping and the sound of gentle waves lapping lazily against the shore are the only sounds that greet me as I reach the front of the house. I lean against the railing of the balcony, marveling at the sight of Hannas II’s twin moons reflected in the water below me. Moonlight on water, one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen, and one that still manages to take my breath away. For too many years I was unable, or perhaps unwilling, to see beauty in anything; the Darkness blinded me to it. But now I see it everywhere, in the shimmering waters, in the verdant splendor of the forest, the in look of love on my daughter’s face when she smiles at me.

I close my eyes, allowing the peace of the moment to wash over me, filling me with a sense of tranquility and well-being. A slight breeze ruffles my hair and I shiver involuntarily. And then I sense a presence nearby…Padmé…

“Can’t sleep?”

I turn to look at her, the sight of her face in the moonlight turning my knees to jelly.

“No,” I tell her, trying not to notice how enticing she looks in the nightgown that is barely concealed by her dressing gown. Obviously she did not expect to meet anyone out here, for she has not bothered to tie it up, and I am treated to a generous view of her white lacy night gown under it.

“Bad dreams?” she asks, trying to hide the concern in her voice.

“No,” I say again, tearing my eyes from her. “Too much on my mind.” I tell her.

“Sorry,” she replies. “I know what that’s like.”

I nod. “You know I remember the first time I saw moonlight on water,” I remember with a smile. “My first time on Naboo, when I was a boy. Obi-Wan and I walked down to the water’s edge after Qui-Gon’s funeral. I was spellbound.”

Padmé smiles. “I’m sure,” she said. “Not a common sight on Tatooine.”

“Not at all,” I agree. “I recall being terrified at the sight of a waterfall. And the first time I had a bath…”

Padmé laughs, and it is a genuine laugh, one that makes my heart beat just a little faster.

“Padmé,” I begin tentatively, turning to her once again. “I…I want to apologize about what happened earlier.”

She looks at me out of the corner of her eyes, and then returns her gaze to the lake. I get no response from her, so I press on.

“I was completely out of line,” I continue. “And I am sorry. I suppose I’m just clinging desperately to the hope that…well, that there is a chance that you and I can recapture what we had. I know that’s unrealistic of me, but...”

“We can never do that, Ani,” she tells me sadly. “Both of us have changed, too much has happened to ever have what we had. The innocence of our love was destroyed when you chose Palpatine over me and our children.”

“Don’t say that, Padmé,” I implore her, turning to her. “You don’t mean that!”

“Don’t I?” she says, turning to look at me. “You have no idea what it’s been like for me, Anakin; alone all these years, believing that my beautiful babies were dead...”

“Telling you that wasn’t my doing, Padmé,” I remind her. “That was Obi-Wan and Yoda. Nor was your seclusion my doing. You chose to hide from me…”

“Of course I hid!” she cries. “The man who I loved was dead, I watched him die right before my very eyes,” she continues. “He died when he tried to kill me. He died when he chose to serve that monster Palpatine rather than come away with me and help me raise our child. That was when he died, Anakin that was when the love we shared died.”

“Padmé, I know you don’t believe it, but everything I did was to save you,” I tell her desperately. “I was so anxious to save you from what I believed was certain death, that I was willing to do anything. I know now that I was wrong, that I was a fool to trust Palpatine, and don’t think that I haven’t regretted the decisions I made. If I could turn the clock back…but I can’t. What I did was reprehensible, unconscionable, and you may never forgive me for it; but never, never doubt that I loved you, Padmé; despite everything that I was guilty of, not loving you was never one of them.”

She looks up at me, her dark eyes full of anguish. “I didn’t say that, Ani,” she replies. “It’s just that…”

“When I believed I had killed you,” I continue, “any trace of Anakin Skywalker that was left in the shattered mess that was left on Mustafar died. You see, even in the Darkness that consumed me, even when the medical droids had turned me into a mechanized cyborg, I still loved you. The first words out of my mouth were to ask about you, and that was when Palpatine told me that I had killed you.”

Padmé says nothing, her chest rising and falling quickly as she struggles to master her emotions, to make sense of what I am telling her. “Palpatine told you that…that you killed me?” she asks.

I nod.

“I…I didn’t know that…” she replies quietly, averting her eyes once again.

I watch her, seeing the conflicting emotions raging through her.

“I spent 20 years believing I had killed you, Padmé,” I tell her, deciding to go on. “The guilt, the remorse, the self hatred all served to intensify the hold the Dark Side had upon my soul. I had nothing to live for, nothing. And then one day everything changed.”

She says nothing, but I hear her silent question: What happened?

“I found out that my son was alive,” I tell her. “Our son.”

“You mean, you thought that the baby…”

“Yes, just as you did, I thought the baby had died, except that I had been responsible for his death as well as yours,” I tell her. “When I learned of the existence of Luke Skywalker, I knew that Palpatine had lied to me. That was the moment, that wonderful yet terrible epiphany changed me.”

“How?”

“It was a connection with my past, with Anakin Skywalker,” I explain. “I had severed all associations with that man, but here I was faced with the existence of the son of Anakin Skywalker. Luke’s existence was the beginning of the end of Darth Vader; when I met him that truly began my rebirth.”

Padmé turns away from me as the tears flow freely down her face.

I watch her in silence for a moment, feeling her emotions raging through her as she struggles to come to terms with all that I have said.

“Finding my children, our children after believing they were dead by my hand began the erosion of the hold the Dark Side had on my soul,” I tell her softly. “Luke’s love for me, despite everything I had done to him and his sister, was what severed it completely. I know that I don’t deserve a second chance, Padmé, but he has given it to me, Leia has given it to me. I know I am out of line asking you for one too, but I’ve got nothing to lose by asking.”

She turns to me, but makes no reply.

“I love you, Padmé,” I tell her softly. “I have always loved you, since that day in Watto’s junk shop all those years ago. You are part of me, Padmé, the best part. And despite your anger, and all the hurt I know I’ve caused you, I know that you love me too.”

She looks up at me, her eyes betraying her feelings. “It’s not so easy, Ani,” she says softly. “If only it were…”

“Why not?” I ask, grasping onto this glimmer of hope. She loves me…she still loves me! My mind shouts exultantly. “Why can’t it, Padmé? We withstood so much, you and me, because of the depth of the love we shared. Can’t we get through this too? We have our children now, Padmé! We can finally be a family!”

I stop, watching her for her reaction. The fact that she has not rejected my suggestion outright is a good sign, and I run with it.

“Think of what it would mean to be together, all four of us, as a family,” I say, stepping closer to her. “Won’t you at least consider it? Please, Angel?”

Finally she turns to me, her dark eyes troubled, glistening in the bright light of the twin moons.

“I want that more than anything, Ani,” she tells me. “But I’m afraid. You once told me that we would be destroyed if we gave in to the love we felt for one another, and you were right. As much as I loved you, as much as I still do love you, I’m too afraid to go through that again. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent crying myself hoarse from missing you, Anakin! How many nights I saw those yellow Sith eyes boring into me as I felt the grip of your fingers on my throat. I told you that I forgave you for that, and I have; but I will never be able to get the images of that horrible moment out of my mind completely. I’m just so afraid, Anakin, so afraid that if I give in, if I let myself love you again, that history will repeat itself. I won’t go through that again. I can’t…” she looks away from me, tremendous sorrow crushing her spirit.

I close my eyes as the tears fill them. What else can I say? I have laid down my heart at her feet, and she is too afraid to accept it. Afraid of me…the self-loathing that had become such a part of me rears its ugly head again, and I am sickened by the guilt and remorse that well up within me. How could I destroy this beautiful creature who wanted nothing more than to love me? How could I hurt her to the extent that she is afraid to love? But she does love me…that is the hope I must cling to. Perhaps I must heed my son’s words, and be patient. Patience has never been one of my strengths. But if I am ever to win her back, that is what I need in copious amounts.

“I’m so sorry, Padmé,” I tell her softly. “I…I wish I knew what else I could say...”

“There’s nothing to say, Ani,” she says at last, turning to me. “It’s all been said, and this is where we are. I’m sorry, but I just don’t have anything left to give you. I hope you can understand.”

Understand?? All I understand is that she loves me…she loves me but is afraid of me… Padmé Naberrie has never been afraid of anything for as long as I’ve known her, not the Trade Federation, nor the mysterious assassins trying to kill her, nor even the fearsome nexu who she faced in the arena on Geonosis; but now she is afraid of me. Of me…

“I will try to understand,” I tell her at last. “Even if I don’t, I will respect your wishes, Padmé. You needn’t worry about that.”

“Thank you, Anakin,” she says, giving me a sad little smile. “I’m going back inside now. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” I return, watching her as she retreats into her bedroom again. Once she is gone I turn away, my vision blurred with the hot tears that fill them. I feel like my insides are being twisted by some giant hand, my heart being slowly crushed to pulp. Yet, deep inside a small ember of hope still burns. She loves me…she loves me… I tell myself over and over, those three precious words keeping my hopes afloat, and giving me the strength to keep fighting.

“You will be mine again, Angel,” I say softly. “Only you just don’t know it yet.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 33

Sleep finally comes, and I welcome it. I don’t remember drifting off; I only know that it was more of surrender than an actual conscience decision. I have no idea what time I finally succumbed to my body’s need for sleep, but I estimate it must have been well after mid-night, well after my encounter with Padmé.

Padmé….her face fills my mind as I fight for sleep. The scent of her loose flowing hair surrounds me…I cannot escape her. She loves me…the words still echo in my mind, over and over, like a sacred mantra…she loves me!!! The revelation of this should have me giddy and grinning like an idiotic schoolboy, a padawan still wet behind the ears and naïve of the ways of the galaxy. But with this blessed revelation came the painful knowledge that she is too afraid of being hurt again to allow herself to give in to the love she feels. I suppose that’s what happens when trust is destroyed. The fact that she loves me is rather amazing, considering all that has happened between us. Rationally I cannot really be surprised that she is afraid; it was she who tried to keep us from falling in love, tried to douse the undeniable passion that grew between us when we were alone on Naboo. She knew that it was a mistake; somehow she knew that we would end estranged and hurting. But so did I. and I didn’t care. No, I didn’t care; the love I felt for her superseded everything. It still does. I am willing to wait if that is what she needs, I can be patient now. I will do what I must to win her trust, to show her that I am worthy to be loved again, that she need not be afraid of me any longer, that the darkness that once consumed me has been extinguished. Forever. Soon she will see that, soon she will know….

“You have betrayed me, Lord Vader,” hisses Sidious as he rises from his throne to approach me.

“I am Anakin Skywalker,” I reply, not daunted by my former master’s accusations. “I have forsaken the Dark Side, and you. You are no longer my master, for I know what you are. You won’t control me any longer.”

Sidious smiles, revealing his mouthful of rotted teeth. “Bold words, my apprentice, bold words; but you and I both know that you will never be turned from the Dark Side.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” I tell him. I take off my mask, to reveal the face he had never thought to see again, the face of his greatest threat.

“Skywalker!” he gasps, surprised to see a healed, whole man under the mask rather than the mangled mess he had seen locked into a black mask of horror so many years ago.

“Yes, Skywalker,” I tell him, advancing on him as he stumbles back. “I am no longer your slave, Sidious; I am a Jedi once again. You have no power over me.”

“Is that so?” he sneers maniacally. “We shall see about that.” He lifts his hands and blue bolts of energy shoot from his fingertips. I deflect the lightning with my lightsaber, which has managed to find itself to my hands.

“You will be destroyed, just as your wife was destroyed, just as your children have been.”

"You’re wrong!” I retort, struggling against the powerful onslaught. “You lied about her! She didn’t die! She lived and so did my children! You lied you miserable bastard!!”

Fury flashes in his dead yellow eyes and the intensity of his attack increases. “An oversight that shall be remedied soon enough,” he tells me with a sinister smile. “I know where she is, Skywalker…I know she is alone...you left her there unprotected, and now she is going to pay for your treachery.”

Cold fear fills me, closing in on my heart, causing me to falter for a moment. “NO!!” I scream, lunging toward him. “You will not harm her!!”

Sidious laughs. “Too late, Skywalker…she is already dead. Don’t worry; I made sure she knew that you had betrayed her to me before died.”

The anger fills me, explodes out of me as I lunge at him.

He resumes his attack on me, holding me back with deadly bolts of energy. Laughing, he pushes me back. “I can feel your anger!” he taunts. “You will never escape the dark side! It owns you, as I do…Vader!”

“NO!!” I scream.

“Wake up, Anakin. Wake up!”

My eyes snap open, my heart pounding in my chest. I am discombobulated for an instant, and look around frantically, trying to get my bearings.

“Anakin, you were shouting so loud I could hear you in the hallway outside.”

My eyes finally find her face, looming over me as she stands beside my bed.

“Padmé??” I stammer.

She nods, taking a step back. “Yes, Anakin. You were having a nightmare.”

I sit up slowly as I try to slow my racing heart. “Yes…yes I was…” I look back at her as the images from my nightmare finally start to fade. “It…it was terrible, Padmé…Palpatine was alive, and he…he…”

“Palpatine is dead, Ani,” she tells me calmly. “You killed him yourself. It was just a dream.”

I nod. “Yes, I know…it’s just that…it was so…so real...”

She shakes her head sympathetically. “You’ve always been plagued with bad dreams, Ani,” she observes. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

I look up at her, not wanting to let her know what I had dreamed. How do I tell her that I envisioned that the Dark Side was still lingering within me? That is the very thing she is afraid of.

“No,” I tell her, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I’d rather not. I’d just like to forget about it.”

She nods in understanding. “Hungry? Luke and Leia are already downstairs.”

“They are? What time is it?” I ask.

“It’s pretty late, Ani,” she replies. “I guess we both had a rough night.”

I stand up, looking down at her. “Yes, no doubt,” I reply. “I’m sorry Padmé,” I tell her. How many times have I said that in the past 3 days? “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Don’t,” she says, putting her hand up to silence me. “I know you didn’t, Ani. I’m just …oversensitive I suppose. It’s been a lot to process, and I suppose I’m still reeling under it all.”

I nod. “Of course,” I tell her. “I think I know what that feels like.”

“I’m sure you do,” she replies. “I still don’t understand why, Anakin. Why did Yoda lie to me the way he did? What did he hope to accomplish by deceiving me in such a cruel manner?”

I can feel her anger, her indignation. She has every right to be angry, and I wish I could give her the answers she needs.

“I don’t know, Padmé,” I tell her. “I think perhaps he acted out of fear, out of desperation to protect both you and them. It was a terrible time, remember. I suppose he felt that he had no choice.”

Padmé frowns. “No and neither did I,” she replies bitterly. “No choice, no say in what happened to my children.”

“I don’t understand how he could have convinced you, Padmé,” I say tentatively. “Were you separated from them when they were born? Were there complications?”

“Yes, there were,” she replies. “I was very weak after Leia was born, so weak that I lost consciousness for a while. The exhaustion, the loss of blood…the emotional anguish…it was all too much for me. I don’t know how long I was asleep, and I suspect that the medi-droids gave me a sedative to help me relax. When I woke up, I was alone. The droids wouldn’t tell me anything, just kept telling me to ask the Master Jedi. I assumed they meant Obi-Wan, since he was with me when the twins were born.”

“Yes, I know,” I tell her, envying Obi-Wan fiercely.

“How did you know?” she asks.

“He visited me,” I tell her.

“He did? How is that possible?” she asks.

“It is only possible for those strong with the Force,” I explain to her. “He has learned how to appear to those of us strong enough to see him in his state of oneness with the Force. I’ve also had visits from Qui-Gon.”

“And how were things when you saw Obi-Wan?” she asks.

“The first time we saw one another went very badly,” I admit. “I was still convalescing, and I’m afraid I was pretty harsh with him. But we have since reconciled, I’m happy to say.”

“I’m glad,” she replies with a smile. “You and he were so close. I know how broken hearted he was when…well, I’m just glad you two have managed to put all that behind you.” She stops for a moment, as she realizes what she has just said. Can you do the same, Padmé? I ask her silently. She looks at me, startled by my unspoken question, and quickly changes the subject.

“Anyway, when Yoda finally returned to me, I was frantic, no one having told me about where my babies were, or why I couldn’t see them. He told me that they were gone, that they were too weak to survive since they were a month early, and that they had died when I was asleep.”

I frown, her pain from that horrible moment still echoing in her mind. “I’m so sorry,” I tell her softly. “I know that must have been agonizing.” I know for I too was lied to in that same manner.

She nods, her emotions too close to the surface for words momentarily. “It was,” she says softly. “I wanted to die too, Ani. I had nothing to live for, you were gone, and they were gone…sometimes I wonder how I did manage to live all these years.”

“Perhaps, on some level, you knew that they were alive,” I suggest. “Perhaps there was a part of your mind that knew it was all a lie, and wouldn’t let you give up living.”

“Perhaps,” she replies. “Still, it was an incredible shock to see them walk through the door, not to mention you.”

I smile. “Yes, I’m sure it must have been. I know I was shocked when I found out that you were still alive. Shocked but elated. I had spent years wishing that some day I would find you, but I never held out any hope that I would.”

She looks away, and suddenly a palpable awkwardness materializes between us. Don’t push her, Skywalker, don’t push her!!

“Well,” I say, stepping away. “I guess I should get cleaned up. Save some breakfast for me, will you?” I ask as I head for the ‘fresher.

“Of course,” she replies, watching me go.

I enter the ‘fresher and lean against the door. I can sense her confusion, her struggle to sort through the muddle of emotions that she is feeling. Her resolve is not quite as solid as she would have me believe, I realize with a smile. Finally I sense her leaving the room, and disrobe for my shower.


The dining room is empty when I arrive. Where is everyone? I wonder as I help myself to breakfast from the side board. Sabé enters the room as I turn around.

“So, you found breakfast,” she says. Her tone is rather icy.

I nod. “Yes, thank you.”

She shrugs. “Don’t thank me,” she replies. “I don’t do the cooking.”

“No, of course not,” I return, puzzled by the animosity I sense in her. “Where is everyone?”

“Her ladyship is in the garden with her son, and her daughter is at the hangar waiting for her fiancé,” she tells me.

Her daughter? Her son? “Luke and Leia are my children too, Sabé,” I remind her, my voice carefully controlled.

She raises and eyebrow in response. “Yes, I know,” she replies and turns to leave.

“Is there something you want to say to me?” I challenge her. “I sense a great deal of hostility in you, directed at me.”

Her back stiffens for an instant and then she turns to face me.

“Nothing you’d want to hear, I’m sure,” she replies coldly.

“Try me,” I say, folding my arms over my chest.

She regards me for a moment as she formulates her response. “I just find it rather fascinating that you’ve suddenly shown up here after all these years. Why now? Why the sudden change in your attitude? After all, you abandoned her 2 decades alone.”

I narrow my eyes, trying to control the angry indignation I feel welling up within me. “Abandoned her?” I retort. “Is that what you think?”

“What else would you call it?” she retorts. “You left 22 years ago, leaving her alone, pregnant with your children, forcing her to hide here in solitude and fear. You weren’t around to console her as she grieved for her children, I was! I spent countless nights listening to her cry herself to sleep, and endless hours worrying that her grief would be the end of her. And now you miraculously reappear and expect to pick up the pieces like nothing happened!”

“I expect nothing of the kind,” I snap back. “I believed my wife was dead all these years! If I had known that she was alive, I ...”

“What would you have done?” she interjects. “What? Come here and dragged her off to be your prisoner on one of your star destroyers? She would rather die! Darth Vader was a vicious monster, who would have destroyed what was left of her fragile spirit, just as he destroyed thousands of innocent beings all over the galaxy.”

“You clearly have no idea what you are talking about,” I inform her, using the Force to remain calm. “I never stopped loving Padmé, even when I was Darth Vader. I would never have harmed her!”

“Darth Vader was a heartless fiend,” she retorts. “Incapable of loving anyone or anything but power. You chose that power over a life with her. You’re to blame for her family being ripped apart! She doesn’t need you here now causing more grief! Just leave her alone! Leave her and her children in peace!”

“That’s enough!” a sharp voice snaps. We both turn around to see Padmé and Luke standing in the doorway.

“Milady!” begins Sabé, flustered by the sudden appearance of her lady. “I was only trying to protect you.”

“Is that what you were doing?” demands Luke. “Sounded more like a verbal attack upon my father to me.”

Sabé’s face reddens, but she does not back down, nor does she apologize for her accusations.

“It’s just…well…I felt he needed to hear it,” she declares, glancing at me. “I’m worried about you, Milady,” she adds, turning to Padmé. “I know what this man put you through! I watched as you almost slipped away, eaten away by the heartbreak he caused. I don’t want to see you go through that again! I won’t stand by idly and let it happen!”

Padmé sighs, looking briefly at me before turning her attention back to Sabé.

“Sabé, I know you love me,” she begins gently. “And your concern for me is truly touching. But attacking Anakin in this manner is highly inappropriate; I’m shocked that I even have to tell you that! He is a guest in my home, as well as the father of my children. He deserves your respect for those reasons alone.”

Sabé lowers her eyes, the colour rising to her hairline.

Padmé walks over to her, taking her hands. “Don’t worry about me, Sabé,” Padmé tells her softly. “You have been loyal to me all these years, and I am eternally grateful to you for that. I understand that you have my best interests at heart. But this is my life, Sabé, my choices. I hope you know me well enough after all these years to know that I’d make the right ones.”

Sabé raises her tear-filled eyes to her lady’s. “Yes, milady,” she whispers.

She hastily wipes away a stray tear as she leaves us, casting a last glance in my direction.

“I’m sorry about that, Anakin,” Padmé says once Sabé has left the room. “She’s just rather protective of me after all these years, that’s all.”

I nod in understanding. “Of course she is,” I reply. “She watched over you all these years. It’s only natural that she’d see me as a threat after everything I’ve done.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that’s it exactly,” Padmé replies. “I suppose she doesn’t completely understand how you can be both Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker, how they are opposite sides of a coin.”

“Well she had no right talking to Father that way if she is ignorant of the situation,” puts in Luke at this point. “I am grateful to her for all she’s done for you, Mother, but she was really out of line talking to him that way.”

“It’s alright, Luke,” I tell him, putting my hand up. “She was saying the truth, after all. I am responsible for all the misfortune that has befallen this family.”

Luke frowns. “You are responsible for saving the lives of both your children, too,” he states. “Does she even know that? All she knows is the dark deeds you committed; she knows nothing of your redemption, nothing of the goodness that you have demonstrated time and time again. Don’t let what she has said discourage you, Father. She doesn’t know you like we do.”

I smile at my son, proud and honoured to be his father. I sense that his words, though driven by his love for me, were also meant for the benefit of his mother. Will she see what he does? Can she? My children love me despite all the ugliness of my past, and have opened their arms to me whole-heartedly; will their mother dare to do the same?

“I know, son,” I reply, putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “And I thank you for reminding me of that. I suppose sometimes the past does threaten to swallow me; I have so much to atone for that it seems I am drowning in it.”

“You have already atoned for so much, Father,” Luke tells me. “Your willingness to help the Alliance defeat the remnants of the Empire proves yet again how much you’ve changed. In time everyone will see that, I’m sure of it.”

I look at Padmé to see how or even if our son’s words have affected her. She is watching Luke, a look of wonder on her face. I sense that she is impressed by Luke’s fierce loyalty to me, further proof of the love he bears me. Can his testimonial help her to trust me? To allow her to see that the Darkness has no longer has power over me?

“Speaking of that,” I say, “when are we to return to Coruscant?”

“Well I assumed we would leave when Han gets here,” replies Luke. “I’m surprised he hasn’t arrived yet; Leia was expecting him quite early this morning.”

“He hasn’t arrived yet, then?” asks Padmé.

“No, he hasn’t,” Luke replies. “I hate to say it, but I have a bad feeling about this.”

I frown, turning my mind inward to see what it is he is feeling. The look on my face must register my shock at what I see, for Padmé’s face assumes an expression of concern.

“What is it?” she asks me. “What do you see, Ani?”

I look at Luke, wondering if he sees it too. “Coruscant,” I tell her. “I see Coruscant..”

“What about it?” she asks.

“An imperial blockade has surrounded it,” I tell her. “They are being invaded.”

“What??” Padmé gasps.

“I sense it too,” Luke says. “But I can’t tell if it’s the future or the present…can you, Father?”

I concentrate, a crease deepening in my brow as I do so. “No. I can’t tell either,” I tell him. “But one thing is certain; Coruscant is in grave danger.” Suddenly a thought strikes me, and I look at Luke, wondering if he has had the same one. Han… I tell him silently. Luke’s eyes widen as he too sees the vision that my mind has formulized.

“Leia…” Luke says softly, the concern for his twin pouring off of him.

Padmé looks from me to Luke in exasperation. “Will one of you tell me what is going on??”

“We’re worried about Han,” Luke explains. “If he didn’t leave Coruscant before what we fear has happened…” he doesn’t finish the sentence, as his mother’s face tells him that she can finish his thought for herself.

“Oh no,” she murmurs.

“I’m going to see if he has arrived,” Luke announces as he rushes out of the room.

Padmé looks up at me, her dark eyes troubled. “Oh this can’t be happening,” she says softly. “He has to be alright, he just has to be!”

I nod, hoping that he is, but feeling a feeling of dread deep inside me. “I hope so, Padmé,” I tell her. “But something tells me that something has befallen him. I can’t shake the feeling that he is in terrible danger.”

Fear fills Padmé at my words, and I have to fight the urge to comfort her in my arms.

“Oh Ani,” she says softly. “Poor Leia….my poor Leia…”

I nod, my frown deepening. Feelings of anger, of retribution surge through me as I think of the Imperial scum that would dare to harm Han. Ironic, as not that long ago I was the imperial scum putting him into carbonite…

Both of us look up as we hear footsteps approaching the room. Luke appears at the door, his face wracked with worry.

"Han isn’t here,” he tells us. “And Leia can’t reach him.”

Padmé and I look at one another. . “They won’t get away with it, Padmé,” I tell her, taking her by the shoulders gently. “I won’t let them get away with this, I promise you.”

Anger and an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness washes through me, spurring me on to action. Now I understand the meaning of the nightmare I had the previous night; the vision of Palpatine was a metaphor for the last remnants of the Empire as they try to destroy the Alliance. His attack on me was representative of the attack on Coruscant. I have a purpose now, something I have lacked for all the months since my redemption. I know now why Destiny has seen fit to give me a second chance; to see to it that the Empire I spent a life time helping to build and nurture is destroyed utterly and irrevocably. It represents evil, the twisted vision of that monster I served for so long, and I must crush it like a Jundland scorpion under the heel of my boot. The Chosen One within me has awakened at last…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 34

A light rain has begun to fall as I head down to the hangar with Luke. Even from this distance I can feel my daughter’s distress. I wonder if she too has sensed the certain calamity that awaits Coruscant; she is as strong with the Force as her brother, though has not been trained to use this gift yet. Has she seen the same visions that we have?

We find Leia in the hangar, attempting to busy herself by tidying up with a well worn broom that she’d found. She’s so much like me, I reflect; I have always busied myself whenever I was upset about something.

“This place could use a good cleaning,” she grumbles as she notices Luke and I. “I guess it doesn’t get much use.”

“No, I’m sure it doesn’t,” Luke agrees. “Leia, we need to talk to you about something.”

She looks up sharply at her twin, her dark eyes full of trepidation as though she already knows what Luke is going to say. She probably does...

“What is it?” she asks simply, looking from him to me and then back to him again. “What’s going on?”

“Father and I have reason to believe that there is some trouble at Coruscant,” Luke tells her. “We have both had visions foretelling an invasion.”

Leia frowns. “Visions? What do you mean?”

“Force visions, Leia,” I tell her. “Surely you’ve had them yourself.”

Leia nods slowly. “Yes, I have. When the Death Star blew up I knew that Luke was alive and that Vader was gone…what are you telling me? That Han…that he’s…”

“No, Leia,” I tell her, taking her by the shoulders. “No, we did not foresee that. But Coruscant is in danger, and if Han is late in arriving, then it is logical to assume that he’s been delayed because of…”

“Because of an Imperial invasion,” she finishes for me, her voice hushed. Her eyes dart up to mine. I see in them the fear she feels, but also the strength, and I am proud of her.

“At the very least, a blockade,” Luke tells her. “That’s what we have envisioned, Leia,” Luke says gently. “And the sooner we can find out, the faster we can do something to help.”

“But without Han, how will we get to the fleet?” Leia asks.

Luke looks to me for answers.

“Well, there is an older model Nubian in the other bay,” I tell my children.

“That ship hasn’t flown in over 20 years, Anakin.”

The three of us turn to see Padmé standing before us.

“And that is a problem how?” I ask her with a smile. “You forget what magic I can work with these hands,” I tell her.

Padmé smiles. “I haven’t forgotten,” she says, her face coloring slightly by the unintentional double entendre.

“You think you can get her flying again, Father?” asks Luke as the four of us head for the adjacent bay.

“Do you doubt me, my son?” I ask him with feigned indignation.

Luke chuckles. “No, it’s not that…it’s just that...” he stops as he beholds the Nubian. “Wow, what a beauty.”

“She is that,” I say, looking at the ship with admiration. “Of course I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon cleaning her up, taking apart the hyperdrive, balancing the fuel intake…”

“Does that mean she’ll fly?” asks Leia, her impatience coming forth despite her efforts to keep it at bay.

“There’s only one way to find out,” I tell her. “Care to serve as co-pilot?” I ask her.

“Me??” asks Leia, surprised by my offer. “I… I’ve never flown such a ship, Father.”

“Ah, but your father could fly this ship in his sleep,” Padmé tells her. “Why don’t we all take her out and see what magic your father has managed to work on this old girl.”

I grin, loving Padmé’s playfulness. It is so refreshing to see it after so long.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Luke jumps in. “Let’s see what she’s got!”

Boarding the ship triggers a wave of memories, of moments shared by my wife and me aboard this vessel. Our trip to Tatooine, in a vain effort to save my mother; then on to Geonosis, another rescue attempt that went terribly wrong. But there were many wonderful moment aboard this vessel as well; our return to Naboo after the start of the Clone War when I proposed to Padmé…many happy moments. I suppose the last time I saw this ship, before yesterday, was on Mustafar...no, I will not think of that…I must not think of that…

“Father? Are you alright?” my son asks, noticing the subtle change in my mood.

I look at him. “Yes, perfectly,” I tell him, pushing away the awful memories of that day. “Let’s see what we can do with this old girl.”

We enter the cockpit, where I move to the pilot’s chair. The controls seem almost archaic by today’s technology, but they are familiar, like an old friend. I glance up to see Padmé standing behind the vacant co-pilot’s seat, her eyes reflecting the emotions that flash through her.

“Join me?” I ask her. She looks down at me, shaken out of her reverie by my invitation.

“Alright,” she says, tentatively sitting down on the co-pilot’s seat.

I smile at her. “Almost like old times, isn’t it?” I ask her softly.

“Almost,” she replies, looking away from me. I can feel how torn she is, how frightened she is to look back on our past; so frightened that it is preventing her from seeing a future together. I am, however, determined to make her change her mind; all I need is time and patience.

“Would you look at those old style controls,” Luke says as he sits behind his mother. “Classic!”

“Yes, they don’t make them like this anymore,” I tell him. “Where is Leia?”

“Trying to raise Han again,” Luke tells me. “She’s putting on a brave face, but I know how scared she is.”

“Yes, so do I,” I tell him, looking back at the hold. Finally Leia appears, her face set carefully to hide her true emotions.

“Any luck?” Luke asks her.

“No,” she replies quietly. “I still can’t raise him.”

“We’ll find him, Leia,” I tell her. “I promise. All set?”

She gives me a quick nod as she sits down behind me.

“Okay let’s hit it,” I tell Padmé.

It is as though we are young once again, flying side by side as we did so many times. Her skill as a pilot has not diminished with lack of practice, and I am pleased that our children are able to see this side of their mother in action.

We soar above the forest canopy, the Nubian gliding along as gracefully as it had 20 years ago.

“Anakin, you are a miracle worker,” Padmé says, giving me a smile. “This ship hasn’t run in ages! How did you do it?”

“He has magic hands, Mother,” Luke reminds her. “Didn’t you know that?”

Padmé and I laugh. Leia, however, is too lost in her own thoughts to share in the joke, and remains silent.

“Let’s see how she handles in space,” I say, itching to test the hyperdrive.

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea?” cautions Padmé. “After all, it hasn’t seen the stars in…”

She stops as we break forth from the atmosphere. “It’s so beautiful…” she says softly, looking out at the stars. I am astonished to see tears well up in her eyes, and then realize that it has been over 20 years since she has been in space, more than 20 years since she has experienced the thrill of the being surrounded by the stars.

“What’s the read out on the hyperdrive?” I ask Luke. He stands up to check.

“Operating at full power,” he tells me. “Are you really going to do this?” he asks me.

I look at Padmé. “Well?” I ask her. “Are you coming with us?”

She turns to look at me quickly. “You mean…now??”

“Yes, I mean now,” I tell her. “The Alliance needs our help, Han needs our help. Are you coming?”

I don’t put into words my heartfelt desire for her to come, my fear of leaving her behind, my desperate need to have her with me; no, I do not wish to pressure her, as difficult as it is for me not to speak what is in my heart. I must keep it to myself for now, and let her decide on her own.

“Anakin, please don’t put me on the spot like this,” she replies finally. “I…I need time to decide. I’m sorry. Please, take me back home.”

“Are you sure, Mother?” Luke asks, leaning forward and putting a hand on her shoulder. “We don’t want to leave you alone, not ever again.”

Padmé puts her hand on Luke’s and looks up at him. “I know you don’t, Luke; I’m just not ready for this. You must understand; it has been more than 20 years since I left Hannas II. The thought of leaving it…it’s just too unsettling.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t mean to pressure you, Padmé, honestly I don’t. It’s just that we don’t have a lot of time; if our vision is correct, than Coruscant is in danger, and, I’m afraid to say, so is Han. You must understand the urgency of the situation.”

“Yes, of course I do,” she replies. “You must do what you need to do, as I must do what I need to do. Please try to understand, Anakin, and respect my feelings.”

“I do, Padmé, believe me, I do,” tell her. “I will take you home now, if that’s what you truly want.”

“Thank you, Anakin,” she replies, relief filling her voice. “It is.”

I nod, and, with a sigh, return the ship to the planet below us. Silently we descend to the lush Hannan forest, and return to the hangar bay, our all too short journey at an end.

“We will leave tomorrow morning, first thing,” I tell my children as we disembark.

I watch as my family walk up to the house. Luke turns to me. “Are you coming?” he asks me.

“In a while,” I tell him. “I have a few things I’d like to check on the ship first.”

“Need a hand?” he asks.

“No, you go on and be with your mother,” I tell him. “I’ll manage.”

He nods, and then returns to his sister and mother. I watch the three of them as they disappear around the corner of the path, the forest obscuring them from my sight.

Disappointed, I return to the hangar. I have nothing that I need to check; I merely needed to be alone. Padmé’s rejection stings me, and I am angry with myself for pulling such an asinine stunt. Way to go, Skywalker, I admonish myself as I lean against the wall of the hangar. Another brilliant move… I stare at the chrome that gleams now after my tender loving care, lost in thought as I try desperately to find a way to convince my wife to trust me, and to accompany us on the trip the next day. But there are bigger issues to contend with; how am I going to help the Alliance defeat the Empire? I am but one man…and then an idea strikes me. The thought of it sends a chill down my spine, makes my heart rise to my throat…but if it works, it will all be worth it. Glancing back at the house through the open hangar door, I screw up my nerve and head for the ramp of the ship. Sorry children, you can’t help me with this one…I lift the ship from the hangar and head for space, not thinking twice about what it is I must do.

According to the latest intelligence, the Rebel fleet has dispersed throughout the quadrant. Oblivious of the imminent assault on Coruscant, they have been deployed in order to squelch the pockets of remaining Imperial dissidents they know are scattered throughout the galaxy. Checking the navicomputer I see that there is a concentration of ships in the Moddell system, bearing a signal I recognize as one used by the Alliance.

“Well, here goes nothing,” I say, and make my heading for the heart of the fleet.

Just as I make the calculations for hyperspace the comm starts beeping at me adamantly. I click it on, knowing who it will be even before I hear the voice.

“Father, what are you doing?” It is Luke.

“Testing the hyperdrive,” I tell him, glad that he cannot see the grin on my face.

“I don’t believe you,” is Luke’s reply. “Why are you doing this? Leia and I want to be with you.”

“And you will be,” I tell him. “But there is something I need to do first. It’s best that I do it alone.”

There is silence on the other end. “I don’t like the sound of that, Father,” Luke replies at last. “Why do I have the feeling you’re going to do something dangerous and reckless?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Possibly because you’ve come to know me quite well, my son,” I tell him. I can feel his anxiety, and regret making light of his fears. “Don’t worry Luke,” I tell him. “I know what I’m doing. As soon as I’m able I will send a ship for you and Leia. 24 hours, tops. Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay,” he replies petulantly. “But I suppose it will have to do. You know Mother is quite worried about you.”

“Is she?” I ask, surprised and somewhat pleased to hear it. “Tell her I’m fine, and that everything will be alright.”

“I will,” replies Luke. “Be careful, Father,” he pleads. “We’ll see you soon.”

“You will,” I reply. “May the Force be with you, Luke.”

“And with you as well, Father.”

I click off the comm and make the jump to hyperspace, putting my fate into the hands of Destiny yet again.


“We have you on our screen, Nubian Yacht; identify yourself immediately.”

“I am Anakin Skywalker,” I reply. “Requesting permission to board the medical frigate.”

“State the reason for your request,” comes back the voice. I can sense the distrust; obviously who ever this is knows who I am and who I have been for the past 22 years.

“Routine medical,” I lie, using the Force to enhance the believability of my fabrication. “I underwent extensive reconstructive surgery 6 months ago; it’s time for my physical.”

Silence. Don’t check for verification…you already did and you know why I’m here…proceed…

“Yes, we know why you’re here,” announces the voice. “Proceed.”

I smile. “Thank you,” I reply as I make my way to the medical frigate.

Despite my exoneration, I sense a great deal of mistrust among the beings that comprise the Alliance. I am met in the hangar of the frigate by a group of armed beings, who, while not actually aiming their weapons at me, make sure that I know they are armed nonetheless.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the illustrious Anakin Skywalker.”

I look to see none other than Lando Calrissian standing before me. His mistrust of me is all too plain to see, despite everything that has transpired since our last encounter.

“Calrissian,” I say. “I didn’t realize you were a physician.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “I’m not,” he retorts. “I’m here to make sure you’re not up to something.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Such as?”

“You know damn well what I mean,” he snaps. “Don’t play the innocent with me. I know exactly what you’re capable of.”

“You don’t know me at all,” I reply, getting tired of his hostility. “I am no longer the Dark Lord of the Sith who terrorized your outpost, Calrissian. I have renounced the Dark Side; I am Anakin Skywalker once again.”

“Yeah, so I heard,” he replies. “So why are you here? Really? And don’t give me the bullshit about the medical attention. I don’t buy it.”

I regard him wordlessly for a moment. He’s cleverer than I gave him credit for, I reflect.

“Come with me, and I’ll tell you what I’m really here for,” I tell him.

He looks at me, trying to decide whether I merit his trust.

“Okay, let’s go,” he says, curiosity winning out. “Lead the way.”

Calrissian and I walk through the narrow corridors of the frigate towards the sick bay where I was reborn. Having spent nearly 3 months convalescing here I am quite familiar with the lay out of the area, and find where I need to go quite easily.

“So what’s all this about, Vad...I mean Skywalker?” asks Calrissian.

“I need to find it,” I tell him, looking around inside the recovery room. “I only hope that it’s still here….”

“What? What are you looking for?” asks Calrissian.

And then I see it. “That,” I tell him, pointing at the dreaded suit that held me captive for more than two decades. It has been placed in a protective casing, perhaps for research, perhaps a symbol of the fallen Empire…but for whatever reason, the sight of it again gives me chills.

“That is why you’ve come here?” he asks in disbelief. “Why would you come looking for that? Unless you have plans on rejoining the Empire,” he goads me.

“Don’t be an idiot,” I retort. “It will be my means of infiltrating the Imperial forces.”

“But why? What’s the point of ….you mean to act as a spy??” he asks incredulously as he finally understands.

“Yes, Calrissian,” I tell him, “That’s exactly what I plan. The Alliance needs to know the locations of the Imperial strongholds, and who better to provide that information than Darth Vader?”

“You’d actually wear that…that thing again?” he asks, his shock evident on his face.

I nod, looking back at the hideous black ensemble.

“Can’t you just…access the information without going to such drastic measures?” asks Calrissian, a measure of respect now creeping into his mind. “You must have all the codes.”

“Well, I do,” I tell him. “But they may have changed them since the death of the Emperor. Even if they hadn’t, there are some things I must do in person.”

“I have to admit that I’m kind of surprised,” he tells me. “I mean, when I heard that you’d turned from the Dark Side, I confess that I had my doubts. But if you’re willing to help the Alliance by doing this…”

“It isn’t just the Alliance I’m worried about,” I tell him. “I have a personal stake in all this. My son-in-law, future son-in-law that is, is currently on Coruscant. The Empire is planning on attacking Coruscant, and I won’t see him come to any harm.”

“Son in law??” he asks in confusion. “Who are you talking about?”

“Your friend, Han Solo,” I reply. “He recently became engaged to my daughter.”

“Leia is your daughter?”

“Yes, she is Luke’s twin sister,” I tell him. “Didn’t you know that?”

“No, I didn’t” he replies. “So Han is in danger? How do you know all this?”

“I had a vision,” I tell him. “So did Luke. We Jedi have precognitive abilities; we both had a vision of Coruscant under siege.”

“And Han is on Coruscant…” he adds, finally seeing the whole picture. He frowns. “We have to let Mon Mothma know about this,” he says. “She and the other leaders are still there. If you’re right, then they could be in serious danger.”

“I am right,” I tell him. “Make no mistake about that. I need your help, Calrissian. Do you trust me?”

“I don’t suppose I have much of a choice,” he grumbles. “Han is my best friend. I’ll do what I can to make sure he’s alright. Besides that, it seems as though the Alliance could use your help. What do you need from me?”

“I need an Imperial shuttle,” I tell him, looking back at the dreaded suit. “If I make for the Imperial fleet in a Nubian, they’re bound to suspect something.”

He nods thoughtfully. “True,” he acknowledges. “That won’t be a problem; we have a few that we’ve captured that are still flyable.”

“Good,” I reply, encouraged. “There’s another thing,” I continue. “Go to Hannas II and get my children. I left them there with their mother, and I will need their help.”

“I will send someone at once,” he tells me. “But first thing is to get word to Mon Mothma,” he tells me. “That is, unless the Empire has already set up a blockade.”

"Let’s hope they haven’t got that far,” I tell him. “Otherwise it will be impossible to warn them.”

“Yeah, jamming communications will be first on the list,” he concurs. “So you’re headed for the Imperial fleet?”

“Yes,” I tell him. “I must find the fleet and avert the attack somehow. I only hope I’m not too late. If so, then I may have to take more drastic measures.”

“Drastic measures? What do you have in mind?” he asks.

I do not reply right away, and stare, as though hypnotized, at the suit that held me captive for so long. “If all goes as I hope, I plan to work a miracle,” I tell him. Because that’s about what I’ll need to make my plan work…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 35

The breath suit, as it turns out, is badly in need of repair. Examining it up close, touching it again conjures up all the memories that I have spent the past several months trying to bury. Even the smell of it is abhorrent to me; a mixture of leather, metal, and what I am certain is the smell of evil, if such a thing is possible. It seems that Sidious’ attack upon me had damaged the circuitry far more than I had originally known; but of course I was too delirious with pain and too weak to know that. What I do know is that if it weren’t for Luke, I would have died that day. Judging by the extent of the damage, it looks like I would have had less than 2 hours of life support left.

Calrissian has dispatched a subordinate to Hannas II to bring Luke and Leia to the fleet. I am hoping that I will be on my way to Kamino before they arrive, for I am certain that they will do their utmost to dissuade me from my current course of action. Not only that, I am certain that the sight of me in that hated breath suit will be unnerving for both of them. I know that I am dreading donning it once again, especially the mask; but if it will enable me to strike a blow to the Empire, one that could possibly cripple them irrevocably, then I will do it gladly.

I have spent the time since I arrived at the fleet doing my best to mend the damaged circuitry of the suit. I have at my disposal a protocol droid as well as a technician, a young woman named Kenda, who has been most helpful.

“I think that does it,” announces the technician as she adjusts the covers on the metal box that controls the breathing mechanism. “What do you think?”

I examine her work, impressed. “You’ve done well,” I tell her. “I suppose it’s time to test it out.”

She nods, her face grimacing a little as though she knows how I feel about getting into the suit again.

“Well, that would be the best way to find any remaining problems,” she adds.

“Yes, true,” I say, stalling more. My heart is racing, my pulse quickened…I suddenly feel claustrophobic just at the thought of putting that mask back on my head. But it must be done, there is no other way.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell her. I pick up the leather pants and tunic and head for the ‘fresher. Once inside, I take a deep, calming breath. “You can do this, Skywalker,” I tell myself softly. “You have to do this.” I take off my Jedi robes, folding them carefully as I place them on the floor. Standing in my shorts, I look at myself in the mirror. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be strong enough to withstand the temptation of power that this suit will bring me? Am I strong enough to resist Darth Vader’s lure?

“Yes,” I announce, picking up the leather pants. “I am.”

Adjustments have been made to the leather pieces, for the prostheses added several centimeters to my height. Now that I am back to my own, natural height, some tailoring was required in order to make them fit properly. They did a good job, I note, as I put them on. They are a perfect fit.

After donning the outfit, I look back in the mirror. “Nice look,” I tell myself, a sour expression on my face. I shake my head, and then head out the door.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I tell Kenda who has been polishing the helmet in my brief absence.

She stands up and looks me up and down. “The adjustment are okay?” she asks.

I nod. “Yes,” I tell her. “Perfect. The boots are next.”

I sit down and pull the tall leather boots on, the sensation of them on my bare feet somewhat startling. Next are the shin guards, originally meant to protect my prosthetic legs. I strap them on and stand up.

“Now let’s see how this thing fits on,” she says, standing up on tip toe to slip the leather straps around my neck and shoulders, placing the box on the rectangular hole in the front of the suit. This box used to be my life support- now it is merely a prop that I must don in order to play the part of the Dark Lord I renounced many months go.

“The shoulder armor,” I tell her. “That holds it in place.”

“Right,” she says, taking it from the droid. “Can you sit down? I mean, you’re really tall.”

“Sorry,” I tell her, sitting down. “I sometimes forget.”

She smiles. “No problem.” She adjusts the armor across my shoulders, and I can feel its oppressive weight immediately. “Is that it?” she asks, looking down at me.

I nod. “Yeah, that’s it,” I reply.

“Okay, what else have we got here?” she turns to the droid. “Belt?”

“Thanks,” I say, taking if from her and strapping it on. I had forgotten how much all of this paraphernalia weighs. How did I manage to endure this for so long?

After getting every other piece in place, including the robes, the cape, the chest piece, gauntlets, codpiece, the mask and helmet were left.

“You know, we don’t have to try it right now,” Kenda said, seeing my trepidation. “Why don’t you take a break? The mask needs some work still anyhow. And besides, I this can’t be easy for you.”

“No, it isn’t,” I admit. “But it has to be done.”

“Yes, I know…but, just let clean this up a bit more. I’ll be right back,” Kenda says as she runs out of the room with the mask in her hand.

I stand up and walk around, getting a feel for the suit and the boots once again.

“Father, no!!”

I turn quickly, startled by the sound of the voice, and see Leia standing with Luke, both of them look utterly shocked and horrified.

“Father, is this your plan?” Luke demands as they enter the room. “To become Vader once again??”

“Of course not!” I tell him. “I will never do that, Luke! Surely you of all people know that!”

“Then why are you wearing that awful suit?” Leia asks her dark eyes wide.

“Just seeing you in that again…I can’t tell you how it makes me feel!”

I walk over to her and Luke and reach a hand out to each of them. Tentatively they place one of their hands in mine. I can feel that my daughter is trembling.

“It is me, Leia,” I tell her, squeezing her hand gently. “Anakin Skywalker, your father. I have not changed; I have not gone back to the Dark Side. I swear to you.”

“We know that,” Luke replies. “But why this, Father? What are you hoping to accomplish?”

“Darth Vader has access to Imperial information at the highest level,” I tell him. “I cannot guarantee that I can get at that information as Anakin Skywalker.”

“But surely they know what happened,” Leia puts in. “Surely they know that you killed Palpatine!”

“Perhaps they do,” I concur. “But even if they do, that still doesn’t mean they won’t follow Vader’s orders. If anything, it would make them fear Vader more, as being the one who had the audacity to kill Palpatine.”

“Possibly,” says Luke. “But you’re taking a terrible risk, father; too great a risk. I won’t let you do this!”

“No, neither will I,” replies Leia. “It’s too dangerous.”

“You’re both forgetting about Coruscant, about Han,” I remind them. “We don’t have time to think of other options! We must act swiftly and decisively if we are to prevent catastrophe from befalling the innocent people of Coruscant. I can do that as Vader. I can make things happen, from within the ranks of the Empire, that would take weeks to effect from outside. Don’t you see?? It’s the perfect solution!”

“Ani??”

I look up from my children to see Padmé standing in the doorway. My heart fills at the sight of her, and I smile.

“Yes, Padmé,” I tell her. “It’s still me.”

“What are you doing?” she asks as she slowly enters the room. “Why….why are you wearing that??”

“Father is planning on returning to the ranks of the Empire as a spy for the Alliance,” Luke explains to his mother. “I am violently opposed to the idea.”

“So am I,” puts in Leia, folding her arms over her chest.

“It’s the only way,” I tell Padmé. “There isn’t time for an easier one.”

Padmé frowns and I sense her great fear. “I don’t like this, Anakin,” she says softly. “What if …what if the Dark Side takes you from us again? What if you can’t resist the power being Darth Vader brings you?”

I walk over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. “It won’t,” I tell her.

“I promise you. Padmé, the Dark Side holds nothing for me but pain and anguish; a life time spent alone in that monstrous suit, enslaved to that fiend I was foolish enough to call my master. I would be a fool to want that again!! I have my children now, our children,” I tell her softly, moving my hands to her face, half expecting her to jerk away from me. But she doesn’t. “I...I have found you again,” I tell her, looking into her eyes. “My angel…you and our children are the very reason I am doing this, Padmé; to make the galaxy safe for all of us, to eliminate the evil that is manifested in the Empire once and for all. I more than anyone have an obligation to do that; if it means masquerading as Darth Vader to accomplish it, then that is what I must do.”

Padmé’s eyes fill with tears, and I feel her guard slip, just a bit. “You are too reckless,” she chides me. “You always have been.”

I smile at her. “Ah, but that’s one of the reasons you love me,” I tease her.

She smiles, despite herself. “Is it?” she challenges me.

I nod knowingly. “Yes, it is.” We stand looking at one another for a moment, as though we are alone with no one else in the room. “Don’t worry,” I tell her softly. “I will be fine. I promise.”

“You make too many promises, Anakin Skywalker,” she tells me. “One day you’ll find that you are unable to keep them all.”

“Perhaps,” I tell her. “But for now, just have faith that I am doing the right thing. Will you do that, Padmé? Will you trust me?” I turn to my son and daughter. “Will all of you trust me?”

“Of course we trust you, Father,” Luke replies. “You know that.”

Leia nods her assent, the frown on her face softening. I look back to my wife.

“Well?” I ask her. “What about you, Padmé…do you trust me?”

She looks at Luke, and then at Leia, and then back up at me, her dark eyes troubled. “Yes, Ani,” she replies at last. “I trust you.”

Such joy, such elation…I can scarcely breathe I am so smothered by it! Nothing means more to me than her trust…nothing.

“Thank you, my angel,” I tell her, smiling at her. “You have no idea what it means to hear you say that.”

She smiles at me. “I think I do,” she replies.

I bend down and plant a kiss on her brow.

“Since you’re so determined to do this, you might as well fill us in,” Leia says. “What is the plan?”

I turn to my children. “Sit down and I’ll explain it all to you. I could actually use your help,” I tell them.

I sit down at the small table, motioning for them to join me.

“Good,” says Luke as he sits down with Leia beside him. “Count us in.”

“Count me too,” Padmé says as she sits down beside me. “I’m ready to do my part as well.”

I smile at her, elated to see the Padmé I once knew again.

“Okay, this is what I had in mind…”


I spend nearly an hour thrashing out the details of my plan with my family. Emotions are running high; all of us are feeling the stress of the situation. I am getting hot sitting for so long in the suit, for we have not yet tested the environmental controls. Yet I might as well get used to being in it again, for who knows how long it will take for me to carry out my mission.

“Alright, I think I’ve got it,” announces Kenda as she re-enters the room. She stops short of the table, the heavy breath mask in her hands.

“Kenda, this is my family,” I tell her. “My wife, Padmé, my children Luke and Leia. Kenda here has been invaluable in getting this thing back into working condition.”

“Nice to meet you all,” she says. “I believe I’ve met your children, though, Anakin,” she tells me. “They are somewhat famous within the ranks of the Alliance.”

I smile at them. “Yes, I know they are.”

“Should we try this then?” she asks, indicating the mask. “I removed the carbon scoring, replaced the screen…man it was in rough shape!”

“I suppose so,” I say, standing up. I walk over to her, my eyes riveted on the grotesque mask.

“Have a seat,” she tells me, pushing down on my chest. “You know I can’t reach that high.”

“Sorry,” I apologize again. I sit down as she steps in front of me. All of a sudden I am struck with a strong wave of emotion from Padmé…jealousy??? I turn to her and see that she is watching the young woman who stands just centimeters in front of me. I grin at Padmé, and when I catch her eye, I give her quick wink. She is embarrassed that I noticed her jealous stare and looks away quickly.

“Are you ready for this?” Kenda asks me as she looks down at me.

I take a deep breath. “Yes, as ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell her.

She nods and proceeds to bring the mask to my face. Nightmarish flashes from the past assault me as it looms closer, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I feel someone come up behind me and put their hand on my shoulder, Luke. I thank him silently, knowing that I am not alone in this; not this time.

“Something isn’t right,” Kenda says as she struggles with the fastenings. “It’s…not…latching...”

“How can that be?” I ask as she pulls the mask away again, looking with bewilderment at the metal fastens.

“It’s your hair, Ani,” Padmé says at last. “It’s so long it’s preventing the fastenings from catching.”

“Of course,” I say. “When I was fitted I had none. So naturally...now wait a minute, that doesn’t mean that I have to be bald to make this work??”

Kenda laughs. “No, I don’t think that’s necessary. Besides, I don’t think your wife would let me cut off all those beautiful curls of yours anyway, Anakin,” she says with a smile.

I feel surprisingly embarrassed by the young woman’s compliment, and feel my face grow hot. I was very much admired by women when I was a young man; it’s been years since I garnered feminine attention and it feels strange and yet…nice.

“We will have to trim it though, I’m afraid,” Kenda continues. “Otherwise the mask won’t fit properly.”

“That’s okay,” I tell her, running my hand through the overlong hair. “It’s time for a trim anyway.”

Kenda looks up at my family. “Do you want to do the honors, Mrs. Skywalker?”

Padmé’s eyes widen. “Me?” she asks. “Why me?”

“I just figured you wouldn’t trust anyone else to do the job,” Kenda replies with a smile as she walks over to Padmé with a pair of scissors in her hand.

Padmé stands up and takes them, looking down at them for a moment. “Well, I haven’t done this in a while, but I guess I could do it if it needs to be done. I do hate to see it cut though,” she says as she walks over to me. “I have always liked it long,” she says, absent mindedly running her hand over my long locks.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you there,” Kenda says, giving me and admiring look. “Let me grab a towel so we don’t get hair all over the suit.” She heads for the ‘fresher.

Padmé steps in front of me and looks down at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s just hair, Padmé,” I tell her. “It will grow back.”

“You know very well that isn’t what I meant, Anakin,” she says, putting one hand on her hip.

I smile up at her. “I know,” I tell her. “I’m sorry…I guess I’m just trying not to let this situation get me down.”

She nods. “I understand,” she says.

“Here we go,” Kenda announces as she rejoins us. She hands Leia the towel and my daughter promptly drapes it around my shoulders.

“Okay, here goes,” Padmé says as she commences. First she uses her fingers to smoothe it down. “Your hair has always been so soft,” she tells me.

I look up at her with a smile, enjoying the proximity of her body. She’s close enough that I can smell the fragrance of her perfume. I fight to keep my composure as she runs her fingers through my hair, to keep my eyes from focusing on the lovely curves that are close to me as she cuts. And when I feel her blow errant hairs off of the back of my neck, I nearly lose my mind. It is torture, sweet torture having her so close to me, and yet, still so far. I know we have come a long way, but I fear there is still an even longer road ahead before things can be as they were, if indeed they ever can.

“There,” she says, standing back. I can see by her eyes and the flush of her cheeks that she too has been affected by our incidental contact and I smile to myself.

“What do you think?” she asks the children.

“Looks fine,” says Luke.

Leia rolls her eyes. “Typical man,” she mutters, and then stands in front of me, examining me thoughtfully. She tilts her head this way and that, walks around behind me. I sigh, and glance at my son who grins at me sympathetically.

“Keep in mind, ladies, that no one will actually see his hair,” Luke says to his mother and sister.

“Yes, we know that,” replies Leia. “But that doesn’t mean he can’t look good once he’s taken it off. After all, this isn’t going to be for long, is it Father?” she asks, looking down at me.

I smile and look up at her. “No, of course not,” I tell her, hoping fervently that I am right.

“It looks great,” Kenda says. “Nice job.”

“I agree,” concurs Leia at last. “Well done, Mother.”

Padmé smiles as she places the scissors back on the table and removes the towel. “Thank you,” she says.

“Okay, let’s see if that did the trick,” I say, running my hand through my hair, a little shocked to find how short it is.

Kenda picks up the mask again and brings it to my face. Luke and Leia stand each at a shoulder, I can feel their presence, their support and love as Kenda fits the mask into place. This time it fastens, and I am trapped. For a moment I feel as though I am suffocating, as an overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia washes over me. And then Kenda activates the machinery, and the dreadful, nightmarish sound of the regulated breathing fills the room. No one speak, for everyone, including me, is too shaken by that familiar, terrifying noise to utter a sound.

“Are you alright?” Kenda asks finally, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I take a deep breath, allowing the mechanism to filter the air through the mask. We have, naturally, adjusted the nature of the mechanism, for I no longer need it to breathe for me. Still, the mechanical sound that was associated with Darth Vader for 22 years is necessary in order for my deception to work.

“Yes,” I say, the sound of my altered voice sending a chill down my spine. “It is so…bizarre…”

I look up at Padmé, the visual receptors having been disabled so that I can use my own eyes. She is visibly upset by the sight before her, and I reach a gloved hand out to her. “It’s okay, Padmé,” I tell her, trying to soften my voice, but failing woefully. “It’s still me.”

She nods, keeping a tight rein on her emotions. “I know, Ani,” she says softly. “It’s just so hard seeing you like this,” she adds.

“I know,” I tell her. “But we all agreed that this is the only solution.”

“For now,” puts in Luke. “None of us will allow this to go on for long, Father; you agreed to that.”

I nod the weight of the mask unfamiliar and disorienting. “The helmet,” I tell Kenda. “Where is it?”

“Here,” says Leia as she picks it up from the table. “It’s so heavy…I had no idea.”

I nod. “Yes, it is,” I agree. “Put it on, Leia.”

I am glad to have my family involved in this painful process; their support and concern for me warms my heart, and bolsters my courage to do this. Leia steps in front of me and slowly lowers the heavy helm onto my head. She adjusts it until she feels it click into place, completing my dreadful transformation. The look in my daughter’s eyes as she beholds me almost shakes my resolve; it reminds me of that day so long ago on Bespin when I had her beloved Han Solo in my custody and was having him frozen in carbonite. I have never forgotten the look she gave me that day, a potent mixture of fear, hatred and utter desolation. She looks at me in that same manner now, and it unnerves me.

I raise my hand to her face. “Leia,” I say, wishing my voice didn’t sound quite so malevolent. “It’s okay, it’s still me…it’s still your dad.”

She smiles, surprised by my use of the familiar term ‘dad’. Up until now both of my children have used the more formal title as ‘father’; and I have been finding lately that I crave less formality in our relationship.

“I know…Dad,” she says. “I’m sorry…this ...face just brings back so many bad memories.”

“I know,” I tell her as gently as I can. “And I’m sorry for that. But this time around it will be good memories, I promise you.”

“Okay, that’s long enough,” Luke says, stepping forward. “This was just a test run, right?”

“Right, Luke, right,” replies Kenda as she steps forward. “Let’s get you out of that, Anakin.”

With the assistance of my children Kenda removes the helmet and mask. I take a deep breath when I am finally free, running my hands through my sweat soaked hair.

“That was fun,” I mutter, feeling my heart starting to slow down again.

Padmé looks at me, her concern for me written all over her face. “Are you sure you can do this?” she asks me softly.

I nod. “I have to,” I tell her. “It’s rather fitting, really, don’t you think?”

She frowns. “How so?”

“I think I know what he means,” Luke says. “He was Darth Vader when he aided the Emperor in destroying the Old Republic, and now he will play the part of Darth Vader to help us build a new one.”

I nod. “Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking,” I tell him. “And remember; this is temporary. I have no intention on living as Darth Vader for any longer than necessary.”

“As if we would let you!” Leia says, putting her arm around me and kissing my cheek. “There’s no way you’d get away with that now.”

I smile. “Don’t worry, Leia,” I tell her. “I know better than to cross you.”

Luke laughs at this comment, and I feel some of the tension in the room break.

“Okay, get out of that lovely suit,” Kenda says. “I still have a few things I’d like to adjust.”

“So how is everything going?” I turn to see Lando Calrissian entering the room. “Luke! Leia!” he exclaims and comes over and embraces them both. “So good to see you both!”

“Thanks Lando,” replies Luke. “Good to see you too. I want to thank you for helping my father the way you have.”

Lando shrugs. “Sounds like he’s on our side now,” he comments, looking at me.

“He is, Lando,” replies Leia. “One hundred percent. This is our mother, Lando; Padme Naberrie Skywalker.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Calrissian says with a smile.

“Lando,” returns Padmé, favoring him with a smile. “Likewise.”

“I’ve arranged for accommodations for you,” he tells us. “I figured you might need a place to crash for the night.”

“That was kind of you,” says Padmé. “Thank you.”

“Not at all,” replies Calrissian, flashing her another one of his patented debonair smiles. “I’m sure you could all use some refreshment as well.”

“I could,” I say. “I’m starved. Just let me get out of this and I’ll be right with you.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 36

The accommodations Calrissian shows us to are small and sparse. I don’t imagine are accustomed to having guests, so I suppose the fact that we have a place to sleep at all is a good thing. Along the way he has informed us that he was unable to contact the Alliance leaders on Coruscant, and that no communication channels to the capital are operational. This information, though not surprising, does nothing to lower the tension level among us, for we know that it means Han is most definitely in danger.

We are bunking in a what I assume are crew quarters, two narrow bunk beds with a small table and two chairs between them. I can sense that my wife is yet uneasy sleeping in the same room as me, even though we are in separate beds. Luke and I volunteer to take the top bunks, and, true to form, Luke is asleep within moments of his head hitting the pillow. Padmé and Leia talk quietly well into the night, the bond between them growing stronger by the moment. It is wonderful to see them together at last after all these years; sharing secrets and laughs as a mother and daughter should.

I am reminded of my own mother as I lay awake in the dark room. I miss her. I wish she had lived to see my children. Yet, part of me is glad that she wasn’t able to see how the Darkness destroyed the innocent boy she raised, that would have broken her heart. No, she died in peace, believing me to be the honorable Jedi knight I had always dreamed of being. It is indeed ironic that her death heralded one of my darkest moments, for I am certain that the slaughter of the tusken raiders who brutalized my mother was the beginning of my descent into Darkness.

Eventually I drift off, the soothing, steady hum of the ship’s engines helping me along the way. Despite the small, unyielding mattress, I manage to fall into a deep restful slumber.

My sleep is interrupted, interjected, by the images projected by the mind of someone nearby. Someone is having a nightmare; I see the images as clearly as though I were having it myself….

I am on Mustafar, the fiery rivers that surround me sent up nauseating fumes of sulfur and other toxins…running…whoever is having this dream is running, and I can feel the terror they feel, for someone is after them. The air is heavy with smoke and poisonous vapors, and I start to choke...no, it is not the smoke, I distinctly feel fingers on my throat, and they are tightening at an alarming rate. I turn to see who is pursuing me but my vision is starting to blur due to the lack of oxygen getting to my brain…and then I hear it...the ominous, monstrous sound of a thing that had once been a man...and from the smoke emerges a hulking figure dressed all in black, one black gloved arm stretched out towards me…I am frozen to the ground as it approaches me, and in the reflection of its inhuman eyes I see…
Padmé!! I sit up as the dream shakes the sleep from me. I leap down from the bunk and see that she is tossing and turning in her sleep. She is dreaming of Vader… I kneel beside her and gently take her shoulders in my hands.

“Wake up, Padmé,” I urge her quietly so as not to wake the twins. “Please wake up!”

The room is quite dark, but I sense that she awakens, a great wave of disorientation and terror emanating from her.

“Who is there?” she whispers, her voice edged with fear, as though she is still in the throes of her nightmare.

“It’s Anakin, Padmé,” I tell her. “You’re safe. You were only dreaming.”

“Ani?” She reaches out a hand in the dark to see if I am truly there, and I take it, placing it against my cheek.

“See? I’m right here,” I tell her. “I won’t let anyone harm you,” I add, wincing at the dreadful irony of the statement.

“I had the most horrifying dream,” she tells me, sitting up. “I was on Mustafar, and…” she stops as the images create a fresh wave of anxiety and fear within her. “And…” she stops again and I can tell that she is crying. Tentatively I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her in an effort to comfort her. To my surprise she does not resist my embrace, and holds onto me tightly, her face buried in my neck. Gently I stroke her hair, as we merely hold one another in the dark, comforting one another wordlessly. I close my eyes, more moved by the simple, yet powerful moment of intimacy than I would have imagined possible. My Padmé is in my arms, trusting me; loving me, allowing me to comfort her…I can hardly believe it is happening. Part of me never wants the moment to end, and another part is afraid that I will wake up to discover that I am dreaming it all up.

“Promise you’ll come back to me, Ani,” she whispers in the dark. “Promise me you won’t leave me again.”

My throat constricts with the emotions that fill me at the sound of her heartfelt pleas, at the echoes of profound love that I feel in her words.

"I promise, Angel,” I tell her, taking her wet face into my hands. “I will never leave you again, Padmé. You are my very soul, I am lost without you.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” she sobs quietly, unable to keep her feelings at bay any longer.

I press my lips to her brow, then to her eyes, tasting the salt of her tears. I press my forehead against hers, my hands gently holding her face. “We will never be apart again, beloved,” I tell her softly. “I promise you. I will spend the rest of my life loving you, Padmé, if you will let me.”

“Mother? Are you alright?”

I pull back as the light goes on and Leia approaches her mother’s bedside.

“Yes, Leia,” Padmé replies, wiping her tears away. “I’m fine. I just had a bad dream.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear it,” Leia says. She looks at me. “Have you managed to get any sleep?” she asks me.

“Yes, surprisingly,” I tell her. “With everything going on I was certain I’d spend the night tossing and turning. I don’t imagine I’ll be getting too much rest once this operation is set into motion.”

Leia frowns. “No, I don’t think you will. I still hate the thought of you doing this.”

“We all do, Leia,” Padmé adds. “But I trust that your father is doing what he feels is necessary.”

I smile at my wife, grateful for her support. More and more I am seeing the old Padmé I knew all those years ago, as she begins to emerge from the protective shell she has built around herself.

“I know,” says Leia with a sigh. “And I’m proud of him for doing it. I’m just …afraid…”

I reach out and take my daughter’s hand. “You don’t need to be afraid, Leia,” I tell her. “You won’t lose me to the Dark Side; I promise you that.”

“That isn’t what I’m afraid of, Dad,” she tells me. “I’m afraid that they will find out what you are doing. I’m afraid that …that they will know who you’ve become. And if they do…” she stops, and I can see the fear in her mind, the unspoken words that she daren’t utter aloud…afraid that they will kill you for it…

“That will not happen,” I tell her, squeezing her hand gently. “By the time they have discovered my true identity, it will be long after we have seen them defeated and eradicated from the galaxy.”

Leia tries to smile, but I know she is worried, and not just for me; she still has heard no word from Han Solo, and with Calrissian’s attempts to contact the Alliance leaders on Coruscant unsuccessful, we all know that he is in almost certain danger.

“Why don’t we all try to get some more sleep,” Padmé suggests at last. “We have a long, difficult day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“Good idea,” Leia says. She bends and gives each of us a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight to you both. Sleep well.”

She walks over and turns off the light and then I hear her climb back into her bed on the opposite side of the room.

I stand up to return to my bed when if feel Padmé take my hand. “Goodnight, Ani,” she tells me.

I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss it tenderly. “Goodnight my angel. Sweet dreams.”

I climb back up into the top bunk, and settle in again, hoping to get back to sleep. I smile in the dark as I relive in my mind what has just transpired between my wife and me, scarcely able to believe it really did happen. Was she still half asleep and therefore not cognizant of what she was saying? Or was she truly expressing her feelings to me at last? I roll over with a sigh, only to hear my son snoring softly on the other side of the room, blissfully oblivious to what has just happened. I chuckle to myself, and then close my eyes, determined to grab a few more precious hours of sleep.

Morning arrives all too quickly. I awake to find that I am the last one asleep, again, for the room is empty besides me. Climbing down from the bed I stretch, feeling the tension in my back and shoulders ease a little in the process. The door slides open to reveal Luke and Leia.

“Good morning,” I say as they enter the room. “How late is it anyway?”

“Not that late,” Luke assures me. “Leia told me you were up in the night, so we figured you could use the sleep.”

“Where is your mother?” I ask them.

“She’s getting dressed,” answers Leia. “I think she’s pretty upset, actually. That must have been a terrible nightmare last night.”

I frown as images from my wife’s dream flash through my mind. Is that the fear that keeps her from opening her heart to me again? Are the scars inflicted by Darth Vader so deep that they will never heal completely?

“It was,” I tell her. “Believe me.”

“She told you about it?” asks Luke.

“No, she didn’t need to. Her mind projected it while she slept; she and I have always had a connection, you see.”

“You mean you saw what she was dreaming?” Leia asks in amazement.

“Yes, I did,” I tell her. “My own sleep was disrupted by her dream, so strong were the images and the emotions that she was experiencing.”

“It was about you, wasn’t it?” Luke asks.

I look at my son, and nod. “Yes, it was. But it wasn’t Anakin Skywalker she saw, it was Darth Vader.”

“I’m not surprised she would have such a dream after seeing you in that suit yesterday,” Leia observes. “It must have been horrible for her. Luke and I had seen you before, and it was hard enough for us; but Mother has never seen you like that, not in person at any rate.”

“You’re right,” I agree. “It must have been very difficult for her.” I sigh. “I wish there was another option. I feel like your mother is finally starting to open up to me again; I just hope this doesn’t negate all the progress we’ve made.”

“It won’t,” Luke declares. “Her feelings for you are very strong, Father. Anyone can see how much she adores you.”

I smile. “Well son, there’s never been an issue of love between us; quite the opposite. The question is can she put the past behind her? I honestly don’t know at this point, to tell you the truth.”

“Give her time,” Leia tells me. “I agree with Luke. She loves you deeply, there’s no question. I mean, she’s here, right?”

“Yes, that is true,” I concur. “How did you convince her to come with you? When I left she seemed adamant about remaining on Hannas II. What changed her mind?”

“Your crazy stunt changed her mind,” Luke says with a smile. “When she found out that you had left without Leia and me, she knew that you were up to something. I guess she knows you pretty well.”

I laugh. “That she does. Are you saying that she came here to try and stop me?”

“No, I don’t think that was her thinking,” Luke continues, looking at his sister for confirmation. “I think she just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yes, that was my feeling too,” agrees Leia. “It was as though she …changed gears when she heard that you had left like you did. She became so ..decisive, so much stronger than I’d seen her until that moment. I think in that moment we were seeing the old Padmé Skywalker.”

I nod. “I’m seeing glimpses of her too,” I tell them. “Slowly but surely, she is returning to us.”

“I guess in a way she is experiencing a rebirth just as you are,” observes Luke.

“I think so too, Luke,” I tell him. “And it is wonderful to see. I only hope that the impending separation between us isn’t long…” I stop as Padmé appears in the doorway.

“Good morning,” I say to her with a smile.

She returns my smile as she enters the small room. “Good morning,” she returns. “Did you enjoy your sleep?”

I nod. “Yes, thanks.”

I watch her as she busies herself, knowing that she is ill at ease with what the day will bring. Or is it our moment of closeness last night that has her feeling this way? Does she regret the tender words we exchanged?

“Lando has arranged for us to have some breakfast before…well, before you leave, Father,” Luke says.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat anything,” mutters Leia.

I walk over to her and lift her chin with my finger so that she’s looking me in the eye. “Of course you will,” I tell her. “We all will. This is not the end, Leia, this day is a beginning. I swear to all of you that the Empire will cease to exist, its power exterminated. I will see to it personally, and who better to undo the Empire than the very person who had a hand in creating it in the first place? So please, no sad faces. We all have our part to play in this; mine just happens to require a more elaborate costume than any else’s.” I smile, trying to lighten the somber mood that has fallen over my family.

Leia finally cracks a smile, though it never does manage to reach her eyes. I pull her close, and hold her for a moment, reassuring her silently that we will get through this.

"I guess I’d better get dressed,” I say, releasing Leia. “It’s getting late.”

“We packed a bag for you, since you left without taking anything with you,” Padmé tells me as she hands me a small duffle bag. “What did Obi-Wan always say about you? ‘Always on the move.”

I laugh as I take the bag from her. “One of many things my former master used to say about me,” I quip. “Thank you,” I tell her. “That was very thoughtful of you.”

“Well we couldn’t have you bringing down the Empire without a change of shorts now, could we?” jokes Luke.

We all laugh, and the moment serves to break the tension that is almost tangible among us.

“True enough,” I say. “Well I’ll be quick. Meet you in a few minutes.”

I leave my family and head for the ‘fresher down the corridor. I am met halfway there by Lando Calrissian. His dark eyes are troubled, and his brow furrowed with concern.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“I still can’t reach Mon Mothma, Ackbar or any of the others on Coruscant,” he tells me. “Something is definitely going on there, Anakin. You were right. I just hope they’re okay.”

I frown, nodding my head thoughtfully. “I hope so too. Time is of the essence now. We have to move fast if we are to prevent all out war from starting.”

“War??” Calrissian echoes. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m not,” I reply. “Did you really think the Empire would roll over and die with the end of Palpatine? The Imperial ranks are full of ambitious men who care about nothing but power and wealth. They are not about to relinquish that simply because the Alliance has decided that galactic peace is the way of the future. They will fight to the last man to preserve what they have, no matter how many innocents they have to kill in the process. Chaos is a very dangerous thing, Lando. Very dangerous.”

“You’d know better than anyone what the Empire is capable of,” he observes. “I only wish we had you with us, Anakin. But I understand why you feel compelled to do this.”

“I can assure you that I don’t like it,” I tell him, anxious to be on my way. “I would much rather be with my family on some quiet, peaceful planet somewhere; but until there is peace in the galaxy, I have no choice. My children and my wife will be invaluable to you though; I’m sure you will find their contributions will be tremendous.”

“No doubt of that,” he concurs. “I won’t hold you up any longer,” he says, seeing that I m still in my sleeping pants. “Breakfast is on its way. I’ll talk to you then.”

“Good,” I say. “Until later then.”

Time seems to be racing, hurtling me forward to the moment I have been anticipating and yet also dreading. Before I know it, I am again standing in the black suit, staring at myself in the mirror. This is it, the moment of truth, the moment when I will either lose my nerve or forge onward to embrace my destiny. There is so much at stake, and I know that the future of the galaxy is on my shoulders. This is my chance to atone for the sins of my past, and I have to grab it with both hands. With a sigh I leave the ‘fresher, the cumbersome armor weighing heavily on me as heavily as the gravity of the moment. My family is with me; I know that this is as difficult for them as it is for me, perhaps moreseo. Despite their trust and love, I know that each one of them is afraid deep down inside that I will slip into the Darkness once again and this makes me more determined than ever to prove myself.

“Well, I guess the big moment is here,” I say, my eyes drawn to the heavy mask and helmet that await me.

“Have a seat, Anakin,” Kenda instructs me. Her demeanor has changed drastically from the previous day; is it is the gravity of the situation that has subdued her? Or does she share the same fears that my family has?

“Darth Vader will not win this time,” I tell them all, reading in their eyes the unspoken fears. “I swear to each of you, that though I may don this mask and armor, the Sith shall not take me from you. On my life I swear it.”

Leia comes to me and without a word wraps her arms around me. I know she is doing her best to control her emotions, as are we all. Luke puts his hand on his sister’s shoulder and looks up at me, his eyes shining with the tears that he is fighting to keep at bay. “This will all be over soon,” he tells me. “I know it. I have complete faith in you, Father…Dad. I know that you are the Chosen One, and that you will destroy the Empire.”

I smile at my son, the pride I feel for him in equal measure to the love I bear him. “I can’t do it alone,” I tell him. “I will need you to do your part as well, Luke. And I know you will. Your part in this is tremendously important as well, son, just as Leia’s and yours, Padmé,” I say, looking up at her. “The Alliance will need your leadership to see them through this.”

Padmé merely nods, too emotional to reply.

"Well, I can’t put this off any longer,” I say, releasing my daughter. “Let’s get on with it.”

I sit down and take a deep breath, preparing myself for the dreaded moment.

“Before I do this,” Kenda says while holding the mask in her hands, “I just want to let you know what tremendous respect and admiration I have for you for doing this, Anakin,” she says. “You are a brave and honorable man, and the Alliance is lucky to have you on our side.”

I smile at her, warmed by her unexpected words of praise. “Thank you, Kenda,” I tell her. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without your help, though; you have been invaluable to me in this, and I thank you.”

She shrugs somewhat self-consciously. “We all do what we can, Anakin,” she says. “My part is less significant than yours, but I’m proud to do it.” She looks down at the mask in her hands. “Are you ready?”

I look down at the mask and nod. “Yes, I suppose I am,” I say. I look one more time at each of my children, and then at my wife. How long will it be before I see them again? May Destiny grant that I do see them again…

Kenda brings the mask forward and prepares to place it over my face, when

Padmé speaks up. “Stop!” she says. “Before you do this, there is something I need to do.” Kenda looks at me, puzzled, but moves away as Padmé steps over to me. She stands in front of me, and for a moment, our eyes merely gaze at one another. Then, to my utter surprise, she takes my face in her hands and brings her mouth to mine. I am stunned for a moment, but recover quickly, pulling her close to me, responding to her kiss. I had almost forgotten the sweetness of her beautiful mouth, the way she can make my blood race merely with a kiss such as this one. But it ends, all too quickly, and I find myself looking at her as she holds my face in her hands. “I love you,” she says softly. I smile, elated by her declaration. There has not been a doubt in my mind of her feelings, but to hear her voice them means more to me than I can say.

“I love you too, Padmé,” I tell her. “Don’t ever forget that, my angel.”

She nods, as the tears fill her eyes. Reluctantly she releases me, and steps back. Our eyes never leave one another’s until the mask is placed over my face. Within moments the dreadful hiss of the breath mask sounds in the room, silencing everyone with a terrible sense of anxiety. The mask completes the transformation, and, once again, I find myself trapped within the black nightmare that supported my life for more than 20 years.

I stand up and look at each of my children. Their reactions this time are calmer, and I am grateful for that. They know it is me, they know that the appearance of Darth Vader is merely that, an appearance. Next I look back to Padmé. I walk over to her and put my hands on her shoulders.

“I will be back, Padmé,” I tell her, hating the mechanical sound of my voice that prevents me from speaking to my wife with the tenderness I want to impart to her.

She smiles up at me, and reaches up with her hand to tentatively touch the side of my mask. I know the intent of the gesture, despite the strangeness of it under the present circumstances. “I know you will, Ani,” she says.

Lando Calrissian enters the room at this point. “All set, Anakin?”

I tear my eyes away from my wife to look at him. “Yes, I am.” I release Padmé and walk to the door to meet Calrissian. I turn back to my family one last time.

“May the Force be with you, Father,” Luke says as he puts his arm around his sister.

“And with you as well,” I tell him. And before I lose my nerve, I turn away and walk out the door.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 37

Alone now, in the vastness of space, I make my way to Coruscant. Will I be able to pull this off? So much is riding on my ability to do so. Failure is not an option; the galaxy is counting on me. Suddenly I am reminded of a day long ago, the day I renounced Dark Side. My first master, Qui G’on Jinn had appeared to me as I clung to life aboard the Imperial shuttle, his words seem prophetic to me now: You cannot give up, Anakin Luke needs you, the galaxy needs you… I wasn’t certain before if he was right, about that or even if I was the Chosen One at all. But now I know everything Qui G’on said and believed in was true. He knew I would earn the forgiveness and love of my children, even when was too miserable to even hope.

“And now you will fulfill your destiny, Ani, just as I always knew you would.”

I turn and see Qui G’on’s image sitting beside me, his eyes looking at me with calm benevolence.

“I know now what that destiny is, Master,” I tell him, “though I never would have imagined it would entail this,” I add, indicating the black armor and mask.

Qui G’on nods sagely. “No, not even I could foresee such irony, Anakin. But perhaps now you understand me when I say that falling into Darkness was part of being the Chosen One, for had you never become Darth Vader, you’d not now be in a position to undo all the damage that he did. Truly ironic wouldn’t you say?”

“Is it?” I ask. “Perhaps it was all preordained by the Force. Perhaps I had no choice at all in anything.”

“Perhaps, but I don’t believe that, Ani,” he replies. “You forget about free will, one of the greatest gifts we have, and one of the most dangerous.”

I nod slowly. “Yes, I cannot forget that.” I sigh, my mind becoming muddled by the philosophical nature of our conversation. “I should have known better than to doubt you, Master. I mean, your faith in me never wavered, did it? Even when I was the henchman of the emperor?”

“No Ani, I never doubted you would return to the Light,” he tells me. “I regret that you had to suffer in the way you did, but I suppose that was all part of the burden of being the Chosen One.”

“I suppose,” I concur. “But that’s all behind me now, Master. My children have accepted me; they have forgiven me and love me. And my wife has told me that she loves me as well,” I tell him, smiling under the mask. “I never would have believed it possible, but I have tremendous hope that she and I will finally get to live our life together the way we were meant to.”

Qui G’on smiles. “I’m happy to hear it, Anakin,” he tells me.

The navi-computer signals my approach to Coruscant. I can feel my heart rate increase as I begin the reversion.

The Force will be with you, Anakin, always… I hear Qui G’on’s voice as his image slowly disappears.

The Aggressor, the Lusankya, the Intimidator….the blockade is enormous, I realize with a sinking feeling. Not since the Battle of Coruscant over 20 years ago has the capital been so besieged by enemy vessels. Knowing that there is enough firepower amid the armada to level the surface of the planet, the sense of urgency that has been pressing upon me increases.

“Identify yourself, unidentified shuttle.”

With palms sweating, I enter the code, half expecting it to be rejected and to be blasted out of the sky.

The wait seems unending as I hold my breath in dreadful anticipation.

“Intimidator is prepared to receive you, you are clear to proceed.”

A sense of relief fills me briefly, to be replaced almost immediately by an adrenaline rush that almost makes me dizzy. With pounding heart I pilot the shuttle using the coordinates transmitted by the Intimidator towards its belly. As the ship looms ever closer, I have to fight a sense of panic that has crept into my brain, panic that I am walking into a trap. What if they know who I am? What if they heard that Anakin Skywalker has returned to the galaxy? Are they just waiting for me to board the ship before they take me into their custody and have me executed? I take a deep breath, using the Force to calm myself. I must be calm, I must be confident, I must be in control…I must TAKE control…

The shuttle lands in the hangar bay, and I see a small group of armed clones stands ready headed by a uniformed officer. Here we go…

I lower the ramp and, summoning my nerve and the strength of the Force to guide me, I descend the ramp, my black cloak billowing behind me. The officer below is utterly shocked, his face a mixture of shock and terror, as though he believes he is witnessing the apparition of a specter from beyond the grave.

“Lord Vader??!!” he exclaims when I reach the end of the ramp. “How...how is this possible?? We’ve believed you to be dead all these months!”

“The reports of my demise were clearly erroneous, lieutenant,” I intone, pleased with the malevolence the mask imparts to my voice.

“But…where have you been, my...” he begins but I stop his words with a wave of my hand over his face.

“My disappearance is completely understandable and logical,” I tell him. “You know where I have been, you know why, and you have no further questions on the matter.”

The officer stares at me blankly as I easily plant the thoughts into his mind.

“Welcome aboard, Lord Vader,” he says at last. “Let me show you to the bridge.”

The Intimidator is significantly smaller than the ship that had been my home for over a decade, the Executor; but the lay out is not that different. Along the way I question the officer, whose name I’ve learned is Dortman, about the current Imperial siege of Coruscant.

“The Coruscant System is under our control, my lord,” he informs me proudly. “The Rebel scum are so stupid they left the capital almost completely unprotected! Can you imagine?”

I only nod in response, careful not to say anything that may contradict the charade I have so meticulously created. “Has there been any contact with the leaders?” I ask him.

“Minimal contact, my lord,” he tells me. “They have refused to accept our terms of surrender, however. The Admiral is currently consulting with the commanders of the Vengeance and the Lusankya in light of this refusal.”

“I will take over from here,” I tell him. “Inform the admirals of my return, and tell them to report to me at once.”

The officer raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Is there a problem with compliance, lieutenant?” I ask him, putting just the right edge in my voice to convey my displeasure.

“No, no!” Dortman gushes. “Of course not! I will do so at one, my lord!”

“Good,” I tell him. “I will wait for them on the bridge. Make arrangements for my quarters as well. I will require reports on all the Imperial movements in the past 5 months, as well as what losses were incurred at the Endor moon. See to it that this information is available to me as well as the Imperial data base as soon as possible, lieutenant.”

“Yes, my lord!” replies Dortman at once. “I will see to it personally.”

The young man scurries off to do my bidding, and I continue on to the bridge alone. So far so good… I think, breathing a sigh of relief at the success I’ve managed so far. The next step may not be so easy.

My entry onto the bridge creates a stir among the men and officers working busily at their stations. There is a hush, and I can feel the tension, the fear that each one of them is filled with at the sight of me. Fear is good...fear will help me do this...

“Report!” my menacing voice rings out, shattering the pregnant hush.

At once two officers rush over to me, and, after gushing their relief and happiness at seeing me, fill me in on what has been going on since their arrival at Coruscant two days earlier. I listen with only an occasional nod of my head to acknowledge that I am listening.

“That is all,” I tell them. “I will meet with the admirals in the briefing room when they arrive.”

“Very good my lord,” the captain replies with a bow. He and his junior officer leave me, only too happily I sense, and I walk over to the large window. I assume my customary stance, hands behind my back, as I gaze out the window…almost as though nothing has changed at all… But everything has changed, irrevocably changed. I am not enticed by the power that being Darth Vader brings me; quite the opposite in fact. I am revolted by the thought of all that I did while living as this malevolent creature, revolted by the terror that the very sight of me strikes into the men around me. How did such a life ever appeal to me? What did I find to live for all those long and lonely years living as this hollow man? Now that I have my family, I know that their love is worth more than all the power I ever wielded as Darth Vader. This revelation, while not surprising, gives me strength, for I know what it means; I have passed the test, and have taken the next step towards fulfilling my destiny.

As I stand in front of the huge window, I close my eyes and bring my mind into oneness with the Force. I reach out through the vastness of space, searching for my son’s luminous presence. He and I are so closely linked that it does not take me long to find him, and through the Force that connects us I send him a message; Get ready…

Next I stroll casually to the row of technicians all seated at their consoles. They glance over their shoulders at me nervously, wondering why I am there, what I want, who is going to die at my hand for the least innocuous misstep. I find what I need, and, manipulating the Force with a slight movement of my hand, distract the communications officer momentarily. In that instant, transmissions that have disrupted the communications to and from Coruscant are interrupted. The communications officer returns his attention to his post, and I sense his puzzlement at the readout on the screen. He calls over his superior officer, who comes over at once. Hurry Luke…I tell him through the Force...hurry… It doesn’t take them long to correct the apparent malfunction, and resume the transmissions. I can only hope that the momentary interruption was long enough for Luke to send a message to Coruscant. If he didn’t, then the rebel leaders, not to mention Han Solo, will be in for an unpleasant surprise when Darth Vader comes calling.

“Lord Vader! Lord Vader!”

Oh yes…that’s me now…

I turn to see Lieutenant Dortman rushing towards me.

“What is it, Lieutenant?” I ask.

“The information you asked for,” he tells me, handing me a datapad.

I take the data from him, trying to hide my eagerness to read its contents.

“I’ve also arranged for your personal quarters,” he adds. “With a hook up to the Imperial database. I…I wasn’t sure about your personal..requirements…” he says nervously.

“I will see to that myself,” I tell him. “Thank you, Lieutenant,” I add. “You’ve done well.”

The look of utter astonishment on the young officer’s face upon hearing my words tells me that I have made my first mistake. Darth Vader does not thank anyone…nor does he commend an officer for merely doing what he is told. Idiot! You should know that!
“That will be all,” I say, hardening my voice. “Dismissed.”

“Of course, my lord,” Dortman replies, leaving me at once.

I must be more careful...I admonish myself. I look down at the datapad, anxious to read its contents.

“Alert me when the admirals arrive,” I instruct the captain I had spoken with earlier. “I will be in the briefing room.” I leave the bridge and enter the small adjoining conference room. Alone now, I sit down, fighting the urge to take off the despised helmet and mask, but know I can’t dare take the risk. I have already made one small blunder; I can’t afford to make another.

I activate the datapad and begin reading the report on the Imperial losses and movements since the destruction of the second Death Star.

Casualties

Emperor Palpatine

Darth Vader

Yes, he is dead- there is no doubt of that.

Moff Jerjerrod

Well, that wasn’t exactly true…he was dead before the Death Star blew up.

Admiral Piett

I pause here, seeing the name of the closest thing I had to a friend, and find myself missing his quiet efficiency. I like to think that had he lived he would be with me in my crusade against the Empire.

I skim over the rest of the names, officers I knew, most I didn’t, the names starting to blur together, meaningless in their overwhelming numbers.

89% of TIE fighters
91% of shield command bunker staff
81% of stormtroopers, civilian contractors and imperial personnel aboard the Death Star, the Executor, and several Star Destroyers (including 2 captured, Accuser and Adjucator)
Estimated casualties in total: 1,000,000 personnel

1,000,000 personnel…my mind reels at the staggering number. I go on to read the number of star destroyers that were lost, more than 75% of the entire fleet. No doubt the late emperor expected nothing less than complete victory over Endor, or else he would not have jeopardized such a huge portion of the fleet that way. Of course, he didn’t think my opinion was worth anything in this issue, or any other for that matter; I would have advised him against such a foolish and arrogant move. Now I am glad of it, though; for it will make the job of the Alliance much less onerous.

I hear the sound of the door opening, and look up to see three men enter the briefing room. I do not recognize any of them, but assume by the pips on their uniform that they are the admirals of the three star destroyers currently in orbit in the Coruscant system. Two of them are fearful, surprised, even shocked to see me; the third, however, seems to harbor veiled hostility.

“Lord Vader,” he says. “I am Admiral Joneth Kastellan, commander of this vessel. These are my colleagues, Admirals Lorneth and Borg. It is certainly a surprise to see you, my lord.”

I nod, probing the man’s mind. I sense deception in him, and great arrogance. This one may be a problem…

“No doubt you are,” I reply. “I am, however, very much alive, and very much in command of the Fleet, Admiral. That is why I have called you in here.”

The man’s eyes flicker angrily, but only for an instant. He obviously knows Darth Vader well enough not to risk anything more overt. “Am I being relieved of duty, my lord?” he asks.

“Not at all,” I tell him affably. “You will continue to serve aboard this vessel as its commander; only now you will be answering to me. The same goes for you two as well,” I say, turning to the other two men, who stand in idiotic silence.

“Of course, my lord,” replies Borg, the words bursting forth from his mouth at last. “I am at your service.”

“As am I, Lord Vader,” puts in Lorneth, not to be outdone in the boot-licking department by his colleague.

“Excellent,” I say, turning back to Kastellan. “I am going down to Coruscant in one hour’s time,” I tell him. “Arrange for a shuttle.”

Kastellan nods and I sense his resentment at being asked to perform what he perceives as a menial task. “Of course,” he replies, mindful of whom he is speaking to. “I will see to it personally, Lord Vader.”

“Good,” I say. Maybe now you know your place… “Now leave me,” I tell them. “I have a great deal of catching up to do,” I say, holding up the datapad.

“Of course,” Lorneth. “Anything else I can do to be of assistance, please let me know.”

“Or I, my Lord,” pipes up Borg. “And might I say, Lord Vader, how pleasing it is to see you back with us!”

I am glad of the mask at this moment, as I roll my eyes. Oh please…have a modicum of dignity…

“It is good to be back,” I reply at last, choking on the words. “Now leave me, I have much to do.”

The three men leave me, and I breathe a sigh of relief to be rid of them. I walk back over to the conference table and sit down to continue my reading, but I cannot put the feelings of disquiet my meeting with the admirals has created within me. There is no doubt that Lorneth and Borg will be easily controlled; I am not so certain of Kastellan. Darth Vader would have had no problem with this man; a simple squeeze of the fingers applied to the larynx would solve the problem once and for all. But I am not Darth Vader, and I will not resort to the brutality he wielded with such cold blooded efficiency. I will have to use different means to best him, and, hopefully, the Force will show me the way to do this. If not, I may find myself in an extremely difficult and dangerous position. It cannot come down to that…I must not let it come down to the choice between saving my own life or taking his…may Destiny see my way clear of such a choice…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 38

I am relieved to be leaving the Intimidator. Alone on the shuttle now I reflect how difficult this charade is proving to be. Being Darth Vader is not just a matter of donning the infamous suit and mask that he was renowned for; it is a state of being, a way of acting, of even thinking, that no longer comes naturally as it once did. Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader, though sharing the same body, are two completely separate entities; would Vader have managed to pull off what I am attempting to do, I muse…not likely…Kastellan would be dead right now. Yet, the advantage of having lived as Vader for half my life will serve me in this, so long as I am careful. I now know that at least one of the men under my command harbors suspicions where I am concerned; I must tread carefully with him.

I miss my family. I am reminded now of the loneliness I endured during my life as a Sith, and wonder again how I lived such an empty life for so long. This is different though, I tell myself; this is temporary. your family is waiting for you…your family loves and needs you… this thought alone is enough to drive me to succeed, for the reward of knowing a life of peace and love with them is more valuable than any of the hollow rewards my life as Vader could ever bring me.

My first destination on Coruscant is one I am dreading, but one that is vitally necessary to my plans: the private residence of the late emperor. With the chaos that ensued following his death, I am hopeful that no one has thought to come here, that no one has dared to; for if they have, what I am endeavoring to find may already be gone.

I land my craft on the private platform inside of the building where Sidious resided while on the capital. I have only been here a handful of times; but I remember it well. As I disembark, I stand for a moment and use the Force to determine if there is anyone around. Connecting to the Force, I am hit suddenly with traces of Sidious’ Force signature. Dark malevolence swirls around me, sickening in its potency. I close my eyes and push it away from me, determined not to let the Darkness near me. I push onward, and, determining that there is no one around, I head for the lift.

Using the codes I had committed to memory years earlier, I enter the apartment. It seems to be empty, as I had hoped. I walk in slowly, my heart pounding within me, as though I expect the ghost of Sidious to appear at any moment. I move around the apartment, familiarizing myself with the layout, looking for the spot I need to find. Knowing Sidious he probably moved it around several times since I was here last, not even trusting his apprentice to its location. I stop in the middle of the room and concentrate, using the Force to guide me. I close my eyes as living energy of the Force fills me, surrounds me, and gives me the insight I need. In my mind’s eye I see it, hidden in a black box in a recess in the wall. The recess is hidden behind…I open my eyes and look around for it. “There,” I say, my voice seeming unusually loud in the tomb-like room. “That’s it.” I walk over to the far side of the room and see the painting I envisioned in my mind. It is a simple landscape, probably from Naboo, but certainly not one that would draw anyone’s attention. I lift the painting from the wall and find a small, square recess. I reach my hand into it only to receive a shock. Force field, idiot… I step back, shaking the hand that is still tingling from the electric shock it received. I stand, tilting my head to one side as I ponder this new problem. Taking my lightsaber, I activate it and insert the tip into the force field. Sparks fly, and through the shaft of the saber I can feel the energy field fighting for its life under the attack of my blade. Finally it is extinguished, with a final gasp and burst of sparks. I put my saber away and reach my hand back into the hole, reach around for a moment or two and then find a small hard object. I pull it out, a smile spreading on my face as I see what it is; a small back box. It is unlocked, and inside I see a data disc inside. I retrieve it and return the box to its hiding place. I examine the disc briefly, and then look around the room for a computer to read it on. Realizing I can access the information on the shuttle, I take my leave, only too anxious to do so.

I lean back against the steel walls of the lift on the descent to the docking bay, trying to slow the pace of my heart. You take too many chances, Anakin Skywalker my wife’s words suddenly jump to mind. I grin, thinking of her now, and her most unexpected sendoff. She’s right of course; but that is me, that has always been me. This time, angel, it will all be worth it…I promise you…

I reach the shuttle and immediately insert the data disc.

Last Will and Testament of the Galactic Emperor, Palpatine

It is in text form, and for this I am grateful; I’m not sure I could stomach the sight of the old snake even in holographic form. I read through the preliminary information, the nauseating biography, in which every fact is skewed to make the late emperor look like a galactic hero rather than a ruthless dictator. Then follows the legalese, the important stuff. I scan through it, and stop when I see my own name. I reread the section over and over, making sure I understand it completely.

In the event of my death, I name as my heir and successor, my faithful apprentice and life long friend, Lord Darth Vader.

Heir and successor?? Me??? I read the words again, still unable to believe them. That means that ….I am the emperor…no no no, not me…Darth Vader…but, I am Darth Vader on some level, aren’t I??

Confusion and shock rage through me, as the magnitude of this unexpected twist of fate hits me. I never would have dreamed that Sidious intended me to succeed him, yet, logically, who else? He had no children, he had no family at all...But I am not Darth Vader…how can I possibly succeed Sidious?? It would be the answer I have looking for, it would enable me to end the conflict once and for all… Suddenly I wish fervently that Padmé were here, I need her advice, and I need her to help me know what the right path is.

I take the disc out of the computer and engage the shuttle’s engines. I make my way to the building where the Alliance leaders are being held. Do I tell them what I have learned? Will they know how to proceed?

“I am here to interrogate the prisoners,” I announce as I am met by two officers in the foyer.

“Lord Vader! This is most unexpected! How…why…” stammers one of the men.

“I am not here to answer your idiotic questions,” I snap, “show me to the prisoners. Now!”

Well done…very Vader like…The men lead me to a small room on the second level. It is at this point that I begin to worry…was Luke able to send a message to Mon Mothma in the short time I gave him? Did she have the slightest inkling what he was telling her? Will they believe that this is all a ruse, or will they inadvertently blow my cover?

Finally we stop, and the young officer accompanying me activates the lock on a door we have reached. I stand back as he does so; summoning my nerve for what may be my very undoing if Luke has not been successful. I can only hope that the time I gave him was enough.

The inside of the room is much like the room where my trial was held weeks earlier. I look around and see the familiar faces of the rebel leaders who I had met with on that day: Mon Mothma, Admiral Ackbar, General Jan Dodonna…there was one more, wasn’t there?? Yes, Riekan..I wonder where he is..

“Well look who’s here.” I turn to the familiar voice to see Han Solo. I am so happy to see him, so relieved; but I cannot show it. The look on his face is one of fury and indignation…oh no…they think this is for real…

“A pleasure to see you too, Captain Solo,” I return, playing my part to the hilt. I turn to the young officer at my side. “Leave us.”

He bows perfunctorily and leaves the room. I listen to make sure that he has left and then turn back to Solo and the others. Each of the officers has stood up to face me. Their faces are like stone, and my heart sinks as I realize that they think the worst. “Did Luke get through to you?” I ask anxiously.

Solo approaches me, the look of anger not leaving his face. Obviously not…

“Listen to me, all of you,” I begin desperately as I remove the helmet. “This is not what you think.”

“No? What is it then?” asks Dodonna.

“Treachery, that’s what it is,” replies Ackbar, his gravelly voice thick with contempt. “This is what comes from trusting a Sith!”

“I am not a Sith!” I all but shout as my hands fumble to remove the mask. “I am Anakin Skywalker!” I pull it away and toss it to the floor. “This is all part of an elaborate plan, a plan to destroy the Empire from within! And today I have found the perfect way to do this?”

“Why should any of us believe you?” snaps Han. “And to think that I considered you a friend! What a fool I’ve been! Tell me something, Anakin, do your kids know? Does Padmé know about your..plan??”

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. “Yes, yes of course they know! They were all with me when I put this suit back on. They know I am doing this for the good of the galaxy that I have not turned to the Dark Side. Why don’t any of you see it??”

Han stops and turns back to the others, who seem confused at this point. I sense that I have made some leeway with them, and press on.

“Listen to me,” I tell them, approaching them cautiously. “If I were Darth Vader, would I be here right now? Would any of you even be alive? I have brought something for you to see, to prove to you that I am telling the truth!”

I produce a disc, a copy of all the information assembled for me by Lieutenant Dortman, and hand it to Mon Mothma. “This is the information I promised you,” I tell her, looking her straight in the eyes. “The losses, the locations, the numbers..everything.”

Mon Mothma takes the disc from me and exchanges a look with her colleagues.

“How do we know that this isn’t just a blank disc?” challenges Dodonna. “We have no way of verifying it, and you know it.”

Damn it, I should have thought of that…

“Just wait,” I say, putting the mask back on as quickly as my shaking hands will allow. “I will be right back.”

After properly suiting myself up, I leave the room and summon a clone who is standing guard just outside in the corridor. “Get me a data reader,” I command him.

“Yes sir,” he replies. Clones really are handy beings to have around…they never question an order, no matter how bizarre or repugnant it might be.

Within a few moments he returns and hands me the small device. I return to the room, and, without even bothering to remove the mask or helmet, hand it over immediately to Han. The look he gives me as I do so cuts straight to my heart. This young man and I have grown to be good friends; he is to marry my precious daughter, and yet at this moment he hates me passionately.

“Go on,” I urge them as I take the opportunity to remove the helmet and mask once again. “Look at it!”

Han hands the data reader to Mon Mothma who inserts the disc at once. Within a moment or two, I see her eyes start to move over the txt, growing wider with each word she reads. She looks up at me quickly, and then returns her eyes to the screen. The three others gather around behind her and read over her shoulder. The relief that each of them feels is enormous and I can feel it as clearly as my own.

“Okay, we believe you,” Dodonna says at last. “Good gods, man, you nearly gave me a heart attack! Couldn’t you have found some way to let us know??”

I smile. “I tried,” I tell them, and explain what had happened earlier. “Obviously I didn’t give them enough time to send the message.”

Mon Mothma nods. “Yes, unfortunately. So you have a plan, then? What is it?”

“Before I tell you, have a look at this,” I tell her, handing her the disc containing the will of Palpatine. She takes it from me and replaces the disc in the reader with this one. As she scans over the information, Han approaches me.

“I…I’m really sorry, Anakin,” he tells me. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“No need to apologize, Han,” I tell him. “Your reaction was most understandable given the circumstances.”

He nods. “Yeah, I guess so. I am so glad that I was wrong though!”

I laugh. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m just…”

“Did you see this??” Mon Mothma blurts out, interrupting our conversation. I look over at the three of them, all of whom are staring at me in shock. “It says here that Darth Vader is now the galactic emperor!”

“Yes, I know,” I tell them. “But Darth Vader is dead, that means there is no heir.”

“That is true,” Mon Mothma begins, rising from her seat and walking over to me. I can tell by the gleam in her eyes that she has an idea, and I know what it is. “As long as you are pretending to be Darth Vader, you can act as the emperor…it’s perfect!”

“Yes, yes it is,” Ackbar agrees, nodding his head. “Think of it, Anakin…you could single handedly end this civil conflict by signing your name. It’s the perfect solution.”

“You’re forgetting that I am not I repeat NOT Darth Vader!” I tell them. “You cannot ask me to do this…the temptation of that much power…it’s too much!”

“Listen to me, Anakin,” Mon Mothma says, standing in front of me and looking up at me. “This may be the only chance we have to end the war without bloodshed. Are you really prepared to pass that up?? You do want peace, don’t you?”

I turn from her, my mind spinning with all that is at stake, all that this means. “Of course I want peace!” I aver. “That isn’t the issue! You don’t understand how dangerous this is for me…that much power ….”

“You can do this, Anakin,” Han tells me. “You are strong enough not to be tempted, I know it.”

“He is the only one who knows for sure, Solo,” Ackbar says. “He must make the decision himself.”

I look back at them; torn between my desire to do what I know will end the war, and my terror at being tempted by the power of Darkness. Am I strong enough to resist? Will the headiness of being supreme leader of the Galactic Empire contaminate me? I cannot make the wrong decision, I will not be a slave to the Darkness again…but what if there is no other way? What if this truly is the only way to end the conflict and restore peace?

“Please, Anakin,” Mon Mothma says at last. “At least consider it. You must see how important this is, how important this could be.”

I nod. “Yes, I know,” I reply softly. “And I will consider it. I only wish I had my family with me to talk to about this,” I add with a sigh.

“Then go to them,” Dodonna suggests. “You’re Darth Vader; you can do what you want. Make some excuse to meet with them, if that’s what you need to do, then do it.”

“Yes, yes of course,” I say. “I can do that, can’t I?” I look at Han. “And I’m taking you with me, Solo.”

“How are you going to do that?” he asks.

“You’re my prisoner,” I tell him, putting the mask and helmet back on. “I don’t trust you. You require my personal supervision, since you are such a subversive influence.”

Han grins. “Yeah, that sounds about right,” he quips. “Okay, Lord Vader,” he says. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

I nod to the others and turn with Han to leave the room. “Wait, shouldn’t you put binders on me or something?” he asks.

“You seem to know a lot about this sort of ruse,” I observe.

Han snorts. “How do you think Luke and I rescued Leia from the Death Star?”

I smile under the mask. “It’s good to see you again, Captain Solo.” And with that we leave the room, with Han Solo in the custody of the Dark Lord once again.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 39

“How is Leia?”

I turn to look at Han. “She is very worried about you, naturally,” I tell him. “But fine otherwise. I understand congratulations are in order.”

Han smiles. “I guess so. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first, but...”

I put up a gloved hand to stop him. “Han, stop. Remember who you’re talking to. I was 19 when I eloped with Padmé, breaking every rule in the Jedi Order to do so. I’m not exactly a stickler for protocol.”

Han laughs. “Yeah, I suppose not. So how come she is?”

“Who, Leia?”

“Yeah.”

I shrug. “Must get it from her mother.”

We share a laugh at this, and I am reminded yet again of how much alike he and I are. Perhaps that is why we get on so well, as incredible as that still is to me given our history.

“So what’s going to happen to Mon Mothma and the others?” he asks. “I felt kind of bad leaving them behind.”

“Don’t,” I tell him. “I plan to put an end to the blockade. They will be freed soon.”

“How are you going to justify that?” he asks. “Don’t you think that would raise suspicions?”

“Perhaps, but I have good reason to do it, and can justify myself if anyone dares to question me. The remaining Imperial forces are divided, scattered, and leaderless. This blockade is the desperate attempt of one faction to seize control, but there is no direction.”

“And you intend to give them direction, is that it?” asks Han.

I nod. “Exactly. Darth Vader was the supreme commander of the Imperial fleet. It will be perfectly natural for me to resume that command now that I have returned.”

“Yeah you’re right,” Han agrees, nodding. “So you get them to leave Coruscant, then what?”

I sigh, the sound of it odd and artificial sounding through the mask. “Well that depends on whether or not I decide to accept Palpatine’s legacy.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you should,” Han says. “It would put you in the perfect position to dismantle what’s left of the Imperial forces.”

“I know that, Han,” I tell him. “But there’s so much more to it. The old adage ‘power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely’ is all too true. Palpatine was proof of that.”

“But you’re a good person, Anakin; you have honor and integrity, not like that twisted old mynock.”

“Thanks,” I reply, chuckling to myself at Han’s colorful description of the late emperor. “But first things first. I’m afraid we don’t have enough fuel to get back to the Rebel fleet. We’ll have to return to the Intimidator for the night.”

“Great,” replies Han wryly. “Just what I’ve always wanted.”

I laugh. “Just follow my lead, Han. I’ll make sure no harm befalls you. But remember; don’t take anything personally.”

Han scowls. “Now, why doesn’t that make me feel any better about this?”


Kastellan meets us in the docking bay, and seems surprised that I have Han Solo in my custody.

“A prisoner, my lord?” he asks, looking at Han with an expression of undisguised disgust.

“Yes,” I reply, walking along briskly with Han in tow. “One who will lead us to the Rebel Fleet.”

“Oh?” Kastellan responds. “Perhaps my lord doesn’t know who this man is. I highly doubt that…”

“I know exactly who he is!” I snap, turning to face the arrogant man. “Do you take me for an idiot, Admiral??”

Kastellan blanches, and for the first time I see fear in his eyes. Fear and hatred.

“Of course not,” he replies quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply that…”

“Han Solo is a cold blooded mercenary who would sell out his own mother for the right price,” I tell him, seeing the look of shock and indignation on Han’s face at my declaration. “He will be handsomely rewarded for his part in this, isn’t that right, Solo?”

“Yeah,” he mutters. “I’d better be or else the deal is off, Vader!”

I smirk under my mask. He’s enjoying this too much I think…

“You have my word,” I tell him. “Now come, we have much to do.” The two of us walk away from Kastellan toward the lift.

“Ouch,” says Han once we’re inside.

“I told you not to take anything personally,” I remind him. “Besides,” I add, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I have a feeling you’ll give as good as you get.”

Han lifts his eyebrows. “You mean I get to give it back?” he says, rubbing his hands together.

“Of course,” I reply. “We have to make this as realistic as possible. I’m sure there are a few things you’ve always wanted to say to Darth Vader. Now is your chance.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” he grumbles. “I mean, you’re not Darth Vader anymore. Besides, if Leia finds out I was dissing her dad she’ll kick I disagree.”

I laugh out loud, both at the look on his face and the comment. It sounds so odd coming from behind the mask; perhaps it’s a good thing Vader was a mirthless man.

“It will be our secret, in that case,” I assure him.

Han laughs. “Good,” he says. “Last thing I need is her ticked off with me before we even get married. Plenty of time for that after we’re married.”

I have to control my laughter as the turbolift doors slide open at this point. However, the grin on my face is still there as we walk past the group of technicians in the corridor.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be under guard for the night, Han,” I tell him quietly as we get out of earshot. “But it won’t be in the detention block at least. I’ll arrange for some crew quarters. You are, after all, a valuable informant.”

Han winces. “Yeah, lucky me,” he says sourly. “I guess this is one occasion when my past comes in handy. I mean, what you said back there was pretty accurate.”

“No it isn’t,” I reply. “You’d never betray the Alliance, I know that. You have honor too, Han; don’t ever doubt that.”

He smiles self-consciously, obviously unaccustomed to such praise. “Honor, eh? Imagine that.”

“Yes, honor,” I say, stopping as I see a junior officer approaching. “Lieutenant, I have a job for you.”

The young officer approaches me quickly. “Yes, my lord? What can I do for you?”

“This man is an informant,” I say, indicating Han. “And needs a place to spend the night. He will, of course, require a guard outside his door, should he decide to change his mind.”

The officer looks at Han haughtily. “Yes, of course, my lord,” he says. “You never can trust a traitor.”

Han frowns. “Nor an Imperial,” he retorts.

The officer looks shocked, and glances at me as though waiting for me to react. When I do not, he turns back to Han and gives him a black look.

“Watch your mouth, Rebel Scum!” he says. “Just because you have information, don’t give you the right to ...”

“That will do, Lieutenant,” I cut in. “Just find a place for the man to sleep, that’s all I need of you. Can you manage it?” I ask with sarcasm.

“Of course my lord, at once my lord,” he replies enthusiastically. “I will see to it at once! Come with me,” he tells Han, taking his blaster out and pointing it at him. I am alarmed by this and by the look on Han’s face as the officer brandishes his weapon in an attempt to be intimidating. You will not use that weapon, I tell him silently, planting the suggestion in his mind using the Force. You will not let any harm come to this man... As reassurance, I ensure that the blaster is on stun setting only.

I watch as Han is lead away, hoping that I am doing the right thing.

I head for the bridge, preparing to put stage one of my plan into effect. The tension level of the men rises as they see me appear in their midst; each of them sits up a little taller, endeavors to appear a little busier, all carefully avoiding eye contact with me. Kastellan is not present, I notice; probably somewhere licking his wounds…

“Captain…” I begin, realizing I don’t know the man’s name.

“Newmann, sir,” he informs me. “How can I serve you?”

“We are leaving Coruscant,” I tell him. “Recall the troops from the planet surface and relay my orders to the Aggressor and the Lusankya.”

Newmann is stunned for a moment, and does not respond immediately.

“Leaving, my lord??” he asks at last.

“Yes, this blockade is futile,” I tell him. “And a waste of time and man power.”

“Of course, my lord,” he tells me, the uncertainty and confusion clear in him. “Should I summon Admiral Kastellan to the bridge?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

We both turn to see Kastellan standing on the bridge.

“Is there something going on I should know about?” he asks, looking from Newmann back to me. “My lord?” he adds after a moment’s consideration.

“Move the ship out of orbit,” I tell him. “This blockade is over.”

Kastellan’s face betrays his disapproval and indignation. “Oh??” he asks. “May I ask why?”

“You may ask,” I tell him. “If you insist upon questioning my orders…again.” I reply, folding my arms over my chest.

“Well, Lord Vader,” he replies. “I suppose maybe I am. Until yesterday I was in charge of this operation, and so I would like to know why it is being aborted.”

I can feel the eyes of everyone upon me, as the tension level shoots up another level. They are expecting me to react like Vader …they are expecting me to kill this man…and if I don’t react the way they expect me to, then the charade is over...

I walk over to Kastellan, my mind racing as I formulate an appropriate response.

“First of all,” I tell him, “whoever thought this blockade was an effective plan is an imbecile,” I tell him, still approaching him, using my large, menacing presence to intimidate him. It seems to be working, for he takes a step back as I show no sign of stopping.

“Secondly, I am in command of this ship and every ship in the fleet, Admiral,” I continue. I am now chest to chin with the man, forcing him to look up at me. He is trying to maintain his appearance of calm, but I can see that he is starting to crack.

“And finally,” I add, grabbing him by the front of his tunic and lifting him off of the ground using the Force, “no one questions my orders…am I making myself clear?”

“Perfectly,” he replies, his eyes bulging with fear.

I bring my face closer to his, seeing the terror in his eyes as he stares into the grotesque black mask. “The only reason you are not dead right now, admiral is that I need you for the time being. But should you ever question my authority again, you will pay for it with your life. Make no mistake about that.”

Kastellan swallows hard, and I release him, tossing him against the bulkhead as easily as I would toss a child’s doll. I am sickened by the incident; hate myself for resorting to violence, but the man left me no choice. I must maintain the appearance of Vader, and Darth Vader brooks no dissention among his underlings. Hopefully I have made an example of Kastellan, and will not have to repeat this ugliness again.

“Move the ship out of orbit,” Kastellan orders, his voice somewhat shaken. “And hail the other two ships. Immediately!”

“Yes sir!” replies Newmann as he rushes to comply.

Kastellan turns back to me. “Heading, sir?” he asks.

“Locate the rest of the fleet and arrange a rendezvous, Admiral,” I tell him. “We are ineffective when scattered around the galaxy. We must band together if we are to accomplish anything.”

“Of course, my lord,” replies Kastellan. “I…I suppose I never thought of that.”

“Obviously not,” I reply. “I am retiring. First thing I am taking Solo on a little voyage. He claims to know the location of the bulk of the Rebel fleet; we shall see.”

Kastellan nods. “I wish you a good night, Lord Vader,” he replies. “I will inform you when I have located other members of the fleet.”

“Be sure that you do,” I tell him. I leave the bridge, confident that I have reestablished myself as the head of the fleet.

I head for my quarters, feeling tired, physically and emotionally. Making sure the door is secure; I remove the black mask and armor, only too happy to get it off my body. Next I peel the leather suit from my skin, feeling free at last. I head to the ‘fresher and turn on the water. I step into the shower stall, letting the hot water cascade over my tired muscles. Closing my eyes, I lean my hands against the ceramic wall and let the water stream down my back, feeling the muscles relax under the pulsating stream.

As I lie awake in the unfamiliar room, I think of all that has transpired over the past 24 hours. It is overwhelming; too much, too many changes all at once, and I find myself feeling anxious about the huge decisions that are now resting upon my shoulders. Yet with those decisions comes the power to save the galaxy from the conflict that it has been rife with for decades, the power to heal the wounds that my life of darkness inflicted upon the galaxy.

Lastly I think of my wife, and wonder if she too is lying awake thinking of me. What will she think of this new development? She once rejected my offer to rule the galaxy together, will she be repulsed by this and turn away from me again? But this time is different, this time I have no desire to rule, only to heal...only to fix what I destroyed. Surely she will understand that. I close my eyes and her face comes to my mind. I recall fondly the kiss she gave me just before I left for Coruscant, and smile in the dark room. I love you my angel…I will see you very soon, I promise….sleep well beloved… I roll onto my side and surrender to the fatigue that has filled me, falling into a deep sleep.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 40

I rise early, anxious to be off, anxious to see my family. I collect Han from his accommodations, and he seems as anxious as me to leave. Having made arrangements for our departure the previous evening, we are soon under way.

I am pleased to see that my orders have been followed, and we are no longer in the Coruscant System. Judging by the stars we are not far, however; no doubt Kastellan and his comrades on the other two destroyers are still trying to determine the best place to meet up with the rest of the remaining fleet. Good luck with that, I think, only too anxious to leave the onerous task to them. I have more important matters to attend to.

“So where is Chewbacca?” I ask Han as we leave the hangar bay of the Intimidator.

“I dropped him off on Kashyyk after I left Hannas II,” he explains. “He hadn’t seen his family in a while, and wanted to visit them.”

“He’s probably worried that he hasn’t heard from you,” I observe. “He’s very loyal to you.”

Han nods. “Yeah, he is,” he agrees. “You know what Leia called him the first time she saw him?” he asks with a grin.

“What did she call him?” I ask.

“A walking carpet,” Han replies with a grin. “Man, that first time I met her I wasn’t sure if I liked her or wanted to kill her. She sure has a way of infuriating a person.”

I laugh. “Yes, I’ve noticed that about her,” I reply. “I have to take responsibility for that particular personality trait. I’ve been known to infuriate a person or two in my time.”

It is Han’s turn to laugh this time. “Yeah, I can imagine. So how did it go? You obviously got them to lift the blockade; did you have to throw your weight around to make it happen?”

I shrug. “Well, maybe just a little,” I tell him. “But I think things are under control now.”

“I hope so,” Han replies. “After getting into that get up again, I’d hate to think it was all for nothing.”

“Yeah, me too,” I mutter. “Speaking of which,” I remove the helmet and set it on the floor of the shuttle and then reach behind me to remove the mask.

“That’s better,” I say, running my hands through my hair.

“Leia told me that you could have had surgery years ago and that you didn’t need to live in that suit all that time,” Hans says. “Is that true?”

“I think so, yes,” I reply. “The medical technology that saved my life after the death of the Emperor is much like the technology that creates clones, and that has existed for more than 20 years.”

“So Palpatine just wanted to keep you like that? Half machine?”

I nod. “Yes, that’s probably exactly it,” I concur. “I guess it made me more intimidating.”

“No kidding,” he mutters. “You’d think he’d have just cloned you, if the technology existed. I mean, they were cranking out clones by then, right?”

“Yes, that was when it all started,” I reply. “The Clone Wars started 2 years before I became Darth Vader.”

“Too bad those things don’t have an off switch,” he observes dryly.

I smile. “Yeah…”

“So where to, my Lord?” Han asks, checking the navi-computer.

“When I left them, they were still in the Modelle sector,” I reply. “Perhaps we should try to raise them to make sure they’re still there. I know Leia is quite anxious to hear from you,” I add with a smile.

Han nods, smiling back. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He activates the comm., and enters the code which I recognize as being that of my daughter’s personal comlink. “Solo to her royal highnessness,” he begins, and I laugh at his impudence “Come in your highnessness.”

“Han!!”

“Guess she heard me,” he says to me with a grin.

“I guess so,” I concur.

“Han are you alright? Where are you? Is my father there? Is he alright?”

“Whoa, slow down sweetheart! We’re both here, we’re both fine, and we’re on our way to see you. Send us your coordinates.”

“You’re coming here?” she asks the surprise and delight evident in her voice. “How did you get off of Coruscant?”

“Your dad,” replies Han. “Handy guy to have around.”

I hear Leia’s laughter through the comm., and I smile at the sound of it.

“Are you there, Dad?”

“Yes, Leia,” I reply. “I’m here. It’s good to here your voice.”

“Yours too. We’ve all been so worried about you! Thank you, Dad…thank you for finding Han.”

I smile. “I promised you I would, didn’t I?” I ask her. “I’d never promise my little girl something I couldn’t do.”

“I know, but thank you anyway. I’m transmitting the coordinates right now.”

“Got ‘em,” replies Han. “We’ll be there in….26 hours by my reckoning.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” Leia replies. “Both of you.”

“We’ll see you soon, sweetheart,” Han replies. “Solo out.”

He enters the coordinates into the navi computer and looks over at me. “All set?”

I check the hyper drive read out. “All set,” I reply. “Here we go.”


I can feel the tension in my body drain away as we draw closer to the Rebel fleet. It is as though the very proximity to the Imperial influence is hazardous, like the poisonous fumes of Mustafar. Leaving the Imperial fleet is like breathing fresh clean air after suffocating in filth and pestilence.

Leia has obviously alerted the fleet to our approach, for we encounter no resistance despite the fact that we are arriving in an Imperial vessel. The hangar door opens to receive us as our ship is detected, and Han skillfully directs the vessel into the waiting bay.

“Well done,” I tell him as I stand up.

“It was nothing,” he replies, standing as well. “Could do it in my sleep.”

I smile. “I know what you mean.”

"Something tells me you were a real hot shot pilot in your day, Anakin,” he says as we prepare to disembark.

I lift an eyebrow. “In my day?” I repeat. “What am I, an archaeological artifact?”

Han laughs. “No, of course not. I didn’t’ mean that...”

“I’ll show you a trick or two one of these days, Solo,” I tell him affably.

Han grins. “I think I’d enjoy that.”

As the ramp descends, we see Leia, Luke and Padmé waiting for us. Leia’s face lights up upon seeing her betrothed, and she runs to meet him. They meet in a tight embrace, reminiscent of similar moments I have shared with my own beloved. Luke comes over to greet Han as well, and the two friends embrace warmly.

I turn to see Padmé, her serene face radiant with a smile that sends a thrill down to my very toes. I walk over to her, trying to hold back from running, hoping that the feelings I sensed in her mere days ago have not waned in my absence.

“Hello Padmé,” I say with a smile. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, Ani,” she replies. “We’ve all been so concerned.”

Our brief moment alone is interrupted by our children, who both come at me with enormous hugs.

“I’ve only been gone two days,” I tease them.

“It seems longer knowing where you were,” Luke replies. “It’s good to have you back with us, Dad.”

I smile at my son. “Thanks, Luke. It’s good to be back.”

The five of us leave the hangar, my children bombarding Han with questions, Padmé walking along beside me. I tentatively reach down for her hand, and am delighted to feel her grasp in mine.

"There’s so much I need to tell you,” I say to her. “Things are certainly more complicated than I had believed.”

She nods in understanding. “What of the blockade? Were you able to do anything about that?”

I nod. “Yes, the blockade has been lifted. Coruscant is free.”

“That’s wonderful, Ani!” she replies, looking up at me with a smile.

My heart fills at the sight of it, the look in her eyes, and the warm emotions I feel from her. For a moment our eyes lock, the feelings that I had believed were extinguished long ago starting to smolder up between us. I know that she feels it too, for her cheeks redden slightly, and she looks away.

“You must be anxious to get out of that awful suit,” she says. “It must be terrible having to wear it again. How did you manage to convince them that you are Vader?”

I shrug. “Well, I wasn’t there that long,” I remind her. “Although I did have some rather intense moments in my short time there.”

“Intense?” she asks. “What exactly does that mean?”

“Let’s just say that my acting abilities have already been put to the test,” I tell her.

“Oh Ani, I do not like the sound of that,” she replies, a crease forming on her brow.

“Relax,” I assure her, bringing her hand to my mouth and planting a quick kiss on it. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Padmé sighs. “How many times have I heard that before?”

I laugh. “Quite a few I’d wager. What has been happening here?”

“Not a lot,” she tells me. “We’ve all been waiting to hear from you, Anakin, to learn what you have found out.”

“Well I will fill you all in once I get out of this damnable suit,” I tell her. “The thought of a nice hot shower is very appealing right now as well.”

She smiles. “Yes, I’m sure. You can use the ‘fresher in my quarters, I’ll show you the way.”


Arranging to meet up with the others shortly, I walk away with Padmé towards the crew quarters.

“Lando arranged some nicer quarters,” she tells me. “It’s not exactly luxurious, but it’s nice to have a little more privacy.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” I agree.

We reach her quarters, and enter the small room. There is a small bed, a table and chair, with an adjoining ‘fresher.

“They must know you were once a queen, otherwise they’d not be spoiling you with such luxury,” I tease her.

Padmé laughs. “Yes, I feel like I’m back in the palace on Naboo.” She stops, and I see a look of sadness pass through her eyes.

“You miss Naboo, don’t you?” I ask her softly.

She looks up at me and nods. “Yes, I’d love to go back there some day. I’d love to see my family there…it’s been so long.”

I take her hand and smile at her. “You will, Padmé, we will go there together. Once all this is behind us, we will have a whole life time to spend there if you wish.”

“I would like that very much,” she replies with a smile. “I only hope that this masquerade doesn’t have to go on for too long. Every day you have to wear that suit, every moment you are pretending to be that monster…” she stops as the emotions fill her.

I take her by the shoulders. “Padmé, it will not last much longer, I promise you. I have learned something that will enable me to end the civil conflict sooner than I had ever imagined. It’s just that…I’m not sure I can do it,” I tell her as I walk over to the small chair. I sit down heavily on it, the weight of the armor as oppressive as the pressures that I feel.

Padmé walks over to me, a look of concern on her face. “What do you mean, Ani?” she asks. “What did you learn?”

I look up at her as I unclasp the heavy chain holding the cape in place. “I found Palpatine’s last will and testament,” I tell her.

She moves to help me with the shoulder armor. “Oh?” she asks. “How did you come across that??”

“I went to his apartment on Coruscant,” I tell her. “It was hidden there; no one had thought to look for it I guess.”

“And? What did it say?” she asks as she helps me lift the armor away from my shoulders.

“He named me as his heir and successor, Padmé,” I tell her. “Me.”

She frowns. “You? Or Darth Vader?”

“Well, Darth Vader of course,” I reply. “Can you believe it??”

“Yes, I can believe it,” she says quietly. “Who else would he name? You were all the man had in the galaxy, as ironic as that is to say.”

I nod as I proceed to remove the heavy gauntlets and gloves. “I suppose so,” I reflect. “But what am I supposed to do? On the one hand, if I accept this, it will put me in a position to end the war, to put a stop to the conflict that has plagued the galaxy for over 20 years now.”

“But?” she asks, helping me remove the second glove.

“But what if that much power is too much?” I continue, looking up at her, searching in her eyes for the answers I need. “What if I’m not strong enough to resist the temptation of that much power, Padmé? What if it destroys me all over again?”

Padmé as silent as she takes the gloves from me and places them on the table. “That is something only you can answer, Anakin,” she replies at last. “You must search within yourself for the answers, for only you know what you are capable of, only you know how much you can withstand.”

I reach to her and turn her around to face me. “Help me, Padmé,” I implore her softly. “Help me make the right decision! I’m so afraid of making the wrong one; I would rather go through the fires of Mustafar all over again before I did anything to hurt you or our children again!”

Padmé’s eyes moisten at my words, and she places a hand on my face. “You won’t hurt us, Anakin,” she tells me with a soft smile. “I know that now. You are not the same man you were 22 years ago, not subject to the same temptations, the same weaknesses. The trials you have suffered because of your fall have taught you well, and I sincerely doubt you will fall victim to the darkness again.”

“If only I could be sure,” I tell her, looking down. “If only I knew that I could do this without compromising who I am, I would do it in a heartbeat. Think of it, Padmé; I could call a truce, dismantle the imperial fleet, put our children and their allies in positions of power, put an end to the exploitation and misery of the thousands of worlds who are still under the thumb of the Empire…and then, once it was all accomplished, relinquish the power, make the office of emperor obsolete forever.”

Padmé smiles. “That sounds wonderful,” she says. “Like a dream come true. But you and I both know that dreams seldom turn out the way we expect them too.”

I sigh, and run my hand over my face in a gesture of frustration. “I know,” I tell her softly. “So what an I to do, then?”

Padmé runs her hands lightly through my hair. “Sleep on it,” she suggests. “Talk to the children about it, talk to the rebel leaders; don’t shoulder this alone, Ani. You know how many people you have supporting and loving you, lean on us for help.”

I look up at her. “You always did know what to do in a crisis, didn’t you?” I tell her with a smile.

She smiles softly. “Well, I was a queen you know,” she reminds me. “And a senator. We are trained to deal with crises.”

"And you were married to a stubborn, pig-headed Jedi as well,” I tease her with a smile. “That was more challenging than all your political duties put together.”

She laughs. “Well, not all of the time, Ani,” she replies, looking down at me. “There were many wonderful times too.”

“Yes, there were,” I tell her, meeting her gaze. Hesitantly I reach my hands up and encircle them on her slender waist. Silently I draw them along the sides of her body, following the curves of her hips and then back up again, my eyes traveling with them, drinking in the sensual beauty of her. When I look back up into her eyes, I see there that my touch is affecting her as much as hers affects me. I pull her closer, desperate to touch her, and feel her hands slide around behind my neck as I draw her into my lap. Our faces mere centimeters apart now, I bring my mouth down to hers, softly, gently, with a feather soft kiss. She closes her eyes as our lips meet, and then opens them as I pull back from her.

“Ani?” she asks. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” I tell her. “I just don’t want to push you. I understand that you…”

She stops me with a finger over my lips. “You aren’t pushing me, Anakin,” she tells me softly. “I promise you.” She wraps her arms around my neck again and pulls me back to her. When our lips meet this time, there is no hesitation, no holding back. I feel my own passion reflected in hers, and for the moment, the past is erased, and we are merely a man and a woman deeply in love. As Padmé’s fingers curl around my hair, I let my own hands roam up and down her back, as the intensity of our kiss increases. My mouth leaves hers and I bring it to her ear. “I need you Padmé,” I whisper, followed by a kiss on her earlobe. I hear her sigh as my lips travel down the side of her neck, grazing her soft skin, the scent of her driving me wild with wanting her.

Suddenly the door chime is heard. Padmé pulls back, a look of alarm in her eyes. I look up at her, frustrated by the interruption.

“Guess we’d better see who it is,” she says, getting off my lap. She walks over to the door as I gather my senses, trying to slow my racing heart.

“Hi there, Padmé,” I hear Lando Calrissian’s voice. “Is Anakin here?”

“Yes, he is,” she says. “Did you need to see him?”

“I just wanted to let him know that we’ve heard from Mon Mothma. She and Admiral Ackbar will be here in a few hours.”

“Thank you, Lando,” I hear her say. The door slides closed again. Padmé returns to me, a smile on her face.

“That was ill timed,” she says wryly.

I laugh. “You could say,” I reply. We stand and look at one another for a moment, the embers still smoldering. Yet we both realize that this isn’t the time…as much as we both need and want one another, this will have to wait for later.

“Well, I should get out of this,” I say, looking down at the leather suit.

“Alright,” she says. “I’ll let you get cleaned up.”

I nod, wishing ardently that our magical moment had not been cut short.

She rises on her tip toes to give me a soft kiss on my mouth. “We’ll finish this later,” she tells me softly. I smile at her, and then watch her leave. With a sigh of disappointment I head for the ‘fresher, where I know the shower I enjoy will be somewhat colder than I had originally planned.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 41

The shower feels good, and it helps to cool the flames of passion that have inflamed me. Damn that Calrissian… I think to myself as I towel off. I never have liked that man…

I find my family in the mess and realize how hungry I am all of a sudden.

“Well that’s a definite improvement,” declares Leia when she sees me.

I smile as I take a seat beside my son. “Yes, I heartily agree.”

“Mother told us about Palpatine’s will, Dad,” Leia tells me. “What are you going to do?”

I look across the table at him. “I don’t know yet,” I tell her. “It’s a big decision, too big for me to make on my own.” I look at each of them. “I was hoping we could talk it over among ourselves and come to a decision together, as a family.”

“We are happy to talk about it with you, Dad,” Luke replies. “But ultimately the decision is yours.”

“I know that Luke,” I tell him. “But I would appreciate your input on it. This is a huge step, not something I want to contend with on my own.”

“Nor should you,” Padmé says. “As I told you before, Ani, you can lean on us if you need to. We are your family, after all. That’s what families are for.”

I smile at her. “And I am a lucky man to have such a family,” I tell her.

“Why don’t we just enjoy our meal and discuss this when Mon Mothma arrives?” suggests Leia. “We won’t have a long time to spend together, just the five of us,” she adds, turning and smiling at Han. “Let’s just enjoy our time together while we have it.”

“Good idea, Leia,” I tell her. “I’ll have to return to the fleet before I begin to raise suspicions. Who knows how long it will be before we get to be together like this again?”

Padmé nods, a look of sadness appearing in her eyes. “All too true,” she replies softly.

I reach over and take her hand. “Don’t despair, Padmé. This will all be over soon, I promise.”

She looks up at me and smiles. “I hope so, Ani.”


Mon Mothma and Admiral Ackbar arrive within a few hours. We meet them in a conference room, the tension level high among us all.

“We want to thank you for your part in ending the siege, Anakin,” Mon Mothma begins.

“Yes,” Ackbar puts in. “You’ve proven yourself once again, Skywalker.”

“That was the easy part,” I tell them both. “What lies ahead will be far more challenging.”

Mon Mothma nods. “Yes, no doubt of that. We need to discuss what your plan is, what you need from us. We are prepared to do anything we can to help you.”

“Thank you,” I tell her, not wishing to say what I am truly thinking. I don’t even know what I am doing...how can I tell you what you can do to help?? “For now my main concern is maintaining the charade,” I tell them. “Wearing the suit is only part of it. There are certain expectations that people have of Darth Vader, and some of them are rather difficult to bluff my way through.”

“What expectations are you talking about, Dad?” asks Luke.

“Simple things,” I reply. “Like eating, showering, sleeping…all the things that normal people think nothing of. For Darth Vader, those things were incredibly difficult, and performed using highly sterile, technical means. I slept in a hyperbaric chamber of nearly pure oxygen, for that was the only environment where I could remove my helmet and mask safely for any extended period of time. Eating was done primarily though intravenous, or high-potency capsules; I could go on and on, but I think you all understand what I’m getting at. How do I maintain the illusion of being Vader when I no longer need these specialized systems? And the suit; I had several of them. You can imagine how unpleasant a suit like that gets if it is lived in day in and day out.”

“I hadn’t thought of any of that,” Luke says. “I guess we all assumed that Darth Vader didn’t eat, sleep, shower or even need to do any of those things.”

I smile. “Well Luke, despite the outward appearance, there was a human being under all of that machinery.”

“So how do we solve this problem then?” Padmé says. “We can’t give the Imperials the slightest reason to suspect any duplicity on Anakin’s part.”

Kenda is present at this briefing, and appears thoughtful. “Well, the private aspects of your life will be easier to hide,” she says. “I mean, even if you have a hyperbaric chamber installed in your quarters, there’s no one there to know you aren’t in it at night, no one to see who is under the mask.”

“Yes, that is true,” I reply. “No one would dare enter my quarters unannounced or uninvited. But what about the suit? It wouldn’t be long before everyone knew that it was…well worn.”

“We must start work on reproducing it at once,” Mon Mothma declares. “It shouldn’t be too hard to replicate, it’s a simple leather body suit, isn’t it?”

I nod. “Yes, in two pieces.”

“You’ll need to bring it to us, Ani,” Kenda tells me. I am surprised by her use of the nickname that only my wife uses. And so is Padmé… “So we can study it and start producing them.”

I nod. “How long do you estimate that will take?” I ask her. “I can’t be away from the fleet for too long before questions are asked about my whereabouts.”

“Yes, we have to remember that,” Leia says. “The longer he is away, the more difficult his absence will be to explain.”

“Agreed,” Ackbar speaks up. “How did you explain leaving in the first place?” he asks me.

"I told them that Han was a traitor to the rebellion and he was going to lead me to the rebel fleet,” I tell him.

“And they believed that?” Luke asks.

“They seemed to,” I reply, as doubt starts to creep into my mind at his question. “I reminded them of Han’s….colourful past as a mercenary.”

“Yeah, left nothing to the imagination, either,” mutters Han.

“Well let’s hope they bought that,” Leia says. “But if you are away longer than what they deem appropriate, you will need another excuse.”

“Perhaps you could say you were seeing to the particulars of your personal requirements,” suggests Padmé. “I’m assuming the equipment you required was destroyed with the star destroyer you were living on, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, the Executor was annihilated in the battle over the Endor moon,” I tell her. “That’s a brilliant idea, Padmé,” I tell her with a smile. “And that would also explain why I am returning with the extra clothing.”

She smiles, pleased that her suggestion has been so helpful.

“I assume that the Imperial technicians can replace the chamber and any other specialized equipment for you,” Kenda says. “Perhaps you ought to make contact with them to make Padmé’s suggestion more believable.”

“Good idea,” I tell her. I nod, pleased with the progress we have made in such short order. Now onto a more difficult topic.

“Now, about the will,” Ackbar begins, almost as though he can read my mind. “Have you given any thought to it, Anakin?”

“Yes, there has been very little else on my mind, actually,” I tell him. “And I’m still not sure how to deal with it. I was hoping to get the input of all of you.”

Mon Mothma and Ackbar exchange a look.

“The way I see it,” Mon Mothma begins, “there is nothing to discuss, Anakin. If we want to end the conflict and put a stop to the Imperial atrocities in the galaxy, the only way to do it is from within.”

“Agreed,” I say. “But I am already within as Darth Vader. Surely that…”

“As galactic emperor,” she interjects, “you would have ultimate power, Anakin. It would be so much easier for you to control the fate of the galaxy as its emperor. Surely you can see that.”

I frown, not liking the patronizing tone I detect in her voice. “Of course I see that!” I retort. “I’d be a fool not to. What you fail to see, Commander, is the how dangerous that much power is. As one who has fallen under the seductive lure of the Dark Side, I can tell you that wielding that much power can change a person.”

Mon Mothma frowns. “You have assured us all that you have renounced the Dark Side, Anakin,” she reminds me. “What are you saying? That you can’t be trusted now?”

“I would trust my father with my very life!” replies Leia hotly. “His trustworthiness is beyond question.”

“So what is the problem then?” Ackbar asks, looking from Leia back to me. “We trust you, Anakin; why can’t you trust yourself?”

Yes, that is the crux of it all, isn’t it? I reflect.

“I don’t know why,” I tell him, looking down at my hands folded on the table top. “I suppose the guilt I still carry and will probably always carry is part of the reason. History is a harsh master, and my history is …well, I don’t need to tell anyone what my history is. Everyone in this room has been scarred by my mistakes, by my fall.”

“We know how difficult it is for you to face up to your past, Anakin,” Padmé says softly, reaching over and putting her hand over mine. “None of us here will deny that. But it is the past, Ani, the past. You have proven time and time again that you are no longer the man who succumbed to the temptation of the Dark power that Palpatine offered you. You are stronger now; wiser, humbler…you can do this. Everyone here believes in you.”

I look at my wife, grateful beyond measure for her love and support. The fact that she believes in me is precious to me, for her support more than anyone’s has the power to encourage and empower me.

“Ultimately it’s up to you, Father,” Luke says at last. “We have total faith in you. But you have to have faith in yourself, and no one can give that to you. That has to come from within.”

My son is the same age that I was when I became Darth Vader, I realize; yet he is so wise, so full of humility and goodness...he is a true Jedi...

I look around the table at each one of my family, seeing in their eyes the depth of their belief in me. Surely if they think I can do it, than I can do it. I have to do it, for them, for the galaxy…

“Okay,” I say at last. “I’ll do it.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 42


The rebel command ship has become a veritable beehive of activity in the past 24 hours since Han and I arrived here. Immediately upon dissolving the meeting with the Rebel leader, I contacted the Imperial engineering corps, ordering them to construct a new hyperbolic chamber to be installed on the Intimidator. It is, of course, extraneous to me now; but vital in order to maintain the charade that I have taken such pains to create.

On board the rebel ship where my family and I are residing temporarily, technicians and scientists are working diligently to reproduce the leather breath suit. Though the technological features that enabled me to live are no longer necessary, the outward appearance of the suit must be exactly like the old one, including the sound of the breathing apparatus, and the timbre of my voice as recreated by the vocabulator. Kenda did a fine job of seeing to that when I was here last, and so all that needs to be done at this point is a bit of fine tuning. The biggest challenge seems to be to replicate the material used to make the suit; the resources available to the Rebel Alliance are not quite as abundant or as diverse as those employed by the Empire. Yet, despite these obstacles, the technical staff has managed to recreate the infamous black suit, but not before every square centimeter of my body has been measured repeatedly to ensure that the fit is perfect. It is a tedious and rather embarrassing procedure, standing in my shorts while ‘droids take measurements, their manner and brusqueness not exactly comforting nor reassuring to me in my somewhat vulnerable state.

Wistfully I realize that it is highly unlikely Padmé and I will have a moment alone together to continue what was so rudely interrupted by Calrissian the previous day. Or was it two days ago? It seems that when I am awake, she is asleep, and when I am able to grab a few hours of sleep, she is kept busy with assignments of her own. My time is so crammed full that I barely know what day it is, day blending into night in one continuous frenzy of non-stop activity. I appreciate the help of the Alliance however; for without them this charade would not be possible. They have invested a lot of time, effort and trust in me; I am determined not to let them down.

“You look tired,” observes Luke as he and I sit down to eat a quick meal late in the day. Leia and Padmé have already retired for the night, and I am not long behind.

“I am,” I tell him. “I’ve been going almost non-stop for 48 hours now. I think I’m going to fall asleep before I finish this meal.”

Luke smiles. “Well if you do a face plant in your soup, I’ll make sure you don’t drown.”

I laugh. “Thanks. I think things are just about ready now. Probably another day or so and we’ll be all set.”

Luke nods. “Yeah, I think so. I have to tell you, Dad, I still feel pretty uneasy about all this.”

“I know you do, son,” I tell him. “But in the end it will all be worth it. I’m not looking forward to going back to the Imperial fleet, believe me; but if it means that we can put and end to all this fighting and oppression, then I will do it gladly. Besides, once I am emperor I can make changes that will bring about peace quickly.”

“That sounds so weird,” Luke observes. “‘Once I am emperor’…I still haven’t got used to that yet.”

I smile. “No, nor me. Quite an unlikely fate for a slave boy from Tatooine.”

“You have lived quite a remarkable life, haven’t you?” he observes. “And you’re not even 45 years old.”

I nod. “Yes, though much of it I would like to forget about.” I frown as I think that half my life has been spent in Darkness. But this boy saved you… I look up at my son. “Have I thanked you recently Luke?”

He looks surprised. “Thanked me? For what?”

“For saving me,” I tell him. “If it weren’t for you, Luke, I would have spent the rest of my life in Darkness; I never would have known the love of my family or have been reunited with your mother. I don’t think the words exist that can adequately express my gratitude.”

Luke smiles. “We’re family, Dad. There’s no need to thank me for doing what any son would do.”

“No, not any son,” I tell him. “You risked so much to reach me when it seemed like I was unreachable. You never gave up on me, even when it meant jeopardizing your own life. You are a remarkable young man, Luke; don’t ever forget that.”

“I’m my father’s son,” he replies, his eyes reflecting the unwavering love he bears me. “The son of the Chosen One; I suppose that means something.”

I smile. “The son of a truly remarkable woman as well,” I remind him. “As much as I’d like to take credit for who you’ve become, I have to admit that I see far more of your mother in you than me.”

My son smiles back at me. “Well, I think I’m a mix of both of you. Just as Leia is. Though I think her stubbornness is definitely a Skywalker trait.”

I laugh. “Yes, no doubt of that.” A wave of fatigue suddenly washes over me and I rub my eyes tiredly.

“Go to bed,” Luke orders. “Before you do end up face first in your soup.”

I smile. “Yes, I suppose maybe I will. What about you?”

“I have a few things to attend to, and then I’m going too,” he replies.

I nod. “Okay then.” I stand up. “Good night Luke.”

“Goodnight Dad,” he replies. “Sleep well.”

I make my way to the quarters that Padmé and I have been sharing. Like ships passing in the night, I reflect, realizing that we have yet to actually spend more than a few minutes in there together in more than a day. But she’s there now, I realize with a smile. Yes and fast asleep or about to go off to do something…don’t get your hopes up Skywalker.

I enter the darkened quarters. I stop, and listen for a moment. Still asleep… I smile. Quietly I disrobe, leaving only my shorts on. I slip into the bed, trying to be as quiet as I can. I feel Padmé shift slightly in her sleep, but she does not wake up. It has been so long since I shared a bed with my wife, so long since I have felt her warm body next to mine. I turn onto my side, Padmé’s back to me, and wrap an arm around her sleeping form. She snuggles into my embrace, as though we have spent the last 22 years sleeping together this way. Her hair is spread out on the pillow behind her; I can feel it tickling my face. Its scent heralds waves of precious memories of our all too brief time together before my fall. I close my eyes and bury my face in her luxurious tresses, the silky texture of it caressing my face. How did I exist without her? You didn’t. Anakin Skywalker died the moment he believed she was dead…

I can feel her move under my arm, and hold my breath for a moment as she stirs in her sleep. Is she waking up? Does she know I’m here?

“Ani?” she says into the dark.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” I ask, pulling my arm back.

She turns to face me. “No,” she tells me. “What time is it?”

“I’m not sure,” I tell her. I activate the light beside the bed and look at my wrist chrono. “It’s not quite 10...do you have to leave?” I ask her, the disappointment evident in my voice.

“No,” she tells me.

I smile and reach out to her. “I’m happy to hear it,” I say, running my hand down from her shoulder onto her arms. “I’ve missed you. It’s been so frustrating knowing you’re close by but not being able to spend any time with you.”

She smiles back at me and reaches out to touch my face. “But I’m here now,” she replies softly.

I nod. “Yes, so you are.” I pull her into my arms, feeling her wrap her arms around my neck. “And this time, the door go unanswered,” I tell her as I nibble on her earlobe. “No matter whom it is. Deal?”

Padmé giggles. “Deal,” she replies. She closes her eyes and sighs as I plant a slow line of kisses along her neck, my hands slowly pulling her nightdress upward.

“Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed of doing this?” I ask her softly.

She smiles. “It has been a long time,” she replies.

I nod. “Too long,” I tell her, and then bring my mouth to hers.


“You know I’ve been thinking Ani,” Padmé tells me as we lie in one another’s arms.

“Not recently I hope,” I tease her, kissing the top of her head.

She laughs. “No, silly, of course not,” she replies, running a fingers lazily over my chest. “I have an idea. I’m not sure how you’ll like it, though.”

“Tell me,” I say.

She turns her head and looks up at me. “I want to go with you when you leave, Ani,” she says.

I lift my eyebrows in surprise. “You what?”

“You heard me, Anakin,” she replies.

“But how, Padmé?” I ask her. “I’m not going back as Anakin Skywalker,” I remind her. “But as Darth Vader. How could I possibly explain your presence?”

“I am your wife,” she replies calmly. “I don’t think it’s a secret that Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker, even among the Imperials. Besides, you are going to be the emperor; you can do whatever you like.”

I frown, not liking the idea of Padmé being among the ranks of the Empire. Still, the thought of having her close is very appealing…but how could I justify it without compromising the integrity of my plans?

“I don’t know, Padmé,” I tell her. “It’s too risky. What if someone questions where you’ve been all these years? How do I justify suddenly having a wife when I was alone for so long? Why would a woman even want to be with Darth Vader? These are all questions that must be addressed. I’m bound to have a degree of opposition when I announce my ascendance to the throne; I can’t give my detractors even the smallest amount of reason to doubt me.”

Padmé sighs in frustration. “Yes, I know that,” she replies softly. She is silent and I can tell by the expression on her face that she is deep in thought. She’s not giving up on this...

“You could explain that the late emperor did not allow you to live with me,” she begins. “That is the reason we’ve been apart. Or you could tell the truth, that you’ve believed me to be dead all those years. Do you really expect that anyone will dare to question you? Have they ever before?”

“Well, not really,” I admit. “But there is one officer who has displayed some animosity towards me since I returned. He might be a source of trouble.”
Padmé frowns and I sense her disappointment, her frustration.

“I’m sorry, love,” I tell her, running a finger down her face. “It would be wonderful having you with me, but I really don’t see how I can justify your presence without raising too many questions.”

“I just felt that if I were with you it would be easier for you,” she tells me softly. “I hate the thought of you going through this alone, Anakin. I thought that if we were together than your fears about being tempted by the power of the emperor would be allayed.”

Yes, they would be…with Padmé close by I would have no reason to fear the temptations of power. But how can I make this work?

“It would mean so much to have you with me, Padmé,” I tell her. “You know that. I’m just not sure we could explain it in a reasonable manner.”

“Since when does Darth Vader owe an explanation to anyone but the emperor?” she replies. “You are the emperor now, Ani, or at least you will be very soon.”

I listen to her, sensing that there is more to it than she is saying.

“What is the real reason, Padmé?” I ask her. “What is really behind this?”

She averts her eyes, fixing her eyes on the hair on my chest that she is stroking absent-mindedly. “Why does there have to be another reason?” She asks. “I want to be with you, it’s as simple as that.”

“I know there is more to it than that, Padmé,” I tell her gently, lifting her chin. “You forget how well I can read you, angel.”

She smiles, and sighs deeply. “Okay, Anakin, okay. I don’t want you to go through this alone. You shouldered so much fear when you thought you were going to lose me all those years ago, and you went through it alone. I know now what that fear cost you, Ani, and I won’t let you go through anything like that alone again. I know how frightened you are by this, justifiably so. I want to be there with you to help you through it, to support you and let you know that you are not alone in this. I…I just don’t want to lose you again, Ani,” she finishes softly, her emotions bubbling up to the surface. “I can’t go through that again!”

I pull her close, stroking her hair as she buries her face against my chest. I can feel her tears upon my skin, and the depth of her fears hits me full force.

“We’ll make it work, Padmé,” I tell her, determined not to make my beloved wife suffer another moment because of me. “I promise you.”

She looks up at me. “Do you mean it, Ani?” she asks hopefully.

I nod, brushing a tear from her face. “Yes,” I tell her. “You shall be my empress, Padmé, and together we will destroy the Empire once and for all.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 43

“You’re doing what???”

My son and daughter are not happy about their mother’s decision to accompany me back to the Intimidator. Understatement here…they are beside themselves.

“Mother, do you have any idea what you are getting into??” Luke asks.

“Yes Luke,” she replies calmly. “I do. Please don’t be angry, don’t be against this.”

“We’re not angry,” Leia puts in. “Just worried. I know that you love our father, that’s obvious to anyone. Luke and I love him too; but those feelings have to be put aside for now. You can’t rush into this dangerous situation simply because you can’t bear to be parted from him.”

Padmé frowns, annoyed with Leia’s inference.

“Leia, this isn’t just a matter of me pining away for your father,” she replies. “Do you think I’m so foolish that I would allow my personal feelings to make a decision of such magnitude?”

“No, I didn’t mean to imply that,” Leia replies immediately. “I’m just concerned that you are letting your feelings cloud your judgment.”

“Leia, your mother has been a politician since she was a child,” I put in gently. “She knows how to separate personal feelings from situations requiring tough decisions. Her part in this ruse is an important one.” I look at my wife who is watching me with grateful anticipation in her eyes. “She is not coming with me merely to keep me company, she will be vital in keeping the rebellion up to date with what is going on. She will be a liaison, feeding the Alliance vital information. I won’t be able to do that once I’m emperor; I will be counting on her to. She has the skills and the experience needed to pull this off, as well as maintain the appearance of being the wife of the emperor.”

“The appearance of?” Luke asks. “She is the emperor’s wife, Dad. What do you mean?”

“I mean that in order for this new twist in our plan to work, your mother will have to pretend to hate her situation,” I tell him. “She must seem to be unwilling to have anything to do with Darth Vader; for if the Imperials suspect that she is there willingly, they will know that I have changed. No woman, even your mother, would willingly live on board a star destroyer with Darth Vader, and the Empire knows this. But if she is there under duress, there because the new emperor is arrogant enough to want to flaunt his beautiful wife to everyone, that is believable.”

Padmé looks disturbed by my explanation, for although this was discussed between us earlier, she is still uneasy at the thought of it. “It has to be this way; otherwise it would not be believable,” I add, as much for her benefit as the twins.

“So let me get this straight,” Han puts in at this point. “You show up with Padmé, tell the Imperial flunkeys that she is your long lost wife who you thought was dead all these years but who was really hiding from you; she pretends to hate you to make it more believable that you are really the bad ass Darth Vader they all know and love. Is that about right?”

“Rather colorfully put,” I remark wryly, “but yes, that’s exactly it. Anyone who knew Padmé Amidala would know that she would never want anything to do with Vader or the Empire. Her seeming revulsion of Vader will make my portrayal of him more believable.”

Luke nods. “I think I understand now,” he says slowly. “But I still don’t like it. Now not only do we have you to worry about, Dad, but Mother too! This is nuts!”

“It may be nuts, but it’s also brilliant,” Han counters. “Step back from the situation for a moment and you’ll see it. You two are looking at this from the perspective of Padmé’s kids; if you try to put that aside, you’ll realize that this plan is very good.”

“How do you expect us to do that exactly?” pipes up Leia. “We are her kids! We love her! How can you expect us not to worry??”

“No one expects that,” Padmé says gently, taking Leia’s hand. “You’re human; it’s natural that you would. But I think Han’s point is well taken. Look at if from the point of view of a member of the Alliance, as a rebel; you have to admit that the plan is rather ingenious.”

Luke and Leia exchange a look, sensing that they have been outnumbered.

“I will not allow anything to happen to your mother,” I tell them. “I promise you that. She will be well protected at all times, even if it seems that we are at odds with one another, we will be working together in this. Try to be supportive of this, children. We both think it will work, and we could use your support.”

“It doesn’t sound like we have much choice in the matter,” Leia replies peevishly. “You two sound like you’ve already made up your minds no matter what we think.”

“Yes, we have,” Padmé tells her. I can sense in my wife her mild annoyance at our daughter’s petulant attitude. “Your father and I have been through many situations more dangerous than this, Leia. We can handle ourselves.”

“Yeah, remember the nexu, Leia?” Han puts in with a grin.

Padmé looks at him in surprise. “You know about that?” she asks him.

Han nods. “Yep. Anakin told us that story. Pretty impressive, Padmé,” he says with a smile. “I have no doubt that you can take care of yourself.”

“You’re right there, Han,” I tell him, smiling at Padmé. I turn back to my children. “I know that the two of you don’t like this idea, but it is going to be fine, I promise you. When we set out to defeat the Empire all of us knew that it wouldn’t be easy, and that it would require some personal sacrifice from all of us. This is where it gets tough; this is where we need you both to be strong so that we can do what we need to do. Can we count on you to stand by us in this? Your support would mean so much to both of us.”

Luke and Leia look at one another once more. “You know we will support you both no matter what,” Luke tells us.

I smile at him. “Thank you son,” I tell him.

Padmé walks over to our children and puts a hand on their faces. “Thank you,” she says softly. “I love you both. Please don’t worry; this will work, and in no time at all we can all be together again without worrying about plots or war, and concentrate on building a life together as a family.”

Luke and Leia nod, and embrace their mother. I hope you’re right, Padmé, I reflect. I hope you’re right…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 44

The dreaded moment of parting is upon my family once again, as Padmé and I have made our final check of the Imperial vessel that will take us back to the Intimidator. I now have several new leather body suits, thanks to the tireless efforts of the Alliance technical experts. Padmé has ordered an entire wardrobe to be sent to the Intimidator, courtesy, of course, of the private credit account of Darth Vader. We are all set, everything is in place. All that needs to be done now is to say goodbye to our children.

“How soon will you be able to make contact with us?” Leia asks her mother anxiously.

“It’s hard to say,” Padmé replies. “It will depend on how soon your father announces that he is the new emperor, and how much opposition this announcement creates.”

Han snorts. “That should be interesting,” he comments.

“No doubt,” I concur. “But I have the legal documentation to validate my claim. I expect that will help.”

“It should,” Leia replies. “But I’m sure you know, Dad that in every rise to power there are many who oppose the new leader. Even if it is completely legal.”

“I know that, Leia,” I tell her. “And am prepared for that. I just hope that I am not forced into resorting to tactics unbecoming of a Jedi.”

Luke nods. “Yes, me too,” he replies, a frown forming on his forehead. “I still don’t like this, Dad. You are putting yourself into a position of such potential danger.”

“And that is why I will be counting on you and your sister to come to my aid if I need you,” I return. “The Alliance has assured me that they are ready to intervene should things go wrong; but they won’t Luke, I promise you. This plan will succeed.” It has to. It’s all we’ve got..

After many warm hugs and hot tears, we depart the hangar bay of the rebel command ship and head away from the fleet. I can feel the knots forming in my stomach as we do so; my own well being is not a consideration at this point, but that of my beloved Padmé.

“According to this readout, the Intimidator is in the Nubia Sector,” Padmé reports after checking the navi-computer. “I’m laying in a course right now.”

“It’s been a long time since you and I had an adventure together,” I say.

She sits down and turns to me. “Yes, it certainly has,” she agrees with a smile. “We’ve had some rather interesting ones though, haven’t we?”

I nod. “You could say so,” I reply. “I will never forget the way you handled yourself in that arena on Geonosis,” I tell her, a smile creeping across my face at the memory. “Obi-Wan and I were so busy arguing that we didn’t even notice you making your way to the top of that pillar.”

Padmé shrugs. “Well, the Jedi were not the only ones who knew something about self-defense,” she replies with a smile. “Those in the political arena need to know something about …aggressive negotiations as well.”

I laugh at her comment. “Ah yes, aggressive negotiations,” I reply. “Quite the euphemism. Let’s just hope we don’t have too many of those in store for us this time.”

She nods. “Yes, let’s hope.” She stops, thoughtful for a moment. “Ani, if you had known that I was alive all those years, would you have come to find me?”

“Of course I would have,” I reply immediately, without a second’s thought. “I’m surprised you even have to ask me that.”

“I guess I don’t…but I can’t help but wonder if Darth Vader would have felt the same way about me as you do. If I had a place in his life, what would it have been?”

I think about this for a moment, trying to remember what it was like to think like him, to feel what he felt. All I remember feeling was despair, loneliness, anger, fear, hatred….would those emotions have existed in my heart had she been there with me? Would Darth Vader even have existed?

“It’s hard to say,” I reply at last. “Darth Vader was, in essence, the absence of love, the absence of anything positive. He existed because of negative emotions, created by them, nurtured by them; it was love that finally destroyed him. So if you had been with him, with me…I don’t know that Vader would have continued to exist in the same manner. The very core of his being would have been compromised by loving you.”

“So how are you going to proceed with this then?” she asks. “How are you going to convince everyone that you are still Darth Vader even though I am with you?”

I smile at her. “Padmé, this was your idea, remember?” I tease her.

“I know that,” she replies, “I’m just asking...”

“It’s okay, I know what you’re getting at,” I reply. “I don’t anticipate fooling anyone will be a problem. So long as everyone believes that Vader’s reasons for having you with him are driven solely by possessiveness and not love, that he thinks of you as a possession more than his wife, then this will work. No one really knows the truth about Darth Vader.”

“And what truth is that?”

I smile at her. “That love of you was at the very core of him,” I tell her. “That he dreamed of you every night after he lost you, and woke up in tears of despair more times than he would ever admit to anyone. That the moment he learned that his son, the son you bore him, was alive, was the beginning of his undoing.”

Padmé is moved by my words. She stands up and moves over to me. I turn in my chair to face her, as she puts her hands around my neck. I pull her close, looking up at her.

“I didn’t know that about him,” she tells me softly.

I smile. “So does that answer your question from earlier? About whether I would have come looking for you if I’d known you was alive?”

She nods. “Yes, it does. If only I had known that…”

“Padmé, there is no point in what if’s…I’ve learned this from experience,” I tell her. “All we can do is put the past behind us and live for the present, for the future. Regrets are too bitter to dwell on. I know, I’ve had a lifetime of them.”

Padmé smiles at me and lightly touches my face. “Yes, you’re right, Ani,” she tells me. “Time to focus on the future.”

“I’m just grateful that you are even willing to consider a future with me after everything,” I admit to her.

“I wasn’t sure I ever could, to tell you the truth,” she replies. “But I know that you’ve changed, Ani. I know in my heart that you are not the same man you were on that terrible day on Mustafar so long ago; otherwise I wouldn’t even consider a future with you. Seeing you with our children, seeing how much you love them and they you, that convinced me in the end. But to tell you the truth, I never stopped loving you, even after everything that happened.”

I take her face into my hands, loving the beautiful woman with all my soul. “How did I ever deserve the love of a woman like you?” I ask her, pulling her close and kissing her tenderly.

From the computer the sound indicating our approaching reversion is heard, interrupting us yet again.

Padmé pulls back and looks over her shoulder. “Looks like we’ve reached the fleet,” she remarks. She then turns back to me. “I guess this will have to wait. Again.”

I laugh. “Yeah, I’m getting used to that,” I reply as she moves back to her seat. “Stand by for sublight.”



Back in the mask now, I wait with Padmé for clearance to enter the hangar bay of the Intimidator. I can sense her apprehension, and reach over and take her hand. She turns to me, her eyes reflecting her uneasiness.

“We can do this,” I tell her. “And no matter how I may act, remember that I love you more than anything in the galaxy.”

She smiles and nods, and then takes a deep breath as we receive the signal from the destroyer.

“Here we go,” she says as I direct the ship up into the waiting bay. We dock, knowing that there will be a group of troopers and at least one officer present to welcome me home. What will their reaction be when Padmé descends the ramp with me?

I walk ahead of my wife, assuming the air and arrogance of the Dark Lord of the Sith. Padmé walks behind, appearing conquered and resentful. I descend the ramp and see Kastellan standing ready to welcome me.

“Welcome back, Lord Vader,” he says with a slight bow. “I trust your mission was successful.”

“Marginally,” I inform him. “Solo turned out to be a fraud, so I killed him.”

Kastellan registers surprise at the coldness of my declaration, but thoughts of the demise of Solo are immediately superseded when he beholds the beautiful woman in my company.

“And who have we here??” he asks, an oily smile spreading across his face. “Another prisoner, Lord Vader? I must say this one is far more striking than…”

“She is no prisoner,” I cut him off; irritated by the way he is looking at Padmé. “She is Lady Vader, my wife.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 45

“Your…your wife, Lord Vader??” stammers Kastellan, not even trying to hide his astonishment.

“Yes, my wife,” I reply, stopping so that Padmé can catch up to me. I turn to her. “You will see to her personal living space, to be adjacent to mine,” I tell him. “See to it that she is provided with anything she needs.”

Padmé gives me a withering look. “Not quite anything,” she remarks. “Luxuries such as freedom aren’t permitted, isn’t that right?”

I grin under the mask at her feistiness. Kastellan looks wide eyed at her, waiting for my response.

“You are free to visit any part of this ship,” I tell her. “If that is not sufficient freedom, then I do apologize, my lady,” I add just the right amount of chilliness to my tone to convince Kastellan of the level of antipathy between us.

Padmé sighs deeply and turns away from me. I look back at Kastellan.

“Are the special accommodations in my quarters ready?” I ask him.

“Yes, my lord,” he replies, not able to keep himself from looking back to Padmé. “The technicians finished this morning.”

“Good. See to it that Lady Vader’s accommodations are ready within the hour.”

“Of course,” he replies, not moving from the spot yet. The annoyance I feel at his open admiration for my wife is genuine. But there is more to his fascination for her, I sense; perhaps by believing that Padmé despises me, he will see in her the potential for an ally. So much the better…I reflect.

“Well?” I bark. “What are you looking at?? See to my orders!”

Kastellan leaves us, and I sense in him surprise and confusion at the bizarre scene he has just witnessed.

Padmé and I walk along in silence, careful of the troops around us.

“You will accompany me to the bridge while you are waiting for your quarters to be arranged,” I tell her. “But keep out of the way,” I add, careful to keep up the ruse.

“Perhaps it would be better if I just stayed in the detention block, with the other prisoners,” she counters tersely. “I’d be well out of the way there.”

“Indeed you would,” I return. But I wouldn’t be able to visit your bed if you were there.. I tell her silently. The sideways glance she gives me tells me that she has received my message, and I grin. This may turn out to be rather interesting…

We reach the bridge and it is only a matter of moments before I sense a ripple of astonished curiosity travel through the men. I owe them no explanation, however; they are subordinates who have no place knowing my business. I am certain, however, that they will learn who she before their shift is over. News travels fast, especially news of this magnitude.

“What is the status of the fleet?” I ask Captain Newmann.

Newmann turns to me and, seeing Padmé, does a double take. He is, however, smart enough not to ask the obvious, and returns his attention to me.

“So far 39 star destroyers have been reached, my lord,” he reports. “We have been working on coordinating a rendezvous, but there are still some commanders who won’t believe you are alive, Lord Vader.”

I nod in understanding. We had heard reports of the fragmentation of the remainders of the fleet; no doubt each of the commanders who had designs on taking over the reigns of control will not be happy to learn that I have returned. And even less so when I declare myself emperor...

“Summon the admirals of the remaining fleet,” I order him. “I want them all aboard this vessel in 48 hours for a meeting. Threaten them with court martial if they do not comply.”

“I will send word immediately, my lord,” he replies. “Is there anything else I can do for you?” he adds, casting a quick glance at Padmé who is doing an excellent job of looking bored.

“My wife is tired,” I tell him, “check on the progress of her quarters.”

To his credit, he does not show the utter shock that I know he is feeling. He reminds me a lot of Firmus Piett; the same quiet efficiency, the same knack for knowing when to keep his mouth shut.

“At once, Lord Vader,” he replies and moves to the comm. station to check on Kastellan’s progress.

I walk over to Padmé. “Do you wish to retire, my lady?” I ask her.

She looks up at me, and I can see that she is tired, but reluctant to leave me.

“If I have somewhere to go,” she replies. “I would appreciate privacy, if that is permissible.”

“Of course,” I reply. “No one will set foot in your quarters without your permission, I promise you that. You will tell me immediately if someone dares to violate your privacy.”

“Does that include you?” she asks pointedly.

“Forgive the interruption, my lord,” I hear Newmann say. I turn to him.
“What is it? “I ask.

“Lady Vader’s quarters are ready, my lord,” he replies.

“Very good,” I respond. “I will show her there at once. Meanwhile, keep trying to contact the remaining admirals. I will return.”

“Of course, my lord,” he replies.

I leave the bridge with Padmé at my side. We walk in silence along the corridor toward the lift, ignoring the looks of bewilderment of the men we pass by along the way.

Once we are in the lift alone, we can finally let our guard down.

“Oh Ani, this is much harder than I thought it would be,” she sighs, pressing up against me.

I stroke her hair, wrapping my arm around her. “I know, angel,” I tell her. “I feel the same way. But you’re doing great so far, Padmé. You’ve left no doubt how you feel about me.”

She looks up at me and smiles. “If they only knew the truth,” she says. “If only they knew how much I adore you, how I can’t wait to be alone with you and get you out of that horrid suit.”

“Lady Vader, what are you saying??” I ask in mock surprise. “You don’t like my charming attire?”

She laughs softly. “Well I don’t,” she replies. “But that isn’t what I was getting at, and I think you know it.”

I put my hands on her shoulders and look down at her, wishing she could see the expression of adoration in my eyes. “Yes, I know what you’re getting at,” I tell her. She smiles up at me and stands on her tip toes to place a kiss on the tip of my metallic nose. The lift stops, and we move away from one another, resuming the pretense of cold detachment. We step off of the lift and make our way down the corridor. Kastellan is standing at the door to my quarters, conferring with a junior officer. He looks up as we approach, his eyes resting briefly on Padmé before forcing himself to look at me.

“I hope everything is to your liking, my lady,” he tells Padmé as we stop in front of him.

“I’m certain that it will suffice,” she replies stiffly.

“You are dismissed,” I tell him. “Return to the bridge and check on Newmann’s progress.”

“May I ask what his orders are, my lord?” he asks carefully.

“I want the admirals here for a meeting,” I tell him. “I’ve ordered him to summon them here.”

“Very good, my lord,” he relies dutifully. “Will you retire as well?”

“I will return to the bridge once I have seen that my wife has what she needs,” I reply. “Wait for me there.”

“Of course,” he returns, bowing slightly.

I turn away from him and proceed into the room with Padmé, the door sliding closed behind us.

“At last!” she sighs when we are alone. “I didn’t think we’d ever be alone.”

I hold up my finger, signaling that she be silent. She looks at me quizzically as I proceed to check the room using both my eyes and the Force for any possible evidence of listening devices. When I am satisfied that the room is clean, I remove my helmet and mask.

“Sorry,” I tell her. “I had to ensure that the room wasn’t bugged. I don’t trust Kastellan. He has questioned me more than once, and I wouldn’t put something like that past him.”

Padmé nods her understanding. “I don’t like the way he looks at me,” she says. “He gives me the creeps.”

“No, I don’t either,” I tell her with a frown. “I will have to keep a close eye on him.”

“Do you really think he’d dare to make trouble?” she asks. “Surely he knows Darth Vader well enough not to try anything so foolhardy.”

“We can only hope,” I reply. I walk over to her. “I worry that somehow word of my arrest on Naboo has reached factions of the Empire,” I tell her, voicing a concern that has been eating at me for days. “Newmann tells me that some of the admirals are ignoring my order to rendezvous here, and I have to wonder if that’s the reason why. If it is, then all this will be for nothing. I can only hope that no one knows.”

“Luke said it wasn’t in the media,” she replies. “Surely it isn’t common knowledge. Are you worried that somehow he knows? Kastellan?”

I frown. “I suppose that is possible, but I think he would have acted on that knowledge by now if he knew.” I sigh, and run my hands through my hair. “I don’t want to talk about him right now,” I say. “I’d rather spend the time we have alone together in a more pleasant manner.”

Padmé lifts her eyebrows. “Oh?” she replies with as smile. “And what would you consider to be a pleasant way to spend our time together?”

I take her by the shoulders and pull her to me. “I can think of a few things,” I tell her. “A little of this,” I say, kissing her neck softly. “A little of that,” I continue, nibbling on her earlobe, “and a little…” I add, whispering a rather suggestive comment into her ear. Her face grows red, and she takes my face in her hands.

“Just a little?” she says, a playful gleam in her eyes.

I laugh. “Okay, a lot of that,” I reply, as I pull her close again and kiss her deeply.

I return to the bridge, the profound dichotomy of my present surroundings causing me to smile under my mask. I wonder how these men would react if they knew that a short time ago their fearsome and seemingly inhuman commander was making passionate love to his wife. The thought of it amuses me, causing my smile to grow.

“I hope Lady Vader was satisfied with her accommodations,” Kastellan says to me as I join him.

“Yes, I’m certain she was very satisfied,” I reply, choking back a chuckle at the double meaning behind my words.

“Any response yet to our message?” I ask.

“We have heard back from all but one of the admirals, sir,” Newmann reports. “Admiral Malz, who is in the Corellian System.”

I fold my arms over my chest, puzzled by this dilemma.

“Does he acknowledge the message? Do we even know that he has received it?” Kastellan asks.

“Why wouldn’t he?” I reply. “Corellia isn’t far enough for subspace distortion. He is clearly ignoring the order.”

“What should we do, Lord Vader?” asks Newmann.

I look at Kastellan. “We shall go to him,” I declare. “That way he cannot claim to be unaware of my order.”

“Excellent plan, my lord,” Newmann responds. “I would be happy to go myself, if that is your wish, sir.”

I nod. “Yes, captain,” I responds. “I do. Bring a dozen troopers with you, well armed. Drag him back here by force if need be, I will not brook any further insubordination from this man.”

“Understood, Lord Vader,” Newmann replies. “I shall see to it at once.”

I watch him depart, confident that he will see to my orders efficiently and promptly. I am very tempted to send Kastellan on this mission, if for no other reason than to get him away from Padmé; but I do not trust him. Keep your allies close, and your enemies closer... an old wise man once said. I would not put anything past Kastellan, even collaborating with this Malz against me. No, better to keep him here, under my thumb.

“Do you have any further orders, my lord?” asks Kastellan.

“No,” I reply. “I am going to do an inspection before retiring. Notify me immediately if there are any further developments.”

“Of course,” he replies. “Sleep well, Lord Vader.”

I leave the bridge, making a mental note to have a listening device installed in Kastellan’s quarters. I cannot shake the feeling that this man, despite his seeing compliance. I still do not trust him and suspect that his outward appearance of obedience is merely an act designed to dupe me into trusting him. Little does he know me, the fool...

Inspections have always been something I have hated, even when I lived as Darth Vader. It is obvious that the men act in a completely different manner when I am present than they do when they are unsupervised. Still, even though this is but my first inspection, I can see that this ship has been run in a lax manner. I reprimand a number of men, making a point to all of them in doing so. The old Darth Vader would have killed a number of them in order to get his point across; but I will not resort to this, no matter how effective it would be. Nevertheless, I expect that the next time I inspect their stations I will see a marked improvement.

I enter my quarters, and stop dead in my tracks. The hyperbaric chamber sits open, like the mouth of a giant beast waiting to devour me. I can feel a chill run down my spine as I stand there mesmerized by the chamber, the sight of it bringing back memories of the many years I spent dependent upon it for my very existence. Ironic, where I should feel grateful to the technology that allowed me to live despite my grievous wounds, all I feel is antipathy and loathing for the thing. I turn away from it, and enter the ‘fresher. I remove the elaborate costume that I am locked in, and have a quick shower. Then I quietly enter the darkened room where Padmé is asleep. I slip into the bed, snuggling up behind her, my arms around her.

“Goodnight angel,” I whisper and kiss her shoulder. Within moments I fall into a deep sleep, my angel safe and secure in my arms.