Memoires of the Chosen One

[therealthing]

As incredible as it seems, there is actually a chance that the Rebels will destroy the Death Star. Arrogance, that’s what it is…, sheer arrogance! I tried to warn those simpering toadies not to put so much faith in a space station, but what do they know? They have no idea of the true nature of the universe, of the power that exists beyond their narrow scope of understanding. And now it has come to this; the rebel alliance, a ragged assembly of riff raff from across the galaxy, has managed to amass a fleet large enough to pose a real threat to this mighty space station. Part of me almost hopes they succeed, if for no other reason than to prove that those idiots were wrong.

It has been too long since I piloted a ship of my own…far too long. I can almost forget the fetters of my shackled body when I’m in the cockpit of a fighter…one with the controls in the vastness of deep space. The fighters flank me, clones, with nothing but orders to justify their very existence. They are good; they will do their job, for they always do.

Easy…too easy…these rebels don’t pose much of a threat at all! Is this the best that they can muster? Pegging off womp rats back on Tatooine was never this easy…

Close your formation... The clones follow me into the trench. I can sense their momentary unease as the walls close in around them, dangerously close to the wings of their fighters. They say nothing though- knowing perhaps that they would receive no word of encouragement from me. They know what I expect...what I demand.

The fighter before me disintegrates in a burst of flame that evaporates quickly into the coldness of space. There is but one left between me and the ….

what is this that I am sensing?? Is this the Force?? How can it be?? I haven’t felt such a tremor in years...no, never have I felt such a tremor. Who is this pilot? This rebel? How is it that the Rebellion has managed to hide one such as this from me until now?? Should I destroy him? I could do so, so easily…his droid is finished…what will he do now? WHAT???!!!

My craft spins out of control, out of the trench and into deep space. Through the force I feel the exultation of the One who has destroyed the death star...the One who I must find…

The Executor looms ahead of me, silent in the stillness of space. My head throbs as I guide my craft into the belly of the metal monster. Home… I reflect…or the closest thing I have to home...home is too warm a term for that behemoth of glass and steel out there...someone once told me that home is where your heart is…but what if you no longer have a heart? Does that mean home is no where??

“Lord Vader!” exclaims Admiral Ozzel as he rushes to greet me in the hangar bay along with a handful of troopers. “When we heard about the Death Star, we feared…”

“Summon the most cunning spies in the Empire,” I cut him off brusquely, the pain in my skull growing with each breath.

“Spies, milord?” asks Ozzel stupidly, falling over himself to keep up with me.

“You heard me,” I bark back. “At once, do you hear?”

I stalk off, leaving the simpleton to stare at my retreating figure in bewilderment. I need to sleep, I decide as I board the turbo lift. Alone now, I slump against the smooth metal wall, exhausted, the pain in my head like a vice, dizzying me with its intensity.

Finally in my quarters, my sanctuary, I am free to explore my thoughts once again. Who could this be? Who could create such a tremor? My mind gives me no answers, for I am too exhausted to think straight, and give in to the demands of my body and retire to my meditation chamber for a much needed rest.


Anakin, all I want is your love…come away with me...help me raise our child…Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!

Liar!!!

No….Anakin…

I wake up with a start, my heart pounding; the images from my dream have left me shaken, as they always do. Helpless in slumber, my subconscious mind is easy prey to the agonizing memories that I have learned to repress. Locked away in the strongbox that is my mind they remain, unable to inflict pain until sleep comes. And then they creep into my brain to torture me, to remind me that all I have left in the universe is the Darkness that has enabled me to live this past twenty years.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 2

It has been 48 hours since the destruction of the Death Star. The casualty list is enormous. Though clones have no families, the hundreds of officers and men serving on board do…did... and the onerous task of contacting them has finally been accomplished. My Master, Lord Sideous, is not pleased with me. I know he holds me responsible for allowing Organa to steal the plans and for failing to retrieve them. I must find the rebel responsible, find where the traitors are hiding; perhaps only then will my Master’s faith in me be restored.

“My lord! My lord!”

I turn to see a young officer, Piett, running towards me.

“What is it Captain?”

“My lord, the spies are here. They have given us the name of the rebel who destroyed the Death Star.”

Finally…it’s been nearly 6 months since I dispatched the fools..I say nothing, waiting for Piett to continue.

“Well?” I ask at last, impatiently.

“Skywalker was the name of the rebel, milord,” replied Piett. “Luke Skywalker.”

Skywalker!! The sound of that name resonates in my mind, a name from long ago, belonging to a man who no longer exists. Luke Skywalker…

I turn away from Piett and stare out the huge window at the endless sea of stars, my mind grappling with what I have just been told. Piett stands wordlessly at my side, awaiting orders, knowing me well enough not to question my sudden silence.

My son…who else could he be?? Who else but my own child could create such a powerful tremor in the Force? But how? How is this possible when...

Suddenly the memories flood my mind unchecked and relentless…Padmé…Mustafar...my grip on her throat…but she did not die…I could feel her life force even as she lie there…but Master Sideous told me that I had killed her...he lied…but why would he? HE LIED!! She lived to give birth to your son…his very existence is proof of that!

I close my eyes, unable to control the swell of emotions that crash over me. My son…I see Padmé’s face, her eyes full of trepidation as she tells me she is pregnant...how happy I was at that moment! All these years without him...without her…all because of a lie…

“Lord Vader?” Piett speaks up at last, undoubtedly growing nervous in my brooding presence. “Admiral Ozzel requires your orders, milord.”

I look down at Piett, grateful that he has pulled me from my painful thoughts. I am silent for a moment longer, as I formulate a plan.

“Probe droids,” I say at last. “Ten thousand of them, dispatched to every corner of the galaxy. Immediately.”

Piett’s eyes widen, but he is smart enough not to question me.
“At once, milord,” he says simply with a bow, and then leaves me.

Piett is one of the only men on this ship with half a brain in his head, I realize as I watch him hurry away. Ozzel will no doubt have questions, and I know it is only a matter of time before my master demands a progress report. Do I tell him? Perhaps he already knows...perhaps he’s known all along and has kept Luke from me all these years, just as that coward Kenobi did…

“Lord Vader, I must speak to you at once.”

I turn and see Ozzel approaching me, an ashen faced Piett at his side.

“What is it Admiral?” I ask.

“I want to let you know that this incompetent fool,” he said, gesturing brusquely to Piett, “has just told me a most preposterous lie. He claims that you asked for 10 thousand probe droids to be dispatched and...”

“That is exactly what I have ordered,” I cut him off, growing more annoyed by the moment by his pomposity. “You find my order preposterous?” I add menacingly, folding my arms over my chest.

Ozzel’s face turns white, and he glances nervously at Piett, who, I have to admit, looks rather pleased with the turn of events.

“Err..uh..well..” stammers Ozzel. “It’s just that such an enormous number of probe droids is not at our disposal, milord…to muster such a vast number would take weeks, milord…months!”

“I want them sent out in 24 hours,” I continue, nonplussed by his dire protestations. “I am not interested in your excuses, Admiral. Make it happen, or I will find someone who will. Am I making myself clear?” I do not raise my voice, there is no need. Ozzel is now perspiring, perhaps expecting to feel the iron grip of my fingers around his windpipe.

“Perfectly clear, Lord Vader,” replies Ozzel, bowing as he backs away.

I watch the two officers hurry away, wondering how I keep from killing the lot of them.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 3

Weeks pass by, agonizing in the slowness of their passage...and still nothing of consequence from the probe droids. He is out there somewhere…even in the vastness of space I can feel his presence, like a bright star, growing in its intensity. I curse the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi, for he knew about my son, of that I am certain. The look of smugness on his face as I smote him…that look that I grew to loathe after so many years in his servitude. He knew...

During this time of waiting I have scoured the Imperial data base, searching for any scrap of information about Padmé…anything to feed the sliver of hope I have that she too survived and has been alive all these years. There is extensive information about the planet Naboo on the database; the Emperor’s home planet holds a special significance for him even after all these years.

I scan through the lists of queens from a century earlier, names that mean nothing to me, and faces that mean even less until I am stopped cold by the sight of her face. Shocked by the emotions that I didn’t think myself capable of feeling anymore, I stare at her image, projected in holographic form from my computer console. I only half listen to the data readout that accompanies her image: When her terms ended, Amidala was constitutionally obligated to step down as Queen, although the public would have easily backed an amendment allowing her to serve longer. Though she had every right to retire and concentrate on her personal life, Amidala continued to be passionate about public service. The readout went on about her role in the Senate, and opposition to the Military Creation Act…but nothing about her personal life. But of course no one knew about that... I reflect, and then am jolted back to attention by the final words emitted from the computer: At a state funeral, thousands of Naboo citizens came to pay their respects to their beloved representative.

No!!! She’s gone…why did I let myself believe for a moment that she was alive? Why did I dare to hope??

All the years of rigidly keeping my feelings prisoner amount to nothing as the disappointment, bitter and agonizing, fills me. I snap off the image, unable to look at her any longer, the sight of her angelic face destroying what is left of my heart. I sit for a moment, thankful that I am alone in the privacy of my meditation chamber. Struggling for control, fighting for it, I sit, I bring my mind into oneness with the Dark Side, draw strength from it, let it fill my emptiness with its power, and slowly feel it push out the weak emotions that I have not felt in a lifetime, steeling my spirit once again.

Finally, after nearly a year of searching, we have a lead.

“But sir the Hoth System is supposed to be devoid of human forms.”

“You found something?” I ask.

Piett has an image on the screen of his data station, and although it looks like very little to go on, I can feel the presence of my son simply by looking at the image. I have you now…

“That’s it, the rebels are there,” I declare.

Ozzel smirks in that condescending manner that I detest.

“My lord,” he begins, “there are so many...uncharted settlements. It could be smugglers, it could be...”

I cut him off. Don’t you dare try to patronize me, you insect…do you have any idea who you are dealing with?? The power of the Force that links me to my son is beyond your feeble understanding…

“That is the system,” I reiterate, ignoring his comment, and resisting the urge to crush his windpipe where he stands. “And I’m sure Skywalker is with them. Set your course for the Hoth System.” I turn away from Ozzel. “General Veers, prepare your men.” I walk away, leaving Ozzel red faced, looking incompetent yet again before his junior officer. Unheeded, I feel my hopes soaring once again, feeling certain that soon I will claim my son as my own.

Closer and closer we draw to the Hoth System, my impatience mounting with every parsec. The attack is all planned, everything is in place. All we need to do is take the rebels by surprise and we’ll have them...and I will have him…

I have reported to my Master that we have located the rebel base. He is pleased, or seems to be…I cannot shake the feeling that he knows about my son. And if he does, then no doubt he will have his own plans for him. That is of no consequence...he has no claim to him…I am the boy’s father…he is mine…For a brief moment I consider the fact that the person I have lived as for the past 20 years really has no claim to the boy- that the man who sired him was from another life time, a man long gone…that is irrelevant...he is my flesh, my blood…we are connected in a way that Sidious could never fathom…

My meditations are interrupted as I sense a presence waiting outside. I open the chamber and see General Veers standing there, waiting patiently.

“What is it, General?” I ask.

“My lord, the fleet has moved out of light speed,” he begins. I sense the hesitation in him, and wait for the bad news. “Comscan has detected an energy field surrounding the sixth planet of the Hoth System. It’s strong enough to deflect any bombardment.”

Idiot!! My mind screams. He will pay for it this time…

“The rebels are alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel came out of light speed too close to the system,” I rumble angrily.

“He felt surprise was wiser...” suggests Veers nervously.

“He is as clumsy as he is stupid,” I snap. “General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.”

“Yes, my lord,” he says, bowing and retreating, relief spilling out of him as he leaves my presence. I turn in my chamber; activate the bridge view screen and within seconds Ozzel’s face looms above me. He seems quite pleased with himself, the fool.

“Lord Vader,” he begins, Piett standing by his side. “We’ve moved out of light speed and are preparing to…” he stops and grabs his throat as he feels my iron grip around his windpipe.

“You have failed me for the last time, Admiral,” I snarl. “Captain Piett!”

“Yes Lord Vader!” he responds at once, glancing nervously at his superior officer as he gasps for breath.

“Be ready to land our troops beyond their energy field and deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off that system. You are in command now, Admiral Piett.”

“Thank you, Lord Vader!” responds Piett as Ozzel collapses to the floor.

I enjoyed that… I reflect. It certainly was a long time coming.

I pace the length of the bridge, the time moving all too slowly. We have entered the system, and it is only a matter of time before the battalion of troops that have been dispatched have the shield down. The shabby band of pilots and their crafts will be no match for the legion of AT AT’s that are at this very moment bearing down on the rebels’ fortress. I glance down at the snow covered planet as I pass by the windows in my pacing, knowing my son is there...I can feel his presence. He is strong, and growing stronger…

“My lord!”

I turn to see Piett standing there. “We have a transmission from General Veers.”

Wordlessly I follow Piett to a comm. station where he activates the transmission. Immediately a holographic image of Veers appears before me.

“Lord Vader,” he begins, “We have reached the main generator. We will have the shield down in moments. You may start your landing.”

I snap off the transmission and turn to Pieet. “Have my shuttle ready at once, along with a squadron of snow troopers. I’m going down there.”

“Of course, milord,” replies Piett, rushing to see to my bidding.

The base is in chaos when we enter it. Klaxons are blaring everywhere, warning the fleeing traitors that we have arrived. The clones surrounding me are efficient despite the heavy armor they are outfitted with, and move swiftly through the base looking for any stragglers. Luke is not here…he is close, but he is not in the base…I realize with bitter disappointment. Still, we press on.

We follow the only hallway that has not collapsed under the roof of snow to a hanger, where a ship, a small Corellian freighter by the look of it, is sitting. Three troops start to set up their heavy artillery, and are sprayed with laser fire from the freighter, killing them instantly. Who is aboard that ship? I wonder, but before we can make another attempt to shoot them down, the ship roars to life and soars over our heads out of the hangar. I watch it go; feeling strongly that this ship is the key to finding my son.

“What now, Lord Vader?” asks the clone beside me.

I stare up at the blue sky that is visible through the opening in the hangar. “We follow them,” I say simply. “Back to the shuttle.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 4

Upon returning to the Executor, Piett brings me news of the pursuit of the rebel fleet. Many of their transport managed to evade our blockade- thanks I’m certain to that bumbling imbecile Ozzel- but the Millennium Falcon, the ship I watched blast its way to freedom, has not yet made the jump to light speed.
“Track it,” I order. “Be sure that this one does not escape,” I add tersely as I head for my quarters to send a report to Master Sideous.

Barely had I completed my message, and had taken a few moments to breathe unaided in the safety of my hyperbaric chamber, and then I hear the hiss of the doors to my quarters open. Piett…I sense. I open the chamber as my helmet is lowered to my head, sensing his shock at the sight of my bare, disfigured head.

“Yes, admiral?” I ask as I face him at last.

"Our ships have sighted the Millennium Falcon, Lord; but it has entered an asteroid field, and we cannot risk f..”

“Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral,” I interject impatiently. “I want that ship, and not excuses.”

“Yes, Lord,” he replies, as I close the chamber once again.


Waiting…how I loathe it! Perhaps if I were not surrounded by idiots the Falcon would already be in my possession. Yet such is my life…for now. The Executor, along with several other destroyers, has followed the renegade freighter into the asteroid field. All around me I hear reports of the destruction of our fleet, of the damages incurred by all the ships, including my own; but I don’t care. I will have that ship, for I am convinced that it is the key to finding my son.

“And that, Lord Vader, was the last time they appeared in any of our scopes. Considering the amount of damage we’ve sustained, they must have been destroyed,” declares the holographic image of Captain Needa, as the image beside him cringes in agony and then evaporates.

“No, Captain,” I assert, “they’re alive. I want every ship available to sweep the asteroid field until they are found.”

As the holographic images fade out, Piett rushes over to me. “Lord Vader!”

I turn to him. “Yes Admiral, what is it?”

“The Emperor commands you to make contact with him.”

“Move the ship out of the asteroid field so that we can send a clear transmission,” I command and then leave Piett.

“Yes, my lord,” he replies as he watches me leave.

He knows… I reflect as I make my way to my quarters. I focus my mind, determined not to make him privy to my innermost thoughts, my most private dreams of my son, and what I have planned for him. I relax, knowing that though Sideous is strong with the Force, I am still stronger than him in many respects. He won’t learn anything from me…I am determined that he won’t.

I approach the comm. Station, kneeling as the image of my Master materializes before me.

“What is thy bidding, my Master?”

“There is a great disturbance in the Force,” he begins.

“I have felt it,” I concur noncommittally.

“We have a new enemy,” Sideous continues. “The young rebel who destroyed the Death Star, I have no doubt this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker.”

Control….control…

“How is that possible?” I respond, managing to sound incredulous at his declaration.

“Search your feelings, Lord Vader,” he replies mildly, with condescension, obviously enjoying the fact that he knew of my son’s existence before I did. Or so he thinks…“You will know it to be true. He could destroy us.”

“He’s just a boy,” I reply cautiously. “Obi-Wan can no longer help him.”

“The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.”

“If he could be turned he would become a powerful ally,” I suggest slowly, as though the idea were just dawning on me.

Sideous considers this for a moment. “Yes, he would be a great asset,” he agrees. “Can it be done?”

“He will join us or die, Master,” I say, bowing low, closing my mind and my heart from his scrutiny.



“There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Millennium Falcon,” I announce as I look over the motley crew of beings assembled before me. I have decided that the collective intelligence of the officers under my command is insufficient to meet the challenge before them, and so I have recruited more reliable means. I can sense the disapproval, even aversion of the officers on the bridge, who seem to think themselves superior.

“You are free to use any methods necessary,” I continue, “but I want them alive. No disintegrations,” I stop before Boba Fett, a particularly notorious mercenary.

“As you wish,” he replies from beneath his mask.

I dismiss the assemblage and am almost off the bridge when Piett rushes over. “My lord,” he says, “we have them!”

We shall see about that…I reflect, not allowing myself to get hopeful. According to Piett, the Avenger has the rebel freighter in its grasp, the Falcon having finally emerged from the asteroid field. Impressive piloting to manage that unscathed, I reflect.

“I want updates on the pursuit,” I tell Piett. “Every five minutes. Do you understand?”

“Of course, milord,” replies Piett. “I shall send word to Captain Needa at once.”

Sometimes I wish that someone had the ability to surprise me, to impress me with their brilliance…but that does not happen when one is surrounded by imbeciles. Not 20 minutes has passed since the Avenger sent word that it had the rebels at bay when the Captain of the said ship, Captain Needa, arrives on the bridge of my ship to apologize for losing them. He has barely pronounced the words, which turn out to be his last, when my patience snaps and I reach out with the Force, strangling the idiot where he stands.

“Apology accepted, Captain Needa,” I say as I stride past his inert form on the bridge deck. I signal for the body to be removed I approach Piett.

“Sir, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing. If the Millennium Falcon went into light speed it will be on the other side of the galaxy by now,” he reports grimly.

“Alert all commands,” I command. “Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory.”

“Yes milord,” replies Piett smugly. “We’ll find them.”

I grow irritated at his complacency. “Don’t fail me again, Admiral,” I snap back, pointing an accusing finger at him before I leave the bridge.

Bespin…..that is where they are headed…It was not my own men who have given me this information but rather a bounty hunter. Ruthless and yet reliable, Boba Fett has contacted the Executor with word of his pursuit of the Falcon. It seems that the rebel ship is without its hyperdrive, which gives us a huge advantage. The element of surprise shall be ours, as we lay a trap for our quarry.

I, along with a garrison of troopers, head for Cloud City, and arrive there just before dawn. Our arrival has not gone unnoticed, for we are met on the landing platform by a man who introduces himself as being the administrator, Lando Calrissian.

“I wasn’t aware of any problems that required the attention of the Empire,” he says, trying to hide his fear, without success.

“There is no problem, Calrissian,” as I stride into the corridor. “I am asking for your cooperation in catching a criminal, that is all.”

I can sense the alarm growing in the simple minded man. “Criminal?” he asks suspiciously. “Now wait a minute, Lord Vader, we don’t harbor criminals here,” he declares. “I don’t know what...”

“A ship is on its way here at this moment,” I interrupt. “The captain and crew of this ship are enemies of the Empire. I expect that you will cooperate with me in apprehending them when they arrive.”

I walk away from Calrissian, leaving him to ponder what exactly cooperation will entail.

The bounty hunter, Boba Fett, is waiting for me in one of the small reception areas off the main corridor.

“Name your price, Fett,” I say without preamble, not wishing to deal with the vile character any longer than necessary.

“I want Solo,” he says.

Interesting, I ponder. “Why?”

“The bounty on him is big, huge,” he replies. “He owes Jabba the Hutt a lot of money.”

I nod in understanding. I know all too well how the hutts operate.

“You may take him to Jabba the Hutt once I have what I want,” I reply. “I have no doubt that this trap will bring Skywalker to me.”

“Skywalker?”

Calrissian has followed us into the briefing room.

“Who is that?” he asks.

I grow annoyed with the simpleton. “Who he is need not concern you,” I reply curtly. “You have a part to play, Calrissian; be sure you do it well.”

He frowns, put out that he is not going to be let in on my plans.

“I’d just like to know what’s going on,” he protests. “After all, I am in charge of this facility.”

I almost laugh at his pomposity and self importance. “For now,” I say mildly, enjoying the panic that has begun to creep into his microscopic brain. “Be ready for Solo’s arrival,” I tell him. “And be sure that nothing goes wrong, or this facility will not be yours to control any longer.”

I leave them both, anxious to spring the trap.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 5

I don’t have to wait long. As the sun began to fill the clouds with light, the Millennium Falcon was tracked entering the outlying areas of the City. It is only a matter of time now, I reflect as I grow impatient with waiting. My thoughts turn to Luke…what will he look like? How will he react to seeing me? I’m not even certain what will happen when we meet face to face…no doubt he has learned to hate me, no doubt Kenobi filled his head with his lies…

“My lord,” announces a junior officer entering the room. “Everything is ready.”

I nod my understanding and take my place at the long table. Fett is waiting in the wings. The anticipation is exhilarating; I can sense the tension of those around me who also wait. They are coming…in my mind’s eye I can see them approaching, oblivious to what awaits them. The door slides open, and I stand up, in time to deflect the blaster fire of Solo who in his panic fires wildly in my direction.

“We would be honored if you would join us,” I say, as the blaster flies out of Solo’s hand and into my grasp.

Solo looks at Calrissian, who offers a lame excuse. “I had no choice; they arrived right before you did. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” replies Solo grimly, pulling Organa closer to him. Then the three of them, along with the wookiee with them, enter the room. The doors close behind them.

I sit down at the head of the table, and watch as the three rebels approach.

“Be seated,” I command.

Solo glares at me, the hatred and fear emanating from him in waves. Organa too is afraid, but she seems to have a tighter rein on her feelings than her companions. As for the wookiee, he seems most interested in the food on the table at this point.

“What do you want with us, Vader?” demands Solo.

“You shall see soon enough,” I reply cryptically. “You gave us quite a chase, Captain Solo. Your piloting skills are rather impressive.”

“I’m flattered,” replies Solo sarcastically. “Tell you what, Vader; do what you like with me, but leave the Princess alone.”

I frown under my mask, and look at Organa, who is fighting to control her emotions at this point. She loves him, I realize. So much the better…

“You are hardly in a position to be dictating terms,” I say at last, standing up. I turn to the troops at the door. “Take the princess and the wookiee away,” I command. “Separate them. Captain Solo will come with me.”

Solo’s eyes grow wide, but he says nothing. Organa looks up at him wordlessly as the troops take her away. Solo watches helplessly as she and the wookiee, who protests loudly at being denied his meal, are escorted from the room.

“Take him away,” I say to the junior officer at my side. “You know what to do.”

“Yes, Lord Vader,” he responds, then gestures to the remaining trooper who grabs Solo and puts him in restraints. Then the three of them, along with Fett, head for the door. I follow, pleased that everything has worked out so well. If Luke is as strong as I think he is, then he will undoubtedly sense what his friends are feeling, and rush to their aid. And I will be waiting for him when he does…

Solo has been restrained to a platform at a 45 degree angle away from the floor. I nod to the trooper at his side who lower him to a rather insidious rack of torture devices. Even as he is being lowered, electric jolts hit his body, causing what I imagine must be excruciating pain. Though stoic at first, as the intensity of the jolts increase, Solo can no longer keep from screaming in agony. Having seen enough, I leave the room, the sound of his screams spilling out into the corridor even behind the closed door. Fett is standing there, waiting in grim anticipation for his quarry.

“You may take Captain Solo to Jabba the Hutt after I have Skywalker,” I tell him, reading in his unsophisticated mind his sole motivation.

“He’s no good to me dead,” he replies tersely, following behind me.

“He will not be permanently damaged,” I return.

“Lord Vader!”

About to enter the turbo lift, I turn to see Calrissian standing there. He looks rather queasy, no doubt unnerved by the sounds of his former friend’s screams that can still be heard in the distance.

“What about Leia and the wookiee?” he asks.

“They must never again leave this city,” I tell him.

“That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!” he shouts angrily.

I smile; toying with this man is just too easy. “Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly?” I ask mildly. Calrissian’s anger fades, and he suddenly remembers who he’s addressing.

“No,” he lies.

“Good, it would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here,” I snap back, and then let the doors of the lift close between us, only too happy to get away from his irritating presence.


“This facility is crude, but it will be adequate to freeze Skywalker for his journey to the Emperor,” I declare as I inspect the carbon freezing unit.

“Lord Vader, ship approaching, X-Wing class,” reports one of the officers.

There is no need to tell me…I can feel him drawing closer, his essence growing in intensity with each parsec…

“Good,” I reply, “monitor Skywalker and allow him to land.” He is coming…

“Lord Vader, we only use this facility for carbon freezing. You put him in there you might kill him,” declares Calrissian gravely.

“I do not want the emperor’s prize damaged,” I reply. “We will test it – on Captain Solo.”

I leave, feeling the horror and disbelief spilling out of him as he watches me leave. Perhaps now he knows who he’s dealing with... I reflect with self-satisfaction.

Everything is in place. The anticipation inside me grows with each passing moment. In a short time I will have my son…Luke…

The carbon freezing unit is belching out steam as I make my appearance. Solo is manacled, his face wan from his earlier session on the rack. Organa’s face is strained with trying to contain her emotions. I doubt she will be able to do so much longer once she sees what is in store for Solo…

I take my place as the pig like creatures scurry around the controls, making sure everything is ready.

“What if he doesn’t survive?” asks Fett as he stands at my side. “He’s worth a lot to me.”

“The Empire will compensate you if he dies,” I reply simply. “Put him in,” I order the troops who flank Solo. As they attempt to do so, the wookiee goes berserk. Primitive as they are, I can sense the feelings from the giant being- he has a great sense of loyalty and affection for Solo, and is trying to save him. Fett raises his blaster rifle to end the ordeal, and I push it away, disgusted by him at this point.

I watch as Solo and the princess exchange a few last words, and then a kiss…

I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway…I truly, deeply love you...and before we die I wanted you to know…

I push the memory out of my mind, squash it, and refuse it entry. I focus instead on the sight before me; Solo being lowered into the carbon freezing unit, while the wookiee who is his friend howls in agony and protest. Organa’s face is streaked with tears as she watches too, horrified by the spectacle before her. Within a few minutes the carbonite block is withdrawn from the well in the floor. With a thud, it is lowered to the floor, the image of Solo’s frozen form protruding from it. Calrissian moves to the floor to check the controls.

“Well, Calrissian,” I ask, knowing what he is doing. “Did he survive?”

“Yes, he’s alive,” he sighs in relief. “And in perfect hibernation.”

I turn to Fett. “He’s all yours, bounty hunter,” I tell him. He bows in response, and moves to take Solo away.

“Reset the chamber for Skywalker,” I command.

“Skywalker has just landed, milord,” announces an officer.

Yes I know… “Good, see to it that he finds his way in here,” I say, then turn to Calrissian. “Calrissian, take the princess and the wookiee to my ship.”

“You said they’d be left in the city under my supervision!” he protests angrily.

“I am altering the deal,” I snap back. “Pray I don’t alter it any further.” I reach out with the Force, and start to choke him; but stop. I still need him- unfortunately. I leave the room to ensure that the trap is set. This is too important to leave to the idiots under my command. This is my son they’re dealing with- he will not be easily taken. I must make sure nothing goes wrong…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 6

My eyes are closed, my mind focused on the One who is approaching…I can feel him getting closer…he is strong, yet I can sense his fear, his apprehension. He has no idea what he about to face…no idea of where his true destiny lies. All will be revealed to him soon enough. I hear someone enter the service elevator beneath the floor of the carbon freezing unit…he is here….

From below the floor a lone figure emerges, his back to me at first. I stand there simply and look at him. He is small…blond…with a slim build. I had tried to imagine what he would look like- but the image of my own face, as it once was, is unclear to me now- and her face is one I will not allow myself to visualize…though my dreams are haunted by it constantly…the boy turns, glances down at the blaster in his hand and puts it away after a moment’s consideration. That’s right, Luke, that will do you no good now…

“The Force is with you, young Skywalker,” I say at last as he turns to me. “But you are not a Jedi yet.”

Luke climbs the steps to meet me face to face, affording me the chance to examine my boy up close.

I can see my mother in his face…the thought of her painful to me. Before I can examine him further, he ignites his lightsaber and assumes an attack position. So this is how it’s to be… I reflect. If you insist upon making this difficult for yourself, then so be it. I ignite my own weapon, and meet his blade with my own. He parries me with a crude move, making up for what it lacks in finesse with passion. He hates me…I can feel it in his heart, see it in his eyes…my mother’s eyes… that makes his hatred sting even more…he makes another feint and I push back at him with one hand, shoving him to the floor. Determined not to be bested, he gets to his feet quickly and attacks me once again. I give ground to him, letting him push forward, allowing him a brief feeling of confidence.

“You have learned much, Young One,” I comment.

“You’ll find I’m full of surprises,” he retorts coldly, coming at me once again.

Yes, and I as well… I reflect as I knock the saber from his hand easily and watch it tumble down the steps. I bring my blade to the floor beside him, and he rolls out of my reach, tumbling down the steps. At the bottom he jumps to his feet. I jump the steps easily, landing in front of him. He is unarmed now, and I sense his fear, despite his best efforts to control it.

“Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker,” I tell him, advancing toward him. “Obi-Wan knew this to be true.”

At the mention of Kenobi’s name, the hatred in him flares up again and he glares at me. “No,” he snaps back.

I push forward again, and he falls back into the carbon freezing chamber in the floor.

“All too easy,” I say, using the Force to activate the device. I am disappointed, expecting a much greater battle with him. “Perhaps you are not as strong as the Emperor thought.”

From above my head I hear something and look up, surprised and secretly delighted, to see Luke hanging from one of the many ducts that run into the chamber.

“Impressive!” I declare, slashing at the hose he’s clinging to. “Most impressive.” Luke aims one of the pressurized hoses straight into my mask, and I stagger back. He then uses the Force to bring his lightsaber to his hand and takes advantage of my surprise to press forward, bringing his saber to mine. I meet his parry with my own weapon.

“Obi-Wan has taught you well,” I tell him as our blades meet. “You have controlled your fear, now release your anger! Only your hatred can destroy me.”

Luke’s face betrays his anxiety for a moment- clearly he doesn’t like what he hears, and pushes me back until I reach the edge of the platform and fall, surprised and humiliated; yet strangely proud that my boy has managed to get this far. Of course, I ponder as I make my way to the control room; I haven’t exactly been trying. He has yet to really see the true power I have at my command, the power of the Dark Side. Once he has, he will be mine…

I take advantage of the break to summon my strength. I will need all of it to show Luke the true nature of the Force, the glory of the Dark Side. I sense him approaching; he is cautious, his heart racing. I sense him as he tries to reach out with his mind to find me. Not yet, my son…but very soon you will master that skill, of that I have no doubt…soon will we be of one mind in the Force, you and I...and together we shall rule the galaxy….

Slowly I approach him, watching him back away, his lightsaber, my lightsaber, held out in front of him, his hands clenching the hilt tightly. He comes at me, strikes out with a move that I easily deflect. Our blades meet again, and then I step back. Time to show him what he’s up against...Using the Force I rip instruments from the wall, from the floor, and hurl them at him. He tries valiantly to deflect them with his lightsaber, but he is too weak, and I am too relentless. I pummel him, his body jerking this way and that as he is attacked from all sides by the projectiles as I stand by calmly and watch. Now he’s truly scared…now he knows…

Suddenly a large metal case shatters the large round window behind Luke, and he goes flying out along with all the debris. I hold onto the metal column beside me, my cloak flying around in the wind, until the room is stabilized once again. And then I walk over to the window, and see my son hanging for dear life onto the catwalk that leads out from the gantry. He manages to pull himself to safety. He is exhausted, terrified, and discouraged; yet in him I still sense the need to finish this, to make his stand. I am proud of him for not giving up despite the enormous odds against him. I retreat back into the control room, giving him a few precious moments to recover his strength and his nerve. He will need them for what I have in store for him…

Luke makes his way back into the control room; his face battered and bruised, his step somewhat less sure than when we first encountered one another. This time it is I who attacks first, and I come at him with relentless aggression. Strike after strike I bring down upon his saber as he retreats back out onto the gantry. This is the Force, my son…this is the Darkness that you will soon embrace…

Luke stumbles and falls. I step closer and bring the tip of my crimson blade to his throat. “You are beaten,” I tell him. “It is useless to resist! Don’t let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did!”

The name of Obi-Wan again spurs him on, and he pushes my blade away angrily with his own and then gets to his feet. I slash at him and miss as he ducks, giving him an opening. He takes advantage, and delivers a blow to my right shoulder. The pain is intense, and I shout angrily. The fury in me rises quickly, I feel it fill me utterly and I have to control myself or else I will slay my son where he stands. I slash out at the instrument panel instead, slicing it asunder, channeling my anger in order to prevent myself from killing him. But by now I’m finished toying with him, I’m tired, the pain in my shoulder is excruciating. It’s time to end this. Effortlessly I draw him into defensive error, and he leaves his right hand, his saber hand, unprotected. I bring my blade up and slice through his wrist, sensing his agony even before I hear his scream.

“There is no escape,” I tell him grimly as he backs out onto the ledge, a mere 20 centimeters in width. He cradles his injured arm, glaring up at me, the hatred burning in his eyes. “Don’t make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy!”

“I’ll never join you!!!” he spits back at me.

“If you only knew the power of the Dark Side,” I reply. Time to claim him as my own…time for total truth...

“Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father,” I continue. The mention of his father intensifies his anger.

“He told me enough!” he shouts back. “He told me you killed him!!”

“No, I am your father,” I say simply.

A thousand emotions flash through my son’s mind, reflected in his eyes. Disbelief, confusion, betrayal, horror, anger….yet the intensity of his reaction tells me that on some level he knows…

“No, no…” he cries, “that’s not true!!! That’s impossible!!”

“Search your feelings, you know it to be true!” I retort, challenging him to look inside himself, to face what he already knows to be the truth.

“NO, NO!!” cries Luke in agony.

“Luke, you can destroy the emperor, he has foreseen this, it is your destiny! Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!” I hold out my hand to him, inviting him.

Luke looks down at the gaping chasm below him, looks around, and I know he is weighing his options. Finally he looks back at me, expectantly.

“Come with me,” I say, reaching out to him once again. “It is the only way.”

Making sure I am watching, he lets go and falls. He wants me to know that he chooses death, of that I am certain; I can see it in his eyes just before he plummets.

I am exhausted by this point, emotionally and physically. Bitter disappointment fills me. The hatred I felt from him is staggering, and it strikes at my heart. What did you expect though? I ask myself as I walk back into the control room. He has believed you killed his father all this time…thanks again to Kenobi…

My shoulder throbs with each step I take, worsening my mood as I reach the main corridor of the central part of the city. I am met there by a handful of my men.

“Bring my shuttle,” I snap, thoroughly miserable by this point. On the way over to the Executor I learn that Organa has also escaped, along with that double-crossing opportunist, Calrissian. Could this have gone any worse?? I wonder dejectedly.

Piett is waiting for me on the bridge. I hope he has good news.

“They’ll be in range of our tractor beam in moments, Lord,” he tells me, almost as if he knows I need to hear something promising.

“Did your men deactivate the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon?” I ask.

“Yes, milord,” he replies.

“Good, prepare the boarding party and set your weapons for stun,” I reply.

“Yes, milord. Lieutenant?” says Piett, turning to the young officer at his elbow.

“Yes sir!” returns the young man, rushing off at once.

I turn away from Piett, wanting to be alone with my thoughts. It all happened so quickly, I hardly had a moment to reflect, to absorb what was happening. My son…I have finally met him face to face… he surprised me with his strength and his courage…he’s his father’s son…I turn my mind outward, searching for his in the vastness of space between us. Slowly I feel myself draw near to him- his Force presence is unmistakable, like a bright new star, glowing with newness, with raw energy…I sense so much in him: defeat, disappointment, exhaustion, confusion…I want to tell him so much, want to reassure him that everything he knows is wrong, that he can trust me, I will not lie to him the way that bastard Kenobi did. I reach out to him, hoping that he is sensitive enough to hear my call…

Luke….

Father?


Son...come with me... it is an entreaty, not a command. An invitation, one that I feel certain in time he will accept.

I back away, let him alone for a moment. He is utterly confused, feeling completely overwhelmed by what he has just learned. He believes me…of that I am certain…I reach out to him again.

Luke…it is your destiny… I tell him. He makes no reply this time, but I can feel the agony he is going through as he struggles to understand why he was lied to in such an insidious manner. I will never lie to you Luke…not like that bastard did…never…

“Alert all commands,” orders Piett. “Ready for the tractor beam.”

No sooner do the words leave his mouth then the Falcon disappears into hyperspace. I stare at the spot where it had just been, seconds ago. He’s gone….

Tension fills the bridge as all the officers and men await my reaction. Who will be dead momentarily? They all wonder. Who will be blamed for this latest blunder? But I am not in the mood to kill anyone…which surprises even me. Instead I leave the bridge, anxious to be alone with my thoughts.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 7

The events of the past 24 hours have left me spent, emotionally and physically. I’m not as young as I used to be…seeing my son reminds me of how I once was, young and impetuous, brimming with promise and talent…I can’t help but think that Luke must be disappointed- no, horrified, to learn that I am his father. It was obvious from his reaction that he was. He told me you killed him... He hated me before he ever set eyes on me, Kenobi saw to that. Hoping that my son would finish me off, were you Kenobi? Hoping he’d have the nerve to do what you couldn’t do? The thought of my former master twisting my son’s mind infuriates me, and only adds to the foulness of my mood. I haven’t slept in 72 hours…and though I am exhausted I doubt I shall sleep tonight either. There is too much going on in my head, too much to think about right now. And where does Sidious fit into all this? How much did he know? I’m afraid, in your anger, you killed her… The liar!! If I wasn’t sure if I hated him before, I know for certain that I do now. I have no doubt that he wants to use Luke now the way he used me, in fact, I expect he hopes to replace me with my own son. The irony of it all… I must be sure to guard my thoughts from him with greater diligence than ever. He must never suspect what I am planning, for it would mean the end for me and for Luke. I will not let him win this time…I have already lost too much because of him…

Sleep is fitful, but I am grateful for even a few hours. I awaken with a mind numbing headache, which only intensifies when I remember that Sidious is waiting for a report. And what am I going to tell him? That I had a joyful reunion with my son? That he and his friends escaped yet again? He is already displeased with me for spending so much time tracking down the renegades; now I have to tell him that they are no longer in my custody. That is sure to make things worse…

My conversation, if one can use the term in this case, with Sidious is stranger than usual, and it has disturbed me. He seems to be far too calm about my failure to apprehend Luke and the other rebels, and it arouses my suspicion immediately. I know this old man too well not to mistrust him. He is far too interested in the plans for his new Death Star – I don’t buy it. Nevertheless, I pretend to, and play the part of the dutiful apprentice, as I have for these past 22 years; a part I have come to know all too well.

“There is a dispute in the Mandalore System that I need you to look into,” instructs Sidious. “Make sure that the governor there does not go unpunished for his treachery.”

“As you wish,” I say, bowing low as the transmission fades out.

The Mandalore System?? He is sending me on an errand that any junior officer of the fleet could see to. Is this his way of punishing me for what he perceives as my failure? Or perhaps its just a slap in the face to keep me in my place…I cannot help but feel that he feels threatened by the knowledge that I have a son…a son that could destroy him…It is of no matter; in fact, the more distance I can put between my master and myself the better.

“Lord Vader!”

I turn to see Piett approaching me as I head for the bridge.

“What is it, Admiral?” I ask him, not slowing down.

“I...I was just wondering, milord, if you had remembered to contact the Emperor,” he reminds me as he hurries to keep up with me.

“Yes,” I reply. “I did. How thoughtful of you to remind me.”

Piett isn’t quite sure what to make of my comment, and his face reddens. “Forgive me if I’ve overstepped milord,” he replies. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been rather preoccupied since we left Bespin, and I wanted to…”

“Yes, you’re right about that,” I cut in. “That is why I appreciate you keeping me on my toes, Piett. You’re a good man. I wish I had more like you around here.”

Piett stops dead in his tracks shocked no doubt by my words. I am not very generous when it comes to praise; that he knows well enough.

“Thank you, Lord Vader!” he gushes. “It is my honor to serve you!”

I wave him off, not wanting him to get too emotional on me, and turn my attention to the young officer who stands waiting to give me his report.

“The fleet has been deployed, My Lord,” he reports, nervous perspiration standing out on his forehead. “We…we have had no leads on the Millennium Falcon from any quadrant as of yet, sir.”

I nod in understanding. No doubt the rebels were on the other side of the galaxy by now, along with my son…

“Set course for the Mandalore System,” I tell him. “At once.”

The young officer looks perplexed, and glances over my shoulder to where Piett, his mentor no doubt, is standing.

“At once, milord!” he replies, moving to see to my orders. I turn back to Piett who has joined me on the bridge.

“One of your protégé?” I ask him.

Piett smiles. “Yes, milord,” he replies. “A promising young man, otherwise I’d not trust him with such responsibility.”

“No, of course not,” I concur, only half listening to him as I turn to the vast window and the unending sea of stars without.

Piett I silent for a moment, and then walks over to stand beside me. I can sense his trepidation, but beneath that his desire to somehow make a connection with me. He is the first, the only man in this entire fleet who has ever done so, and it puzzles me. Does he feel some sort of sense of obligation to me because I promoted him so quickly? No, it doesn’t feel like that …it’s more personal, almost as though he wants to know the man that is feared and even hated by everyone …even his own son…

“The Mandalore System, sir?” he asks me. “May I ask what takes us there?”

I keep my eyes fixed on the stars. “A trade dispute,” I reply.

Immediately I sense Piett’s surprise. “A trade dispute?” he echoes. “But my lord, there are ships much closer than we are who could deal with it much more…”

“I am well aware of that, Admiral,” I cut him off brusquely. “The emperor, however, feels that I am needed, and so we shall do his bidding.”

“Of course, my lord,” replies Piett, chastened. He says nothing more, and I can sense in him the frustration that must come with serving someone as demanding and mercurial as I am…

“I will be in my quarters,” I tell him as I brush past him. “Notify me when we’ve reached Mandalore.”

“Yes, Lord Vader,” replies Piett.

I don’t need a friend, Piett; all I need is for you to do your job without screwing up too much…can you handle that? I think sourly as I head for my quarters. My head aches unceasingly, and the thought of taking a sleeping aid crosses my mind. I remember a time when I prided myself on never needing to take meds, but that time ended after Mustafar. There are times when the pain is crippling, and the only way I can function is by means of a steady dose of pain deadeners. But a sleep agent is what I need now- it may be the only way I will get the rest my body is crying out for.

The sleep aid does its job, and I fall into a deep slumber. I dream of things that my conscious mind refuses to remember; of my mother, and the night she died.

Ani? Is it you?? Ani?? Oh look at you…my grown up son…I’m so proud of you…now I am complete….

I wasn’t strong enough to save her…in fact, it’s my fault that she died, because of my ambition, my selfishness…if I’d never left on that day with Qui-Gon Jinn she never would have died…

It is a familiar reproach, one that I have wrestled with for over two decades now. What would she think of her Ani now? I cannot help but wonder. Would she be proud of the position of power I hold? Or ashamed of the monster I have become? She would be proud of Luke… I realize; how could she not be? I certainly am…

8 weeks, eight long, tedious weeks are spent in the Mandalore System. The trade dispute amounts to not much more than a petty squabble between bureaucrats, and I feel embarrassed and frustrated to have been ordered to referee the two idiots. At the back of my mind I cannot help but wonder if the real reason I was sent here to was get me out of the way, in a manner of speaking. What are you up to now, Sidious? Why are you taking such pains to keep your actions a secret from me?

“My lord, there is a transmission from the Emperor coming through,” I am informed by one of the junior officers on the bridge.

“Send it to my quarters,” I order him, wishing to take the message in private. If he is about to chastise me yet again, I’d rather not let the men see it. I walk to my quarters, dreading the communication, steeling myself for the encounter. Determined not to let him know what it is my thoughts, I raise my guard, shutting him out.

“The situation has been brought under control, my master,” I inform Sideous as he waits expectantly for my report, which I deliver. He seems terribly uninterested in the machinations of the treaty I have arranged – there is something else on his mind, and I know what it is. His new Death Star…

“I have a new assignment for you, Lord Vader,” he tells me, not bothering to comment on my success in the Mandalore situation. “The Death Star is weeks behind schedule,” he tells me bluntly. “That idiot Jerjerrod has bungled things up completely. I need you to go make sure that they get back on schedule. I want that Death Star completed on time, and it’s your job to see that it is.”

“Yes, my master,” I reply dutifully.

“Make course for the Endor system at once,” he commands. “In four weeks time I shall come myself to inspect your progress, Lord Vader. Be sure that I am not disappointed.”

The transmission fades out as I bow perfunctorily, my heart burning with hatred for this thing that I call my master.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 8

Suspended above the green moon called Endor is the new Death Star. Ominous and foreboding even in its infancy, it poses a stark contrast to the green innocence of the moon below. I stare at it as we approach, mesmerized by its sheer size and engineering brilliance. I have always been fascinated by the way things work, always been good at building things and fixing things; but this monster impresses even me in its design. I’ve heard the men around me talking boastfully about its potency, which is apparently even greater than the original…, the one Luke destroyed. And no doubt the rebels will attempt to destroy this one as well…I ponder.

“Lord Vader.”

I turn to see Piett standing beside me. “What is it Admiral?”

“I’ve just received a report that there are a substantial number of rebel ships in the Sullust system,” he replies. “Hundreds of ships, perhaps the entire rebel fleet, they report. Do you think they’re planning something?”

I nod. “Of course they are,” I reply. “It’s been 4 months since we chased them out of the Hoth System; I’m sure they’re more than ready for a rematch.”

Piett smiles. “Well at least they think they are,” he replies. “They won’t stand a chance against that,” he adds, indicating the huge sphere that grows larger as we approach it. “Those rebel scum will be finished once and for all.”

I am pensive as I consider his words. “My son is one of those…rebel scum,” I tell him, waiting for his stunned reaction. He is silent, and in his mind I can sense the utter disbelief he is feeling.

“You have a son, my lord?” he manages at last, trying desperately not to sound too incredulous. “I had no idea.”

“Yes I do,” I reply.

“Well, I…congratulations then, Lord Vader,” he says stupidly, his face growing red with discomfort. I know his next question, the one he does not dare to ask, and answer it for him.

“His mother, my wife, died many years ago,” I say simply, the words still managing to create a stab of pain in my heart.

“My lord,” stammers Piett, at a loss for what to say. “I…I am truly sorry to hear it.” I can feel his sincerity, which is dangerously close to pity.

I turn to him, regretting having said anything. “Prepare my shuttle,” I say gruffly, anxious to change the subject, and then walk away.

“Right away, my lord,” Piett responds immediately.

I leave the bridge and make my way for the docking bay. Jerjerrod has no idea that I am coming, and I like it that way. The look on his face when I arrive will make this whole trip worthwhile.

I’m going to enjoy this… I can feel Jerjerrod’s increased heart rate even before the ramp reaches the docking bay floor. As I descend, I see his face, ashen, yet trying valiantly to appear happy to see me.

“Lord Vader!” he gushes. “This is an unexpected pleasure! We are honored by your presence!”

Oh this is too much…I wave him off. “You may dispense with the pleasantries, commander. I’m here to put you back on schedule.”

"I assure you, Lord Vader,” replies Jerjerrod, scurrying along beside me. “My men are working as fast as they can!”

“Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them,” I muse, enjoying the look of shock on his face.

“I tell you, this station will be operational as planned,” he states, trying to sound authoritative.

“The emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation,” I inform him.

“But he asks the impossible,” he replies petulantly. “I need more men!”

“Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives,” I return, relishing the stricken look on his face upon hearing my words.

“The emperor is coming here??” he asks with a sharp intake of breath.

“That is correct, Commander,” I tell him. “And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.”

“We shall double our efforts!” he decides at last.

“I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The emperor is not as forgiving as I am,” I reply, and then turn in leave him shaking in his boots.


It has been a tiring four weeks, and I am glad it is over. Yet, the task that awaits me now is even more demanding. I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge, however; so the thought of whipping these incompetent fools into shape rather appeals to me. I am tired, though, and need to sleep before I begin my newest assignment. Lord Sideous will be here in four short weeks, and I know that he is testing me this time. I cannot afford to let him down.

I am on Coruscant, in our home, sitting down with Padme at my side. She is glowing, radiant with her impending motherhood. She smiles as she takes my hand and places it on her round belly. Immediately I feel something…was that him? I ask her. She nods, her smile growing. The baby kicks again, stronger this time. Whoa! I exclaim. With a kick like that it must be a girl, I tease. Padme laughs. No, she says, running a hand over her belly lovingly. It’s a boy, I just know it…

I wake up, my heart aching. How I wish I could do away with dreams…they only serve to torture me, to remind me of all that I have lost. Yet, is this, in some way, her way of reaching out to me? Is she out there, somewhere, in the vastness of the Force, trying to be with me in the only way she can now? No… why would she want to be with you now? She would hate you now, that is certain.

I sit up; astonished to find my face wet with tears that I had believed myself incapable of shedding. Yet, in my despondency, a glimmer of hope suddenly materializes, and I hold on to it desperately. My son…I close my eyes, reach out to him, search for his luminous presence in the Force…it isn’t long before I find him. He is asleep...does his mother ever visit him in his sleep as she visits me? I wonder. I reach out to him, trying my best to be gentle; as I imagine a father should be…Luke…can you hear me my son? What is it that you dream of when you sleep? I can’t tell you how many times you are in my dreams, my son.. Though he does not respond, I know that he hears me, even in his sleep he and I are connected…suddenly he is awakened, and our connection is broken. Disappointed that he was yanked from me, I am still encouraged by our encounter, for I sensed in him an acceptance that was not there the last time we met. There is a bond there; it is unmistakable, one that even Sidious cannot break, one that shall mean the end to my enslavement to him forever.


Idiots…imbeciles…I am surrounded by them constantly…I quickly surmise why the construction of the Death Star is behind schedule- there is a crew of incompetent fools engaged in its assembly. When Jerjerrod said he needed more men, he ought to have said he needed more men with brains in their heads…

My own skills at fixing mechanical gadgets has come in handy, for there have been many an instrument malfunctioning due to the sheer ignorance of the so called craftsmen using them. I’ve made examples of more than a few men, their deaths going a long way towards increasing productivity. Within a week of my arrival, things are back on schedule. My master will be pleased, for he is counting on this Death Star to end the Rebellion once and for all. We shall see…

The docking bay is brimming with uniformed men, with an entire legion of clones in attendance as well. It is an impressive welcome for the master of the galaxy; he would expect no less. The tension is thick as the red robed guards take up their position. Jerjerrod stands with me, and we both kneel as the emperor begins his descent down the ramp. He seems older than the last time I saw him, walking now with the aid of a gnarled cane.

“Rise, my friend,” he tells me as he reaches the end of the ramp. We walk along in silence for a moment, each trying to size the other up. I sense him probing my mind, so I speak in order to deflect his attempt.

“The Death Star will be completed on schedule,” I inform him.

“You’ve done well, Lord Vader,” he remarks. “And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.”

I turn to him, startled at the ease with which he has read me. “Yes, my master,” I reply simply, realizing there is little point in denying it. Let him know this much at least…

“Patience, my friend,” he says, condescendingly. “In time he will seek you out, and when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown strong, only together can we turn him to the Dark Side of the Force.”

“As you wish,” I reply dutifully.

“Everything is proceeding as I had foreseen,” he gloats, laughing with delight.

Sidious seems pleased with the progress the men have made under my draconian supervision. In no time at all, he has ensconced himself in the grand throne room, surrounding himself with the trappings that come along with being master of the galaxy. I hate the group of courtiers than travel with him, a group of opportunistic sycophants, fawning on every word, satisfying every whim. They stand in the room watching me; I sense their discomfort in my presence, and it pleases me.

“What is thy bidding, my master?” I ask formally.

Sideous stands up and approaches me. “Send the fleet to the far side of Endor,” he orders. “There it will stay until called for.”

“What of the reports of the Rebel Fleet massing near Sullust?” I ask him.

“It is of no concern,” he replies dismissively. “Soon the Rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the command ship and await my orders.”

Dismissed again…damn you Sidious...you and your secrets...
“Yes, my master,” I say, bowing dutifully.

I leave the throne room, only too happy to go. The thought of returning to the Executor is a welcoming one, for at least there I am master. Why is he sending me away? He knows me well enough to know how I loathe waiting, how I detest sitting around doing nothing. It is yet another way of putting me in my place, no doubt; he is reminding me yet again that I exist only to serve him, and to be ready to do so at any time. This will change very soon, I vow as I ride the turbo lift to the docking bay. Soon Luke and I will put an end to your reign, Sidious, and repay you for the years of enslavement and lies…

The mood on the Executor is one of expectation. Having issued the orders to assemble the fleet on the far side of the moon, I join Piett on the bridge.

“It is good to have you back, my lord,” he tells me. I know he means it; he is one of the few men who see me as a human being.

“Thank you, Piett,” I reply. “It’s good to be back. I take it everything here is running smoothly?”

Piett nods. “Yes, milord. We’ve been monitoring the crews heading to the moon. So far things have been pretty quiet.”

I nod my understanding. “I can’t help but think that the rebels will be trying something very soon,” I tell him. “Be sure your men verify every code, Piett. We cannot risk even the smallest error.”

“Understood, milord,” replies Piett. “Is there any particular reason we are waiting en masse this way?”

I sigh, wishing I could give him an answer. “I believe the emperor has a plan,” I reply. “We are to wait for his command.”

“Of course,” replies Piett. “We’ll be ready, sir.”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 9

Days pass by, with only the tedium of the day to day running of a star destroyer to pass the time. Below us on the forest moon there is a constant stream of shuttles bringing work crews and soldiers. I envy them having something to do, something useful to occupy them with. As I watch the moon below, I am tempted to go down to the moon myself to inspect the situation, when suddenly I am struck by something...a tremor in the Force. I walk over to the monitoring station where Piett is standing behind a technician. A shuttle is waiting for clearance- and I am certain that Luke is on it.

“Where is that shuttle going?” I ask.

Piett leans forward and activates the comm switch. “Shuttle Tyderrian, what is your cargo and destination?”

A disembodied voice responds at once. “Parts and technical crew for the forest moon.”

I consider this for a moment. “Do they have a code clearance?” I ask suspiciously.

Piett looks up at me and nods. “It’s an older code sir, but it checks out. I was about to clear them.”

I look up, out at the shuttle, my son’s presence clear to me as a bright Tatooine sun. He is here…and he knows that I am close...

“Shall I hold them?” asks Piett.

I turn back to him. “No,” I reply at last. “Leave them to me. I will deal with them myself.”

“As you wish, milord,” he answers. “Carry on,” he instructs the technician.

I return to my vantage point and watch as the shuttle makes is approach to the moon, and then disappears into the foliage below. Then I turn and leave the bridge.

I feel it necessary to tell Sidious what has transpired, though I am quite certain he already knows. He is mistrustful of me since he learned of the existence of my son, and I cannot give him any reason to suspect me of any duplicity. Reporting my son’s presence will hopefully throw him off the scent, and make me look like the dutiful apprentice he believes me to be.

I return to the Death Star, excited and yet apprehensive to deliver this news. I enter the throne room. Sidious is alone, for a change, with his back to me as he sits in his throne, surveying the scene outside his large window.

“I told you to remain on the command ship,” I hear him say, his voice edged with anger.

“A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor,” I tell him.

He slowly swings his chair around to face me. “Yes, I know,” he replies confidently.

“My son is with them,” I add, enjoying the reaction I sense in him. He didn’t know!

“Are you sure?” he asks, his yellow eyes narrowing suspiciously.

I cannot help but allow myself a brief moment of triumphant pride. “I have felt him, my master.”

Sidious is not pleased with my answer. “Strange that I have not,” he replies icily. He leans forward in his chair. “I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader.”

“They are clear, my master,” I reply at once, reproaching myself for the brief moment of egotism.

“Then you must go to the Sanctuary Moon and wait for him,” is his reply.

Time to boost the old man’s ego… “He will come to me?” I ask, managing to sound sufficiently incredulous.

Sidious is pleased, and sits back in his throne. “I have foreseen it,” he replies calmly. “His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you, and then you will bring him before me.”

“As you wish,” I reply, bowing before him.

Sidious turns back to the window, dismissing me. I leave his presence, my heart full of anticipation as I go to meet my son.

Night has fallen on the forest moon as my shuttle lands. The platform seems out of place amid the verdant splendor that surrounds it, and it makes me feel that we have no business here, desecrating the native beauty of this moon. Yet, the Empire has its needs; who am I to question them?

I enter the glass walkway, leaving the troopers behind to wait in the lift. As I approach the end of the short corridor, the doors at the opposite end slide open, revealing a small band of soldiers, an officer whom I don’t recognize, and my son.

My son…he it dressed in black, as befits a Jedi Knight. He looks at me calmly, examining me inside and out. This is not the same brash youth I met on Bespin; he has matured in the months since we’ve seen one another. And what is more, I sense in him an acceptance of me. He doesn’t hate me...I realize to my own astonishment, and it confuses me. I look away from Luke as the officer addresses me.

“This is the rebel that surrendered to us,” he informs me. “Although he denies it, I believe there may be more of them, and request permission to conduct a further search of the area. He was armed only with this,” he concludes, handing me a lightsaber.

I take the weapon from him. “Good work, Commander,” I commend him. “Leave us. Conduct your search and bring his companions to me.”

I sense the surprise in Luke at my words. He is taken off guard, not knowing what to expect from me perhaps. Nor I you, my son…

Alone now, we start to walk down the corridor, side by side. We are silent for a few moments, neither one quite knowing what to say, both of us trying to feel the other out. I speak first.

“The emperor has been expecting you,” I tell him, watching him for a reaction.

“I know, Father,” he replies calmly. Father…

“So, you have accepted the truth?” I reply simply.

“I have accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father.”

Anakin Skywalker!!

My mind explodes; images and memories too painful to speak of are conjured up in my brain and the mere mention of that name…

“That name,” I retort angrily, pointing at my son with his own weapon, “no longer has any meaning for me!”

Luke remains nonplussed by my outburst. He stares at me, his eyes, so much like my own eyes, burning into my very soul. “It is the name of your true self, you’ve only forgotten!” he declares passionately. “I know there is good in you! The emperor hasn’t driven it from you fully.” He turns away from me now, leaning on the railing and gazing out into the night. “That was why you couldn’t destroy me. That is why you won’t bring me to your emperor now.”

His words have made me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to respond to them. How is it that he sees something in me that no one else has in 20 years? I am anxious now to change the subject, and look down at the lightsaber in my hand, admiring its craftsmanship.

“I see you have constructed a new lightsaber,” I say, igniting it. I examine the grip, impressed by my son’s skill. “Your skills are complete,” I tell him. I turn off the weapon, and turn away from him, suddenly disturbed by what all of this means. “Indeed, you are powerful, as the emperor has foreseen.”

Luke is silent for a moment, and then he speaks, his words reaching out to me. “Come with me,” he says simply. Though I stand with my back to him, I can feel his eyes boring into me, pleading with me.

I am silent, the conflicting emotions within me growing. This is not what I expected, this is not who I expected.

“Obi-Wan once thought as you do,” I tell him, remembering a time before my former master turned on me…. I turn around to face him, to add emphasis to my words. “You don’t know the power of the Dark Side. I must obey my master!”

Luke’s demeanor doesn’t change, and he stares at me steadfastly, almost as though he can see into my very soul. “I will not turn,” he replies calmly. “Then you’ll be forced to kill me.”

“If that is your destiny,” I reply, matching his calmness.

I sense the desperation in him now, his need to reach me somehow. “Search your feelings, Father!” he implores. “You can’t do this! I feel the conflict within you, let go of your hate!”

I sigh, saddened by his words. If only it were so easy…

“It is too late for me, son,” I tell him. This conversation has become too personal; he is touching nerves that I thought were l long dead. Time to end this, now. I signal for the troopers to come and take him away, unsure how much longer I can hide my emotions from him. “The emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your master now.”

Luke nods, considering my words. “Then my father is truly dead,” he replies, his blue eyes full of emotion, his heart heavy.

I watch him as he is taken away, his words like a knife in my heart. Perhaps he is at that, Luke…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 10

I allow the troopers to take my son away, back up to the Death Star. I remain on the moon until morning, planning to make an inspection of the bunker; but my mind is elsewhere and so I return to the Death Star ahead of schedule. I am anxious to get this over with, knowing my master is waiting for me to bring Luke to him. My heart is full of trepidation, not knowing what will transpire when they meet face to face. Luke is strong, but is he strong enough to resist Sidious? I was not…yet my situation was completely different...he led me to believe that I could save her…

An officer directs me to the holding cell where my son is. Jerjerrod is with him, for I hear the sound of his voice as I approach the cell. I stop to listen to the exchange.

“The Emperor and Vader have been expecting you for quite some time. How fortuitous that I should have the chance to bring you to them,” gloats Jerjerrod.

“Vader knows that I am here,” replies Luke calmly.

“That foolish sorcerer is of no concern to me. Once I deliver you to the Emperor, he might never be a concern of mine again,” retorts Jerjerrod. I grow angry at his words, his patronizing tone, and the simpering smirk I can picture on his face.

“You speak quite boldly outside of his presence,” is my son’s reply.

“I would choose my words carefully if I were you, Skywalker,” replies Jerjerrod testily. “Your trip to the Emperor could be made to be most unpleasant.”

“It's a pity you will not live to see it,” answers Luke evenly.

I hear the sound of a slap, and then Jerjerrod’s voice once again. “I do not think you are in quite the position to be posing threats, rebel.”

“It is no threat Lord Jerjerrod... I have foreseen it,” replies Luke.

Jerjerrod has no reply. I have heard enough, and enter the room. He is at the door, and nearly crashes into me as he prepares to leave. His face is ashen as he looks up at me, and takes a step back. My son appears to be enjoying the scene before him, his face calm with a hint of a smile on it.

“Going somewhere, Commander?” I ask him as I step closer to him.

His eyes dart nervously about, as though trying to formulate an escape plan.

“Lord Vader!” he squeals. “Uh...” he swallows hard, “I was hoping to see you here.... I... have brought Skywalker for you to... present to the Emperor.”

I raise my hand, having no patience left for his simpering lies. He immediately grabs his throat as he feels it constrict in my grip.

“Please, Lord Vader!” he gasps as he falls to his knees. “My Lord, I... I would never betray you...” he stops to gasp for air, on all fours now like an animal. “I... I only wish to serve... you, my Lord…” his eyes roll upward, and he collapses to the floor, dead.

“Your service has been appreciated, Commander...” I say, looking down with disgust at his dead form. I look up at Luke, who also stares at the dead body.

“Come,” I say simply. He looks up at me. “It is time.”

I sense the fear in him, but only for a moment, for he has learned control very well. He steps over Jerjerrod’s inert form and joins me.

Both of us are silent on the turbo lift, the tension between us palpable. Luke did not expect me to take it this far – I sense his disappointment that his faith in me was misplaced. His compassion for you will be his undoing...were the emperor’s words. I feel an ache in my heart when I realize that he was right. I caused the destruction of my beloved wife; will I now be the instrument of the destruction of our only child too?

We arrive at the throne room, and the turbo lift doors slide open. Luke’s stress level raises a notch, despite his best efforts to keep it in check. I notice him look around briefly, no doubt curious to see the monster who has kept me enslaved all these years.

Side by side we approach the stairs that lead to the throne, where Sidious sits waiting.

“Welcome, young Skywalker,” he says as Luke and I reach the top of the stairs. “I have been expecting you. You’ll no longer need those,” he says, referring to the binders on Luke’s wrists. With a slight movement of his hand, Sidious releases them, and the fall with a clatter to the floor. Luke stares up at the emperor, unafraid, defiant. “Guards, leave us,” he commands the red robed sentinels, who immediately do his bidding.

“I’m looking forward to completing your training,” continues Sidious. “In time, you will call me Master.”

Luke finally speaks. “You’re gravely mistaken,” he replies calmly. “You won’t convert me as you did my father.”

Sidious is not put off by Luke’s statement, and leaves his throne. “Oh no, my young Jedi,” he replies slowly as he approaches us. “You will find that it is you who are mistaken, about a great many things.”

“His lightsaber,” I say, handing the weapon to Sidious.

“Ah yes,” he replies, taking it from me. “A Jedi’s weapon. Much like your father’s. By now you must know your father can never be turned from the Dark Side. So will it be with you.”

“You’re wrong,” retorts Luke. I turn to look at him. “Soon I’ll be dead and you with me.”

“Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of the Rebel Fleet,” replies Sidious with dead calm. “Yes, I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.”

“Your overconfidence is your weakness,” declares Luke boldly. I turn to him again, shocked and yet somehow impressed by his audacity.

“Your faith in your friends is yours,” retorts Sidious as he takes his throne once again.

“It is pointless to resist, my son,” I tell Luke gravely.

“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design,” boasts Sidious now, seated up on his throne once again. “Your friends up there on the Sanctuary Moon are walking into a trap, as is your rebel fleet.” I turn to look at the emperor, loathing him for the enjoyment he was clearing getting out of my son’s torment.

“It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band! An entire legion of my best troops awaits them.” He leans forward, a look of mock pity on his wizened, malevolent visage. “Oh, I’m afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive!”

Sidious watches my son’s agony, his sinister smile growing with each passing moment. He notices my son’s gaze drifting towards the large windows that afford us a view of the battle raging on outside.

“Come boy,” he says, “see for yourself.” Luke and I step up the throne, me on one side, him on the other. He looks out the window, his pain and disappointment evident in the slump of his shoulders. Sidious continues his taunts. “From here you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant Rebellion.”

Luke turns and looks at me in his torment. I too have been watching the battle, but look down to meet my son’s gaze. His eyes are full of desperation, as they look down and find his lightsaber sitting on the armrest of the emperor’s throne. I can feel his hatred, his anger…he is weakening….Sidious knows it too…

“You want this, don’t you?” taunts the decrepit old man, his hand resting lightly on the saber. “The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger! With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant!”

I watch my son’s face, his valiant attempt to resist this evil thing before him. “No!” he says at last, trying to sound defiant, but not quite managing this time.

Sidious smiles, sensing victory is near. “It is unavoidable. It is your destiny! You, like your father, are now mine!”

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 11

Luke’s emotions are in turmoil as he stands, helplessly watching the rebel fleet being decimated by the vastly larger Imperial fleet.

“As you can see, my young apprentice,” continues Sidious, pushing the knife deeper, “your friends have failed. Now witness the fire power of this fully armed and operational battle station!” He activates the COM link on his armrest and barks a command. “Fire at will, Commander!”

Within seconds, a massive beam of energy bursts forth from the Death Star, blasting a nearby transport into oblivion. Luke is clearly shocked, for this was a secret well kept …even from me…I watch as the Death Star lashes out at the Rebel Fleet, blasting ships effortlessly while the fleet of star destroyers stands by. Luke stands with his back to us, staring in horror at the decimation.

“Your fleet is lost,” taunts Sidious. “And your friends on the Endor moon will not survive. The Alliance will die; as will your friends.”

At these words Luke turns back to us, his eyes full of hatred as he glares at Sidious. He glances up at me, as though seeking my aid.

“Good,” sighs Sidious as he closes his eyes. “I can feel your anger! I am defenseless. Take your weapon! Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!”

Luke turns away, the struggle within him mounting. I watch him, sensing that his breaking point is near. He turns back and with tremendous speed, his lightsaber leaps into his hand. It is ignited and swinging towards the emperor, when I stop it with my own blade. Sidious laughs, enjoying the obscene spectacle of a father and son about to engage in a mortal combat.

My son attacks me viciously, and with far greater strength then he exhibited on Bespin. He has me at the top of the stairs, and I lose my footing, tumbling down the stairs. Humiliated, I get to my feet as above my master laughs.

“Good!” he encourages Luke. “Use your aggressive feelings, boy! Let the hate flow through you!”

I walk to the foot of the stairs, and up at my son who has turned off his saber.

“Obi wan has taught you well,” I comment as I start up the stairs once again.

Luke watches me, but the hatred that I felt surging through him moments earlier is gone. He has controlled it. “I will not fight you, Father,” he tells me softly.

I am silent as I continue up the stairs to meet him, his words getting to me in a way I don’t like.

“You are unwise to lower your defenses,” I tell him and press the attack once again. Luke deflects my thrusts, and leaps backward to the catwalk above, turning off his saber once again. He looks down at me, a smile on his face.

“Your thoughts betray you, Father,” he tells me. “I feel the good in you, the conflict!”

“There is no conflict,” I lie.

“You couldn’t bring yourself to kill me before, and I don’t believe you’ll destroy me now,” he declares.

“You underestimate the power of the Dark Side,” I tell him, mustering the Darkness around me, immersing myself in it once again. “If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny!” I throw my own ignited saber towards the cables that hold up the catwalk, slicing through them easily. The catwalk collapses and Luke tumbles to the floor below as I head down the steps to meet him, summoning my saber back into my hand.

From behind me I can hear Sidious’s encouragement. “Good, good...” he says. Is that meant for me or for Luke? I wonder.

It is dark, and Luke is no where to be seen. “You cannot hide forever, Luke,” I tell him as I walk carefully among the control panels, the low ceiling threatening to hit my head.

“I will not fight you!” I hear him say. He is doing an effective job of hiding from me, not giving me any hint as to where he might be. I realize there is only on thing I can do to bring him out of his hiding. It almost sickens me to manipulate my son in the very manner that I was manipulated all those years ago, but I am desperate, and Luke is too stubborn. Just like his father…

“Give yourself to the Dark Side,” I tell him. “It is the only way you can save your friends.” That got him…. “Yes! Your thoughts betray you; your feelings are strong, especially for…” I stop, sensing in him something I had not expected, and I don’t understand what it means for a moment…and then it become clear to me…there were two….oh Padmé…

“Sister!” I proclaim, digging out his deepest secret. “So, you have a twin sister! Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete!” I can feel his anger mounting, his desperation to protect his sister filling him. “If you will not turn to the Dark Side,” I taunt, “then perhaps she will!”

“NEVER!!” screams my son, who comes out of no where, his lightsaber flashing. He attacks me relentlessly, his hatred pouring out of him, giving him more strength than he ever imagined. He pushes me back, my own strength weakening under his onslaught. I wasn’t prepared for this, didn’t think it was possible, but he means to kill me, I can see it in his eyes, feel it with every blow he reigns down on me. I am exhausted, weakened by the emotional blow that the existence of my daughter has given me, and yet he pushes me even harder, bringing his saber down on mine over and over again, knocking me to my knees. I grab on to the railing that edges the energy shaft for support, and he takes advantage of my momentary distraction by slicing his blade through my wrist, severing my hand. I scream in agony, the pain incredibly real despite the fact that the hand I just lost was mechanical. I hold up my other hand in a gesture of defeat, my lungs feeling as though they are about to collapse, my breath coming hard. Luke stops his eyes ablaze with anger and hatred as Sidious’ voice is heard behind us. He is laughing…

“Good!!” he shouts encouragingly. “Your hate has made you powerful! Now fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side!”

You bastard… I think to myself. You’ve used me all along…

I look up at my son, seeing the horror in his face as he looks at his own black gloved hand, the replacement of the one I severed at Bespin, and then he looks at stump where my hand had been. He doesn’t want to be like me…he hates what I have become…can I blame him for that?

Finally Luke straightens up and turns to face Sidious. “Never,” he declares proudly. “I’ll never turn to the Dark Side! You’ve failed your highness! I am a Jedi, as my father was before me.”

I feel tears welling up in my eyes, so proud am I of my son…and so ashamed of myself. The grin on Sidious’ face fades, and his face twists with anger. “So be it,” he says simply. “Jedi.” He walked towards Luke slowly, his eyes not leaving my son for an instant. I can feel the anger in him, the raw hatred. He has always hated the Jedi; Luke is certainly no exception. “If you will not be turned,” continues Sidious menacingly. “You will be destroyed!”

Out of his fingertips, the emperor shoots blue bolts of pure energy, hammering Luke to the floor. He grabs onto a metal canister to keep from falling down he energy shaft as the bolts subside momentarily. I struggle to my feet, dazed and weakened, and walk to the emperor’s side.

“Young fool,” continues Sidious. “Only now at the end do you understand.” He sentence is punctuated with another blast of energy. “Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side!” Luke is on the floor writhing, his agony reaching out to me in mine. “You will pay the price for your lack of vision!” continues Sidious, prolonging my son’s agony, and enjoying each moment of it.

Luke looks towards me, imploring me. “Father, please!” he begs me, barely able to speak. “Help me!!”

My heart aches as I watch, wishing I knew what to do, knowing that my own life was forfeit if I were to intervene. The bombardment has ceased for the moment, perhaps as Sidious gathers his strength; it also gives me a chance to gather mine.

“Now, young Skywalker,” Sidious tells my son, “you will die.”

I look at him, then back at my son whose body is now under attack once again. The intensity of the pain has increased, yet he still manages to call out to me. I turn back to the monster beside me, seeing him truly for the first time. This is not the man who mentored me as a youth, who befriended me and encouraged me when no one else would; that man never existed, for it was all just an evil plan. He has used me all my life, and it is because of him that I have lost everyone I have ever loved.

Not this time… I decide, realizing for the first time that I love my son, that I would do anything to save him, even if it means my own life. Without another moment’s hesitation, I pick up the emperor, the energy bolts now hitting me, his shrieks deafening in my ears; but I do not stop. I must destroy this thing, as it should have been destroyed many years ago. I am in agony, the pain filling my entire being, yet I know what I must do as I continue to struggle against the pain, against my own weakening body. Finally I reach the edge of the energy shaft, and throw the emperor into the bottomless abyss.

He screams all the way down, the energy filling the chasm and blowing up into the throne room. I collapse at the edge, utterly spent. Perhaps it would be better if I followed him to my own death…yet my son is at my side in an instant, pulling me back, cradling me in his arms. I lean back against him, unable to speak, but knowing that words are not necessary. I feel Luke take my hand and squeeze it, and in that simple gesture, the love he feels for me flows over me. I am redeemed…

“We have to get off the Death Star,” says Luke at last. “The Alliance will succeed, Father- we have to leave at once.”

I know he is right, but doubt that I have the strength to walk to the docking bay. I realize there is only one option left for me.

“You go, Luke,” I tell him, barely able to get the words out. I feel as though my lungs are being crushed, my breathing laborious. “I can’t come with you, son…I haven’t the strength to.”

Luke will hear none of this. “I will help you, Father,” he says, standing up, and doing his best to help me to my feet. “I won’t leave you here!! Don’t even think of it.”

I struggle to my feet, sensing how desperately Luke wants to help me. But I know now that it is too late for anyone to do that…

“Luke,” I tell him as he puts his around my waist and drapes my arm over his shoulders. “I’m finished…don’t risk your own life for nothing.”

Luke says nothing, but starts to direct me out of the throne room, struggling under the dead weight of my weakening body. In his mind I see his fear, not for himself, but rather for me, and it moves me. My heart aches with the regrets that flood through me, the guilt of a lifetime spent in Darkness, denying the truth of who I truly am. And what of my daughter? I believe I know who she is, and if I am correct, then I know that she must despise me utterly for all the pain I have inflicted up on her and those whom she loves. Forgive me, Leia…

We have reached the docking bay. Men are running everywhere, panic stricken as pandemonium sweeps through the Death Star. None pay attention to us as we struggle for the last shuttle. Luke is exhausted, supporting my full weight on his small frame. Finally I collapse, my strength sapped completely. Death is near, I know it now. Luke is desperate to save me, and drags me to the ramp of the shuttle, where he too collapses, perspiring and exhausted. He looks at me, his breath coming hard, his face mirroring the despair within him.

“We’re almost there, Father,” he tells me as he gulps for air. “We have to get out of here! The medical frigate is close by…they will help you.”

I shake my head slowly. “No, Luke,” I tell him. “It’s too late for that. Save yourself, son. Don’t hesitate another moment.”

Tears fill my son’s eyes as he shakes his head vehemently. “I’m not leaving you!” he cries. “Do you hear? I won’t lose you now, Father! Not after all we’ve gone through, not after all the time we’ve spent apart! I need you too much to let you go now!”

I feel tears fill my own eyes. How I wish things could be different! The regret is bitter as it fills me, brings back to mind all those who I have loved and lost in my life. The last moments of my mother’s life come to my mind now, as I enter the last moments of my own. I remember her final words to me, her need to say them before she left me.

I struggle to sit, aided by my son. I reach out to him with my remaining hand and pull him close so he can hear me.

“I…I love you, Luke,” I tell him, my voice barely a whisper. “I want you to know that before…”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupts me, struggling to keep his composure. “Now come,” he says, standing up and trying to pull me to my feet. I want so much to be there for him, to guide him, teach him all the things I know now; to somehow make up for all the lost time; but I fear that it isn’t to be. Yet I allow him to help me onto the shuttle. The Death Star will be annihilated any moment now, and I must make sure he isn’t aboard when it happens.

Luke makes sure I am reasonably comfortable and then takes the controls of the shuttle. I feel us lift off and then swiftly move out of the docking bay doors. I am fading quickly, my life force ebbing. I close my eyes, surrendering to the inevitable when I hear a voice.

“Anakin…”

I am startled by the voice. No one has called me by my true name for more than 20 years. I know that voice though.

“Ani,” it repeats. “Open your eyes.”

I obey, as I once obeyed this voice. I was a small boy at the time; yet this man had more impact on my life then he ever knew.

“Qui-Gon?” I whisper, hardly able to speak. I see his shimmering image before me now, his face benevolent and calm, just as I remembered from so many years ago.

“Yes, Ani,” he replies. “It is me. You remember your old master then?” he adds with the wry grin he wore so often.

I nod.

“You cannot give up, Anakin,” he tells me, serious once again. “Luke needs you, the galaxy needs you. You must survive this, Ani. You can do it, you must.”

I close my eyes, not having even the strength to reply to him, but words are not needed. He knows my thoughts, and I his. I take heart in his words, grasp onto the small glimmer of hope that they stir in me. I drift into unconsciousness as the specter of my old master keeps watch over me, as he has done, I suspect for many years.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 12

My earliest memories are of being beaten by the minions of Gardula the Hutt, my owner. I had broken something, accidentally of course, and she was enraged by my clumsiness. I was 3…I remember my mother holding me all night, doing her best to comfort me…

My mother…the harshness of my childhood didn’t seem quite so bad because of her. I don’t know if she had been a slave all her life, she never wanted to talk about her life before I was born. I only know that she existed for me, dedicating her life solely to my well being. I remember the day I left Tatooine with Qui-Gon Jinn; how stoic she was. I was everything to her, and yet she willingly gave me up so that I might realize my dream of becoming a Jedi. There was never a time when she put herself before me, and in the end, it was only the sight of my face that allowed her to know peace in her death…

“You look so handsome. My son...my grown-up son. I'm so proud of you, Annie... so proud... I missed you so much... I love...”[/b]

I drift into semi-consciousness, open my eyes. My son is at my side, his face strained with worry and fear. He is talking to the medical droids, I cannot hear what they are saying…I close my eyes and surrender once again to the weakness that floods my body…

Life as the slave of Watto was not so bad. I had always been fascinated by mechanical gadgets, so being the slave boy to a junk dealer had its upside. I think it was my ability to fix just about anything saved my life more than once. The tight fisted Toydarian had a nasty temper, and the only thing he seemed to love was money. Yet, working in his junk shop was a lot of fun for me, surrounded by mechanical gadgets, always something to be fixed. The days passed pretty quickly. And then there was the day that an angel walked into the shop…my Angel…

"Are you an angel?”
“What”?
“An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They live on the Moons of Iego I think. They are the most beautiful creatures in the universe.”
“You're a funny little boy. How do you know so much?”

Ten years without seeing her, yet not a day went by without the vision of her face in my mind, the sound of her voice in my ears.

“Ani? My but you’ve grown!”
“So have you…more beautiful that is…”

Spending time with her, alone on Naboo for all those weeks was sweet torture. Just being in her presence made my heart race, my senses come alive. We fell in love on Naboo…or perhaps it was there that we finally admitted to our feelings. We tried to fight them, but it was no use. There was a bond there that was unmistakable, undeniable and we had no choice but to surrender to it. So on one warm evening we were married in a secret ceremony, with only 2 droids as our witnesses. It was the happiest moment of my life…

“Father, Father can you hear me?”

I open my eyes. I try to speak, but am unable to. I nod weakly.

“Father the medics want to try to help you,” explains Luke as he takes my hand. “They say you might not survive the surgery though,” he adds, his eyes reflecting his feelings. “I want you to know that before they try. There really isn’t any choice, father…you…you won’t survive much longer if we don’t do something.”

I squeeze Luke’s hand, telling him silently that I understand. I don’t expect to live much longer...didn’t really expect I’d live this long…but I sense his need to try to save me. I close my eyes again and drift off once again.

I am on Naboo again, in a field of wild flowers, with Padmé. We are sitting amid the tall grass, the hot sun beating down on us over head. In the distance is the sound of the water rushing over a cliff into the river below. Yet of these things I am oblivious, for the vision of her face is all that I see. She is my world, my universe... The tendrils of her hair blow about her face in the gentle breeze, her smile brighter then the sun high above us. My heart aches with love for her…yet I cannot have her…it is forbidden for me to love her…and yet I do love her! She laughs at me as I try to ride on one of the beasts grazing in the nearby meadow…I think it was called a shaak…I am successful at first, but the beast is stronger than I had anticipated, and it throws me off and runs off. I lie on the ground, weak with laughter, as she runs over, calling my name. She thinks I am hurt, and when she finds me laughing, she smiles with relief and hits me. I grab her wrists, and we roll in the grass, laughing, our bodies close...

Such happiness…such innocence…how was it all destroyed? Infected...that is what happened...infected with the cancer that is the Dark Side….what might have been is what tortures me now, what could have been had I not been too weak to resist the lure of the Darkness…

I see my wife, rocking our baby to sleep, her face serene, and her voice melodic and gentle as she sings to the infant. I watch, mesmerized by the scene…suddenly there is a cry from the bassinet, and she looks up at me.

“Will you pick her up, Ani?” she asks.

I nod, and walk over to the bassinet. I pick up my daughter, Leia, and hold her close, speaking to her in soothing tones. Padmé watches me, a smile on her face. Soon both of our infants are asleep, and we lay them side by side in their bassinets. I put my arm around my wife as we watch our sleeping children, utterly happy.

But that isn’t the way things happened…that isn’t they way your life turned out…you destroyed her, the best thing in your life, you destroyed her and her love for you…the only woman who could love you and you killed her… “It seems in your anger, you killed her…”

The agony is immeasurable, crippling….how could I have done it? How could I have turned against her the way I did? She was the only good thing in my life, the only person who could keep me from becoming …the thing that I became…oh Padmé …my beautiful Padmé …I lost my soul when I lost you…

I can feel myself drifting…perhaps towards death this time…unable to stop the motion that carries me forward, helpless to fight it, not even certain I would if I could…

I am aware of voices in the room, though I am unable to determine what they are saying. I feel the presence of my son; it comforts me, much like that of his mother had once done. I struggle to open my eyes, but I am too weak; the drugs that are filling my bloodstream are too strong and keep me a prisoner still. I try to reach out to Luke, but even that is a challenge. Somehow he hears me, and in an instant he is at my side. I feel him take my hand, hear his voice, the comforting tones; yet it is his thoughts that speak to me.

You made it! He tells me, the relief and happiness clear.

So far...I tell him, not wishing to get his hopes up.

The first hurdle, he tells me, and the hardest. You can do this, father...I know you can.

I try to smile at my son’s blind optimism. Perhaps..is my only reply, before I drift off again.

I didn’t learn to swim until I was almost 10 years old- somehow being immersed in water always seemed so unnatural and more than a little frightening to me. Yet it was a necessary part of my Jedi training, and so I was required to learn. I remember one occasion before I had mastered the skill when I had nearly drowned. The sensation of struggling to reach the surface of the water is one I shall never forget, nor the amused expression on my master’s face when I finally made it to the surface, gasping for air and sputtering. He always seemed to take a grim pleasure in my failures, probably because it made him feel superior.

I am reminded of that day now, for the disturbing feeling of semi-consciousness has me struggling just as I did on that day so long ago. I hear voices of others around me, both human and droid. Something I am cognizant of even in my highly sedated state is the changes in my body. The mask is gone...the breathing apparatus that sustained my life for more than two decades is gone. How is this possible? Sidious assured me that the only way I could live at all was with complete artificial support, the injuries I incurred on Mustafar being far too serious to be repaired. Another lie…there seems to be no end to his treachery. No doubt having me half machine served his dark purposes far more effectively than if I had remained intact...and fully human.

Attuned to my every thought, Luke is at my side now.

“Can you hear me, Father?” he asks.

I try to open my eyes, to see my son for the first time with my own eyes, but it is too difficult. I turn my head to face him, to let him know that I do hear him, though I’m certain he already knows.

“I know you are trying, Father,” he tells me, taking my hand. “In time you have the strength to open your eyes, to talk to us, even to walk out of this room.”

I want to believe what he is telling me, but it all seems too good to be true. How is it that after more than twenty years living I am able to live without the confines of my artificial life support? I summon my strength to ask him a question, and manage but one word.

“How?” I ask him.

“The miracle of medical science,” replies Luke. “The same technology that creates clones is being used to regenerate human cells, organs and limbs that have been damaged beyond repair; like yours.”

But the technology to clone humans has existed for more than 20 years…the Imperial army is living proof of that. Does that mean that 20 years ago it was possible to regenerate human tissue the way that my son is describing? And if so, why wasn’t that treatment made available to me? I think I know the answer to that, and it sickens me to consider it.

I focus my strength, allowing the power of the Force to flow through me. No longer fuelled by hatred, by anger and fear, its power is soothing, calming, like a balm on my shattered body and soul. I feel it fill me, and I am overwhelmed, as though being reunited with a long lost love. I open my eyes, and look up at Luke, as though seeing him for the first time. He smiles at me, tears shrouding his own eyes, which are so much like mine, like my mother’s.

“That is...” I stop, unsure even of what word to use. “That is incredible,” I say, my voice barely audible. Luke nods.

“It is,” he agrees.

I lift my hands to examine them, astonished to see once again human hands instead of robotic appendages. I turn them over; flex my fingers, as though trying to prove to myself that this is really happening. I had lived so long with prosthetics; I almost forget what it feels like to have human hands. Even on my wedding day, one of my hands was artificial; yet she was not repulsed by it or its touch upon her silken skin.

Slowly I bring my hands to my face, half hopeful, half dreading what I will find. It has been more than twenty years since I have been able to look at my face without horror; the ravages of Mustafar having left it something less than human. I had once been a handsome man, in my youth; that all changed when the fires of Mustafar consumed me. Expecting to feel nothing but disfigurement, I am shocked to feel the smoothness of new skin. I look up at Luke in amazement.

“You no longer bear the scars of your accident, Father,” he tells me. “In time you will even grow back your hair.”

“I can’t believe it...” I whisper, afraid that I will wake up to find this all a dream. “This is …beyond belief.”

Luke nods, immensely pleased with my recovery. “You are …so young, Father,” he comments. “So much younger than I had expected. How old are you?”

I think for a moment. “I’m …44,” I reply. “Yes, it’s been 22 years since Mustafar, and I was 22 when it happened.”

“Is Mustafar where you and Obi-Wan fought?” he asks.

I look up at him, knowing that he is bursting with questions. No doubt he had been told many lies about his parentage.

I nod. “Yes,” I reply. “He told you about that, did he?” I ask, watching my son’s reaction.

Luke nods in reply. He wants to ask me something, but I can sense his hesitation, and it makes me wonder what it was that the old man told him. He had told Luke that I in fact killed his father; I have to wonder what other falsehoods he has filled my son’s head with.

“Yes he did,” Luke replies at last. “But only after I had confronted him about why he lied about you, why he hadn’t told me the truth about my father.”

“And what reason did he give?” I ask.

“He said that from his point of view you, that is Vader, did kill Anakin Skywalker,” replies Luke.

I sigh, frowning at his answer. Kenobi always did have a way of twisting things around to suit his own purposes.

“I see,” I reply. “Anything else?”

Luke averts his eyes, obviously uncomfortable with what is on his mind.

“What else did he tell you, son?” I ask.

Luke looks at me, his eyes troubled. “He told me that…that you killed my mother.”

His words hit me hard, sapping me of my strength. I close my eyes, wishing I knew what to say to my son at this point.

“Tell me that too is a lie,” Luke implores. “Tell me you didn’t do it, Father!”

I open my eyes and look up at my son. “There is so much you have to understand Luke,” I tell him patiently. “So much more than Kenobi has told you. I didn’t kill her; but I know she died because of me.”

Luke frowns, puzzled and distressed by my statement. “I don’t understand,” he says slowly. “If she died because of you, then you must have ...”

He is interrupted by the appearance of the medical droid who has come to check on me.

“Commander Skywalker,” it admonishes, “You must leave your father alone for now. He needs his rest.”

Luke is disappointed that he is being put off, but nods his understanding.

“I will be back later,” he tells me. “And you can tell me everything then.”

I nod. “Bring your sister,” I tell him. “She will need to hear this as well.”

“I will,” he tells me. “Rest now, Father.”

I watch Luke leave the room as the medical droid starts its examination of me. Its bedside manner leaves something to be desired; but I suppose I can’t expect much warmth from a droid. Not many droids have a personality, in fact I have only known two in my life that have had one; a protocol droid I built myself, C3P0, and the little astromech R2-D2 who saved my life more than once during the Clone Wars.

“Sleep will do you good,” pronounces the droid as it finishes its examination. “I suggest you get some.”


I nod my understanding, knowing that sleep will no doubt evade me now. Luke’s question has left me shaken, the fact that Kenobi is the one who put the idea in his head troubles me even more. Has he spent the last 20 years turning my son against me? Filling his head with falsehoods and his ‘version’ of the truth? I feel the anger rise within me, and it troubles me that the thought of my old master can still affect me this way. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but our last encounter was rather short, for I was too anxious to repay him for what he did to me at Mustafar. I must let go of the anger...must let go of the resentment…that is what destroyed me in the past…it is not so easy, though, and I begin to wonder if it would have been easier for all if I had not survived Sideous’ assault at all…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 13

Sleep does come at last, but it is restless, rife with dreams and disturbing visions conjured up by the unsettling conversation with my son.

I see my beloved Padmé, her angelic face tense with worry and fear, begging me to come away with her, to turn back from the path of Darkness I have embarked upon. But I don’t listen to her, I turn on her, like a vicious animal, for she is not alone- she has brought Kenobi with her. Feelings of jealousy, of betrayal and resentment flare up within me, dangerous and incendiary, like the molten rivers that flow ceaselessly over the surface of this God forsaken planet. I am certain that she has brought him here to kill me, certain that they have conspired against me, and it breaks my heart to think that the two people I love most have turned on me this way. I reach out with the Force, meaning to choke her, to stop the lies…

I am woken up by the gentle shaking of my arm. My eyes snap open; I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as the images from my dream fade to black. I see my son standing there, a look of concern on his face. He is alone.

“You were having a nightmare,” explains Luke. “You were shouting, calling a name over and over.”

“What name was that?” I ask, though certain that I already know.

“Padmé,” responds my son. “You’ve said it before. Who is that? Is it a place?”

I look up at him. “Padmé was the name of your mother, Luke,” I tell him.

He nods his understanding, silently digesting this information.

“Your sister is not here,” I note, not terribly surprised.

“No,” replies Luke, somewhat apologetically. “She…she isn’t ready yet, Father...I’m sorry.”

“I’m not surprised, son,” I tell him. “I know how hard this must be for her to accept.”

“She will, though,” responds Luke hopefully. “I’m sure she will in time. It’s all been so recent for her, I mean…she only found out that...well that...”

“That her arch enemy is actually her father?” I say, filling in the rest.

Luke looks uncomfortable, not knowing how to respond.

“I can only imagine how she feels,” I reply. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you either, Luke. To be honest, I’m surprised at how forgiving and accepting of me you have been.”

Luke smiles. “I’ve wanted to know my father all my life,” he replies. “I grew up feeling that a part of me was somehow missing because I never had the chance to know you- I’m not about to miss the opportunity now.”

I smile at my son. “You remind me of your mother,” I tell him. “She always managed to see the good in others when no one else could.”

“Tell me about her,” Luke says. “Tell me about you…about your life together. How did you meet? What was she like?”

“Where should I begin?” I ask, sitting up.

“From the beginning,” suggests Luke. “How did you meet? Where?”

I take a moment to gather my thoughts.

“I was nine years old when I first met your mother,” I tell him. “I was a slave, along with my mother, living on Tatooine. We belonged to a junk dealer, a Toydarian named Watto. I used to work in his shop; he found me useful since I was always very good at fixing things. One day some offworlders came into the shop, looking for parts to fix the hyperdrive on a Naboo cruiser- your mother was among them.” I stop as I recall the first time I saw her face, and smile at the memory. “I asked her if she was an angel, for I had never seen a girl so beautiful in my life. She was fourteen, and though I didn’t know it at the time, the queen of Naboo, disguised as one of her handmaidens for her own protection. Even though we were but children, there was a connection between us, even from the beginning. Not a day would go by after that one that her face was not in my dreams.”

I stop for a moment, remembering her smile, remembering her gentle way. How I wish she could have lived to see our children grow into the remarkable young people they have become…how proud she would have been of them, just as I am. I press on, knowing my son needs answers. “I knew that they needed help, and my owner was not the type to offer it, not without a substantial reward; so I did what I could to help them. I offered to give them the prize money that I was certain I could win in the podrace that was taking place the next day.”

Luke’s eyes grow wide at this point. “You raced in the pod races??” he asks incredulously.

I nod. “Yes, even as a boy I was quite a pilot and the only human who had ever raced. At any rate, I won the race, enabling them to get the parts they needed to fix their ship. I didn’t know at the time that one of them, a Jedi Knight named Qui-Gon Jinn, had also gambled with Watto for my freedom. He saw in me qualities that he believed would make me a Jedi one day. It broke my heart to leave my mother, for Qui-Gon had not been able to secure her freedom. But I knew that my destiny was to be a Jedi, and so I left Tatooine, leaving my mother behind. I would live to regret leaving her alone that way…”

I stop at this point, the memory of her standing there in front of our small abode as I walk away burned forever in my mind. I knew how much she was hurting, how hard it was for her to let me go; yet she was so utterly selfless that she would not have had it any other way. My son waits for me to continue patiently.

“What about your father?” asks Luke. “What did he do? Was he also a slave?”

I look at my son, wondering how to tell him what I never completely understood myself. “I...I had no father, Luke,” I tell him. “My mother was the only parent I ever had.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” is his reply.

“I know.”

“So what are you saying, then?” he asks.

“My mother simply became pregnant with me. Qui-Gon told me later that it was because I was the one the Jedi had prophesized about, the Chosen One who would bring balance to the Force. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

My son is silent for a moment as he tries to comprehend the mystery of my origins; something I have never quite been able to grasp myself.

“That's incredible, father. The pressure that you must have felt to succeed even as a young child must have been enormous,” he comments at last.

“I always knew that my destiny was to accomplish something of significance- until I met Qui Gon I didn’t know what that was,” I reply.

“I wish I had met this Qui Gon, you obviously had a lot of respect for him,” comments Luke.

“He was a great man, Luke- a kind and wise man. I often think that...well, wonder what might have been had he lived to guide me longer,” I reply wistfully.

“So when he died, that's when Obi Wan took over as your mentor?” he asks.

I nod in reply. “Yes- Qui Gon was convinced that I was the chosen one of Jedi prophesy, and even though the Jedi council refused to sanction my training, he took me on as his padawan learner- as he lay dying he made Obi-Wan promise to train me, and I suppose Kenobi felt compelled to do so.”

“So when did you reconnect with my mother? You said that you met her as a child, were you already a Jedi when your paths crossed again?” asks Luke.

“Not yet, I was still a padawan. It wasn’t until 10 years later that we met again- during those ten years she served two terms as Queen of Naboo, and then subsequently became senator of that planet. Obi- Wan and I were assigned to protect her, as several attempts had been made on her life,” I remember.

“By whom?” asks Luke.

“That was part of our assignment; you see she opposed a radical motion to create an army for the Republic. This was a time when many star systems had become discontent with being a part of the Republic, and were agitating for separation. It was a volatile time, the Republic was slowly crumbling; your mother was one of the few politicians who had integrity and honesty in a time of corruption. In many ways your sister reminds me of Padmé; her devotion to justice, her crusading nature. Your mother would be so proud of you both.”

I stop for a moment, my memories of her threatening to flood my mind. I push them away for the moment, and continue my narrative.

“Coruscant was deemed too dangerous, so I took her to her home planet of Naboo, to protect her. We stayed in her family’s estate in the Lake District, where it was remote and safe. We were there for weeks, alone except for the servants who worked on the estate. As a Jedi it was forbidden for me to have attachments; yet there was nothing I could do about the way I felt about her.”

“And did she feel the same way about you?” asks my son.

I smile. “She did- though she was far better at keeping her emotions in check- she was the rational one, never letting me forget the impossible nature of such a relationship.”

Luke states, “But obviously she eventually changed her mind about that.”

I nod. “Yes, it was impossible for us to deny how we felt- I felt a connection with her the moment I first met her, and not a day had gone by in the ten years we'd been apart that I hadn’t thought of her- so we were married in a secret ceremony on Naboo, in complete defiance of all the rules and regulations the Jedi order had imposed on me - we thought we could live a secret life; but we would eventually be destroyed by the secret we had tried so hard to keep.”

"Destroyed?” asks Luke, a frown on his face.

“Yes Luke, destroyed...not right away, we knew much happiness together- and though our time together was so short, it was the happiest of my life,” I tell him, smiling at the memory.

“So no one knew about your relationship? Not even Obi Wan?” he asks.

“The servants in Padme’s household, but that was all- we didn’t dare tell anyone, I would have been expelled from the Order, your mother's career as a senator would have ended in scandal,” I explain.

Luke seems confused at this point. “But obviously at some point she became pregnant...is that when your secret became known? Were you expelled from the order because of me? Is that what caused you to...”

He stops, perhaps not wanting to fill in the rest, perhaps afraid to learn something to terrible.

“I wasn’t expelled from the Order, Luke,” I tell him cryptically. “I remember the day she told me she was pregnant so well- it was during the Clone Wars, and we hadn’t seen one another for nearly 6 months. When I came home to Coruscant she told me. She was afraid, knowing that it was going to be impossible to keep our secret for much longer; but I was elated. I somehow felt that everything would work out, that our child was a blessing, and that it would mean nothing but happiness for us.”

“So you were happy about me, about us?” asks Luke tentatively.

I smile at him. “That day was the happiest one of my life, Luke.”

He seems pleased to hear it. “So what happened?” he asks.

I am silent, the memory of the short time I had with my beloved angel conjuring up emotions in my heart that had long since been dormant. My son is silent as well. How I wish the story ended differently; how I wish I could tell him something other than the truth- but he deserve to know, for no doubt he has spent his life listening to lies and half truths. Yet, I cannot help but wonder if he will be as forgiving and compassionate of me once he learns of the part I played in his mother’s death.

“That very night,” I continue at last, “I had a terrifying dream. I had learned to fear my dreams, for they often proved to be portents of the future. I dreamed of the death of my mother. I had dreamed for weeks of her being in pain. When I finally went to Tatooine to find her, she was a prisoner of a band of Tuskens, who had brutalized her and kept her captive for weeks. She died in my arms,” I stop the emotions too strong to continue. I close my eyes, as I relive the agony of that moment…hear my mother’s words in my mind as the life slips away from her.

“I'm sorry,” says Luke softly. I look up at him, summoning my courage to continue.

“I dreamed of your mother dying in childbirth,” I say at last. “I became obsessed with saving her, so terrified that I would lose her the way I had lost my mother.”

“How did you hope to save her?” asks Luke.

“At first it seemed hopeless,” I reply. “I couldn’t tell anyone; no one knew that we were married, at least not anyone who could help me. And then out from a most unexpected source, I found a glimmer of hope.”

“Where?”

“A man, who had been a mentor and a friend to me for years, since I was a boy, told me a story about a Sith Lord who had learned how to prevent the ones he loved from dying, because of his knowledge of the Dark Side of the Force,” I tell him.

“Was that Palpatine?” asks Luke.

“Yes , it was him,” I reply, frowning when I think of how he used me, how he pretended to care about my well being when all along he was just waiting to turn me into his slave…

“He was the Chancellor of the Republic at this time,” I continue. “No one, including me, knew his true identity was that of a Sith Lord. I was so intrigued, by his story, so hopeful that it was possible to save your mother, that I became blinded to all else. I grasped on desperately to this one chance to save her, abandoning my loyalty to the Jedi Order, betraying my vows made to them; and willingly became an apprentice to Lord Sideous, who finally revealed himself to be a Dark Lord of the Sith. I sold my soul to him for the opportunity to save Padmé, and he used me, twisted me, and finally destroyed what was left of Anakin Skywalker to create his ultimate killing machine, the monster you know as Darth Vader.”

Luke is stunned. “That’s...that's almost unbelievable...I had no idea why you had turned. Yoda had said you chose the quick and easy path.”

I am outraged by his statement. “Easy???” I reply with emotion. “I went through such torment...I was desperate to save your mother, the thought of losing her drove me mad...and to such desperation that I was blind to what was happening to me until it was too late to turn back.”

“So what happened to her?” he asks.

“Sideous sent me to the planet Mustafar to kill the Separatists,” I remember, “but not until after I had wiped out every last Jedi in the capital; every youngling, every padawan…I brought a legion of clone troopers with me, and we slaughtered them. I…I was blinded with power…consumed by it. The more I killed, the easier it became; and yet I kept telling myself it was for her; that only through my mastery of the Dark Side could I save her.”

“But Obi Wan and Yoda survived,” Luke points out.

“Yes, they did,” I concur. Then I continue my narrative. “After I had killed all the Separatists, I was waiting for further orders from my master. Your mother’s ship landed on the platform. I ran to meet her, surprised to see her so far from home in her condition. She had come to confront me, to ask me if what Kenobi had told her was true. He had learned of the atrocities at the Jedi temple, and had come to her, telling her that I had turned to the Dark Side. She was terrified, horrified, and begged me to turn away from the path I had embarked upon, to come with her, to be with her….I tried to tell her that I was doing this to protect her, but she didn’t want to hear it.

She was heart broken, devastated by the changes in me; but I still did not listen…and then…I saw Kenobi. He had come with her…at the time I believed that she had brought him with her, lead him to me in order to kill me, and I was enraged. I felt betrayed, utterly betrayed that she would turn against me in that way.”

Luke listens patiently and then asks me the painfully simple question, “What did you do to her?”

I frown as I remember that horrible moment, the moment I have regretted for the rest of my life. “I turned on her, I believed that she and Kenobi had conspired to kill me, the darkness within me blinded me to all else but the rage and betrayal I felt - so I lashed out at her - I reached out with the Force and ...” I stop, unable to utter the words.

Luke will not be put off, however and presses me for answers. “And??”

I look up at him, anguished and contrite. “I choked her... Kenobi intervened, compelled me to release her. I did...She…she fell to the ground, unconscious. And that was when our battle began.”

Luke’s eyes widen with shock and horror. “You CHOKED her??” he asks in disbelief.

I look away, unable to stand the bitterness in my son’s eyes. “Yes,” I say quietly.

Luke speaks at once. “But she didn't die; you said this was before I was born.”

I shake my head. “No she didn’t - though I was told by Sidious that she had died, that I had killed her. It wasn’t until I learned of your existence that I found out the truth. The realization that I had killed the person I loved more than my own self, the one I had tried so desperately to save, as well as our child, was the final push - I embraced the darkness totally, for that was all I had left in the universe.”

Luke bombards me with questions now. “So when did she die? How did she die? Was it because of what you did?”

I sigh, wishing I could give him the answers he so desperately needs. “I don’t know Luke… she died shortly after you were born, that much I do know- when I learned of your existence I searched the data files of Naboo , hoping desperately that she too was alive- but I saw a hologram from her funeral, and it was dated the very next day, after my fateful fight on Mustafar with Kenobi.”

Luke nods solemnly. “So what Kenobi said, that you killed her...” he stops, clearly not sure what to say. I sense that he wants to absolve me, is desperate to do so, but isn’t quite sure that he can do it.

“I know he blames me,” I tell him, “as I have blamed myself for so many years.”

Luke stands up and starts to pace the room. “I don't know what to think,” he says softly.

I watch him, feeling the anguish within him growing. “He also told you that Darth Vader killed your father,” I point out.

Luke nods. “Yeah, he did,” he concurs.

I frown. “Kenobi’s perspective of things tends to be very black and white.”

Luke stops and looks at me. “But what he told me doesn't really matter,” he says. “What matters is the truth. This is so horribly tragic, so unnecessary….I don't know what to think, what to feel…”

I look up at my son, my heart heavy. “I wish I could give you an explanation that would make you understand it all, Luke,” I tell him. “But I cannot- all I can tell you is that I loved your mother with all my soul…but that the Dark Side twisted that love into something insidious, something monstrous. In trying to save her, I unwittingly ended up destroying us both…”

Luke cuts me off. “I don't want to hear anymore right now...I need time to digest this.”

I nod. “Of course, son; I understand that.”

Luke cannot look at me. “I need to...” he doesn’t finish his sentence and then leaves the room.

He leaves me, I hear him as he runs down the corridor outside my room. Now he truly knows me…will he still be so anxious to have me in his life now that he does? I close my eyes as the tears come, wishing I had died all those years ago on that planet so far away…

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 14

48 hours has passed, and my son has not returned, nor do I expect he will now that he knows just what a monster his father truly is.

I wait for the medical droid to leave me and then struggle to get out of the bed I have been confined to for what seems like weeks. If feels strange to stand in bare feet…I can’t remember the last time I did. I walk over to the window; amazed by the medical technology that has allowed me to be fully human again. I look out at the stars, at the rebel fleet gathered around the Endor moon, and wonder what is left of the Imperial Fleet. I was the commander of that fleet- what is happening now that Darth Vader is gone, not to mention the emperor? No doubt there is chaos and anarchy among the ranks, no one intelligent or strong enough to assume a role of leadership. I cannot help but wonder what my place is now, in this new galaxy. It is clear that my children want no part of me; it isn’t as though I can offer my expertise to their cause. Sidious’ dream is all but dead now, with just the vestiges of a once mighty empire crumbling in the wake of the victory of the Alliance. Even was the Empire intact, I would not serve in it. I am Anakin Skywalker now, once again, no longer Darth Vader. Yet, what place does Anakin Skywalker hold now? Once a heroic Jedi, a warrior that could turn the tide of a battle single handedly; but that hero turned into the enemy, betrayed all that he had sworn to protect, all that he loved…I frown, the guilt and remorse choking me.

“It’s good to see you again, old friend.”

I turn around, startled by the sound of a voice I had never thought I’d hear again. Kenobi stands there, or the image of him, shimmering with the Force.

“Old friend?” I echo, not able to keep the bitterness from my voice. “Is that what I am to you?”

Kenobi nods, his eyes watching me closely. “Surely you can remember a time when we were the best of friends, Anakin; almost brothers.”

“I remember,” I reply, walking over to him. “But I also remember Mustafar.”

Kenobi frowns, perturbed perhaps by the guilt he must feel at his cowardice.

“Mustafar was a long time ago,” he comments.

I narrow my eyes. “Yes, a long time to be living as half a person,” I retort. “Which is what you left of me. Did you enjoy watching me suffer? Did the sight of my body, or what you left of it, engulfed in flames even the score somehow?”

Kenobi shakes his head. “It was very painful to see you destroyed that way,” he says solemnly. “You were like my brother, Anakin; it broke my heart to see you turn to the Dark Side. But I had to do my best to destroy what you had become, just as you were trying to destroy me.”

“So what stopped you from finishing me off then?” I demand. “If you truly did love me as you claimed to, why was it so easy for you to walk away from me the way you did? I was in agony; you cannot even imagine the pain I endured because of what you did to me, Kenobi. Yet you walked away, rather than release me from that hellish torment. Why was that, brother?”

Kenobi looks uncomfortable, and for a moment I wonder if he will just disappear rather than answer my questions. But he does not, which I am glad for, since I have many others to ask.

“I suppose I was too weak to do it,” he admits, his eyes downcast. “I didn’t have the heart to finish you off, Anakin. I have no other explanation. I have felt remorse for that day for the rest of my life.”

I nod, watching him squirm, not believing him. “And yet not so remorseful that you weren’t above using my own son to try to destroy me,” I retort.

“I know the lies you have told Luke, how you did your best to turn him against me. Were you hoping he’d finish the job that you didn’t have the guts to finish? Is that why you poisoned his mind against me?”

“Now wait just a minute,” protests Kenobi at this point. “Your son deserved to know what had become of his father,” he retorts. “The truth, as I saw it, was that the good man I once called brother was destroyed by the evil incarnation known as Darth Vader.”

“You told him that Vader murdered his father!” I snap back. “That’s not exactly the same thing now, is it? You also had some things to tell him about Padmé too, didn’t you? Quite the expert on Skywalker family history, aren’t you Obi-Wan? But of course it’s your version of that history, not the real version; just sensational and horrifying enough to make my son hate me and do his best to kill me. Well you almost succeeded; I congratulate you on your brilliant plan.”

Kenobi is silent for a moment under my onslaught. I wonder what he will say to defend his actions; no doubt he will try.

"If you remember Mustafar as you claim to,” he begins his tone icy. “Then you must also remember what you did to your wife. If I hadn’t been there, you would have killed her. She died as a result of what you did there, of a broken heart because of the atrocities you committed, because of the way you turned on her. If that doesn’t make you guilty of her death, then I’m not sure what would.”

“Shut your mouth!” I shout at him.

But Kenobi is relentless. “I was there at her side when she gave birth to your children,” he continues, no doubt enjoying my pain. “I held her hand as the life drained from her. Her last words were about you, despite everything you did to her, despite your betrayal of her, she still loved you and believed there was good in you.”

His words sting me, like salt on my festering wounds.

“Get out of here, Kenobi,” I snap back, anger filling me. “You never understood me, never tried to! You have no idea what she meant to me, and now that I know all the truth, I have no doubt that you used her to get to me. She had no idea you were on that ship, I know that now. You snuck aboard like the cowardly bastard you are, but not before you filled her head with half truths about me as well.”

“Listen to yourself, Anakin!” he admonishes, in that tone I grew to hate. “You sound like Vader! The hatred is surging through you right now; I can feel it from here!”

I frown, hating him, but knowing that what he is saying is true; I am letting the darkness back in, and I must not allow that to happen. I turn away from him. “Leave me alone,” I tell him, my voice calmer. “You have no idea what I am going through right now. I don’t need you here making things worse. Go.”

I hear him sigh, and then there is silence. He is gone. I close my eyes, my misery overwhelming. Where do I go now? What do I do? There is no one in the galaxy that has anything but hatred for me now. I need to be alone, need to either find my way or end it all…knowing my destiny is out there, amid the stars, as indeed it always has been.

I manage to convince the medic who has been assisting in my care to procure me some suitable clothing – not exactly Jedi issue, but anything is better than sickbay garb. It has been 72 hours now since Luke stormed out of my room, confused and hurting, and he has not returned. Judging by the way things were left between us, I have serious doubts that he ever will. I feel awful that he has been so disappointed; he had such high hopes, such faith in my humanity. It was devastating to watch that faith dissolve into utter contempt and disillusionment in a matter of moments. But I really can’t expect otherwise; I deserve his scorn, his hatred, as well as that of my daughter, who has not even managed to face me since she learned of her true paternity.

I find my way to the docking bay where Luke brought me weeks earlier, and I am grateful and relieved to find that the Imperial shuttle is still there. I steal aboard, not even sure where it is that I am bound, knowing only that I must leave, that I need to be alone now, and perhaps for whatever is left of my life.

It is rather easy to leave the collection of Rebel ships; no one questions me or my destination. Of course, my ability to affect the minds’ of others is just as powerful as it ever was which is quite helpful at this point. The fact that the war is over has made my escape easier as well. Escape... is that what I am doing? Perhaps…in a manner of speaking I am...at least trying to escape. I am sure that I will never completely escape from my past, for it has haunted me for the past 22 years, and will undoubtedly do so until the day I die.

Once I am clear of the Endor moon, I check the comm. Scan for any other imperial ships in the vicinity; there are none. There were at least a dozen star destroyers ready to do battle with the Rebel Fleet, and now they are gone. Thousands of men, no, hundreds of thousands, not to mention the men on the Death Star, all dead now. I never actually considered any of those men my friends, nor even my equals; but still, the death of so many thousands is staggering. I scan the neighboring systems for any sign of Imperial activity. Is no one left alive? Surely there must be someone left, after all the fleet was enormous. Did the death of the emperor release the thousands of officers and men from their obligation? Are they now in hiding, fearing retribution from whatever new government will eventually emerge from the bedlam that the galaxy has now been thrown into?

I make my heading for Coruscant, feeling that if there was anyone left alive it would be there that I would find them. I have spent very little time at the Capital in the past two decades, leaving the political socializing and public relations to Sidious. He never tired of the fawning of sycophants, the intrigue of political life; something I have always hated.

As I approach what used to be my home, the memories of a former lifetime flood my mind. I remember the first time I saw the capital, when I was a boy of only 9, brought here by Qui-Gon Jinn. I remember standing on a landing platform surrounded by dignitaries as then Senator Palpatine greeted Queen Amidala, or who I believed to be her. I remember Padmé peeking over at me to give me a smile, knowing no doubt how overwhelmed I was by all that was happening. Padmé…my beloved Padmé..if only things had been different…how I wish I could go back in time and make them so…

The Galactic Senate once sat in the massive domed building that predominates the Coruscant skyline; but no more. Sidious dissolved the senate years earlier, eradicating what was left of the old Republic once and for all. My Padmé would have been outraged by such a move; in some ways it is perhaps best that she did not live to see what had happened to the galaxy. She had always been so devoted to the cause of democracy, of justice and equality; Sidious’ rape of the galaxy would have broken her heart. No doubt she would have fought along side our children to change things…how ironic that would have been.

The Jedi Temple is still standing, never having been torn down, never having been repaired after the attacks so many years ago. Attacks lead by me…I remember the screams of the younglings, their utter shock and confusion by my actions as I slew them one by one without a second’s hesitation. That was the day I lost my soul...I can’t help but wonder if my actions on the Death Star, my hand in the destruction of the Empire, are truly enough to redeem me. There is so much blood on my hands, so many lives, so many souls...

I know the layout of this building so well, having spent much of my youth in these halls. It is eerie to walk through them alone now; the ghosts of the slaughtered Jedi seem to hover everywhere.

I find my way to the workshop, hoping that I will find what I need. It has been many years since I have built a lightsaber, but the knowledge is something that anyone who has ever studied the Jedi arts never loses. My only concern is will I find the materials I need? Most important of all in the construction of a lightsaber is the crystals; they are the heart of the saber, and primarily responsible for both the conversion of energy from the power cell, and for the transfer into the arc wave. Before my fall to the Dark Side, I had always preferred the blue crystal, which represents the role of guardian, specializing in the in the use of the lightsaber and Force fighting techniques. I had always seen myself as a warrior, even though my master tried to curb these tendencies in me. I noticed that my son chose green for his own saber, after losing the one I had left behind on Mustafar. Mediation over combat; that seems more Luke’s style, I reflect. The thought of my son creates an ache in my heart, as I wonder if I will ever see him again. I push the thought from my mind and concentrate on the task at hand.

I find the materials I need, stored away in the same neat orderly fashion I remember. The ancient art that was taught to me so many years ago comes back to me so easily; the construction is almost effortless for me. Somehow the construction of a Jedi saber, rather than a Sith saber soothes me, almost as though I am rebuilding a part of myself.

Aligning the crystals is the critical part of the construction, and to do it I call upon the Force to guide me. There are no droids around to test its activation, so I must make sure that I am absolutely accurate, or the immense power housed within the chamber could detonate, blowing me to bits.

After nearly three hours, the saber is complete. I hold it in my hand, liking the feel of the grip. Somehow this saber is like me, representative of my rebirth. I muse over this metaphor as I examine my new weapon. With trepidation I bring my finger to the activation matrix, summoning my nerve. I slide the switch upward, and watch with relief and pride as the bright blue blade emerges from the energy channel. I smile, the satisfaction I feel reminiscent of the occasion when I had built my first saber, 35 years ago, under the watchful eye of my master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I frown as I remember the conversation back at the medical frigate, at the rush of anger and hatred I felt under the assault of his accusations. I push the thoughts of him from my mind, knowing they will only lead me to feelings of anger, of darkness.

I deactivate my new saber, and, without thinking, move to hook it onto my belt. I don’t have a belt…I frown, thinking for a moment how I can solve this new dilemma. An idea strikes me, but I know it is a long shot. Still, the facilities here seem to have been left intact- I may be in luck.

I leave the Jedi Temple, a true Jedi once again. The familiarity of the Jedi cloak is a comforting feel, one I didn’t expect to ever experience again. I am met on the steps by an imperial officer, who is flanked by a group of stormtroopers. They train their weapons on me, stopping me in my tracks.

“Put your hands where we can see them,” orders the officer. I comply, not wishing to draw them into a skirmish.

“What are you doing here?” demands the officer. “How did you get into the temple?”

I smile. “Why captain, don’t you recognize the commander of the fleet out of uniform? Or maybe it’s the absence of the mask that has thrown you off.”

The man’s eyes narrow. “Darth Vader is the commander of the Imperial Fleet,” he replies. “And he was killed along with the Emperor on board the Death Star. What kind of a sick joke are you trying to pull, anyway?”

I walk up to him, ignoring the troopers who prepare to fire their weapons at a moment’s notice.
“I never joke,” I tell him, looking him straight in the eye. “If you know Vader at all you would know that is the truth.”

The officer looks confused for a moment, not sure what to believe.

“How many troops are stationed here?” I ask him, bending his mind easily with the Force.

“Three legions,” he replies immediately. “Most were sent to the Endor moon, but we’ve heard that they were all lost.”

I nod. “Yes, they were,” I reply. “None were left alive after the Death Star was destroyed.”

The officer frowns, the cloud of confusion starting to dissipate. “How do you know?”

“I was there,” I reply simply. “Now step aside; I have more important things to do than answer questions from a simple minded subordinate.”

The officer lets me go, his mind utterly confused by what has just transpired. I have no interest in issuing orders to imperial peons any more; half of my life has been spent doing so. I have personal matters that need my attention; what’s left of the once mighty Empire can go to Hell for all I care now, I’ve done my part.

[therealthing]

CHAPTER 15

500 Republica Boulevard…an address I know well, but one I’m not certain I have the courage to face after all these years. Yet I feel compelled to try, to do my best to face the ghosts that will undoubtedly haunt me there.

As I travel up the elevator, I am reminded of the first time I ever set foot in this elegant establishment, so many years ago. I was a boy of 19, a padawan learner, bursting with teenage self-importance and cockiness. I hadn’t seen Padmé in ten years, and was nervous, excited and apprehensive all at once. I recall trying so hard to be smooth, to impress her; and yet I managed only to embarrass myself, making my feelings for her painfully obvious to all present. I close my eyes as I relive that moment again, the image of her radiant smile forever burned in my memory.

Ani?? My goodness you've grown!

So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean... and much shorter... for a Senator, I mean.

Oh Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.
How annoyed Obi-Wan was with me- how disapproving. He knew from the beginning how I felt about her, but never offered anything but scolding and lectures to assuage my confusion and heartache.

The elevator stops, and I open my eyes. A message appears on the comm. Screen, telling me that access to the penthouse apartment is prohibited without authorization. I frown, not about to be put off by someone’s rules. This was my home, the only home I truly ever had; I will see it again, rules be damned. I close my eyes and use the Force to override the computer controls on the elevator. It lurches and starts moving upward again.

The doors open, and I step out into the vestibule. How many times was I greeted in this spot by my beloved, having been separated for weeks, sometimes months, during the course of the Clone Wars. We were always so careful to keep our marriage secret, but here we were able to demonstrate our affection openly, without fear.

I walk into the apartment slowly, the memories flooding my mind. Happy memories, of joyful reunions, of laughter, of passion; our time together was always so short, but we lived so much in those precious moments, perhaps more than most people do in a lifetime together.

My throat constricts as I walk from room to room. The furniture is covered up, the art work packed, as though someone had tried to prepare the apartment for resale, but had decided against it. No doubt the fate of the former owner was well known to the gossiping Coruscant citizens, making this place undesirable for superstitious reasons.

I walk out onto the balcony, the Coruscant skyline red with the setting sun. I remember the last time I was here, that fateful day so long ago. Padmé was terrified, the sight of the Jedi Temple in flames having made her fear the worst. I told her that I was going to Mustafar, to wait for me; I tried to reassure her that all would be well, but even then I think she knew that things would never be well again. What would have happened if I hadn’t told her where I was going? She never would have followed me there, Obi-Wan never would have stolen away aboard her ship, and I never would have lost my temper thinking she had betrayed me. If only I had the power to change the past…to reverse the way things had turned out. But even “The Chosen One”, with more power than any Jedi could ever have dreamed of, is helpless to change the past.

I feel exhausted now, and am suddenly reminded that, technically, I’m a convalescent. I rub my eyes, still amazed that I can do such as simple thing as that again, and ponder where I will spend the night. Do I dare sleep here? No one knows I’m here, I’ve made sure of that, but do I have the courage to spend a night in the bed that I once shared with my beloved wife?

I walk to the bedroom, bracing myself for the onslaught of memories that are sure to hit me as soon as I enter the room. It is dark, for the curtains are drawn. My movements, however, soon activate the remote illumination program, and instantly the room is full of incandescent light. I catch sight of myself in the large round mirror on the wall, and stop in my tracks. Is that truly my own reflection I see there? It hardly seems possible. It has been so long since I have donned the garb of the Jedi, and it takes me back to a happier time. I notice that I am starting to grow back hair now, and rub my chin as though to prove that my eyes are not playing tricks on me. It’s a miracle…

Everything is as I remember in this room, down to the last piece of artwork on the wall. It seems as though the would-be movers hadn’t reached this part of the apartment yet, for nothing has been moved or packed away. I walk slowly over to the bed, my heart beating hard in my chest. Tentatively I sit down on the edge of it, closing my eyes as the images bombard my brain. I put my face in my hands, unable to stop the tears now as my heart aches with remembering. She is gone…how will I ever get over the pain of her loss? How can I go on knowing that I am responsible for her death? I weep into my hands, with no one there to hear me, no one there to comfort me; alone as I fear I will spend the rest of my days.

I don’t recall falling asleep, but at some point I did, for several hours later I wake up. I recognize the sounds of the room, the shapes visible in the dark; and for a brief agonizing moment I am confused, believing that I am 21 years old again, and that my darling wife is asleep at my side. But she is not; and I am not 21. I am alone, and she is gone. I close my eyes again, pushing the painful thoughts from my mind, willing my body to go back to sleep. It works.

Anakin…Anakin...can you hear me? I open my eyes, and in the dim light of dawn see a figure standing beside the bed. I squint, trying to discern out who it is, but it is hard to see. The figure speaks again, and this time I recognize the voice.

Ani, it’s me.Padmé?? I ask, not daring to hope. Is it really you?

Yes, Ani, she replies, I am here.

Am I dreaming?

Yes and no.

I don’t understand…

Ani I want you to promise me something.

Anything!!

I want you to promise that you will be there for our children that you will go back to them. They need you – and you need them.

I nod my head, though I’m not thoroughly convinced. I reach out to her. Padmé, my beautiful Padmé…I am so sorry...so sorry for everything…I love you, Padmé …I miss you so much...

She smiles. I love you too, Ani, but this is the way it must be. I forgive you Ani- you must now forgive yourself and live the life you were destined to live.

What does that mean?

But she doesn’t answer, and I suddenly wake up.

I sit up in the bed, look around, but even before I do I know that she is not there. Was that a dream? Or was she truly here, in some form? My hands are trembling; I am so shaken by the vision of her. The anguish is unbearable, and part of me wishes I would never wake up, if she is there in that nebulous state of semi consciousness. Wishing I had answers, I get up, feeling that, perhaps, my life might be worth living after all.

I prepare to leave the apartment, taking with me what few belongings I had left behind here. Discretion was always paramount with Padmé; I used to love teasing her, threatening to make a big public display of my love for her. I smile now as I remember how easily she fell for my mischievous sense of humor. How I miss her!

I stand in the middle of the large central room as the sun slowly begins to rise in the Coruscant sky. There are so many memories; I feel her presence in every corner of every room. The strength that I had awoken with has left me. The vision of Padmé was but a dream, her loving, encouraging words nothing but my own mind’s desperate need for absolution. I sit down, suddenly feeling tired and defeated. I rest my face in my hands, wishing I had answers, longing for direction.

“Anakin, you mustn’t give in to despair. You are stronger than this.”

I look up at the sound of the voice and see Qui G’on standing before me. I look up at my one time master.

“I don’t know if I am, Master Qui G’on,” I tell him. “I don’t know what my place is anymore. I’m not even sure I have one.”

“Of course you have a place,” he admonishes me gently. “You are the Chosen One. I have always known that about you, Anakin, ever since you were a young boy, and I still believe it.”

I frown. “How can I be the Chosen One after all that I have done? I was Darth Vader for more than twenty years, and during those years I committed such horrendous acts of evil…even against my beloved wife and children!”

Qui G’on listens patiently, just as he always has. “I know what the Dark Side did to you, Anakin,” he replies. “I wish I could have guided you away from its path; but perhaps that was not my destiny. Perhaps I would have failed even if I’d tried. Did you ever consider that the prophecy about the Chosen One was misunderstood? That it was your destiny to fall into darkness before redemption?”

I shake my head. “No, it does not seem right. I have done such terrible things, such unspeakable acts…how could any of that amounted to something besides destruction?”

Qui G’on smiles. “I know you feel tremendous guilt for the life you’ve led this past 20 years, Anakin; but nothing can be done about that now. The past is the past; your sacrifice to save your son redeemed you, brought you out of the Darkness. Now you have a chance to live the life you were meant to live.”

His words strike a chord with me, for they are strangely reminiscent of the words my vision of Padmé spoke to me. “I…I dreamed of Padmé last night,” I tell him, my eyes cast downward. “I dream of her often, but last night was different. It was as though she was trying to communicate with me; at least that’s what I’d like to think.”

“Indeed it may have been that she was, Anakin,” replies Qui G’on. “Only those who were Jedi in life are strong enough with the Force to return from the netherworld as I am right now, but perhaps there are paths that others can take, such as the one she took to speak to you.”

I look up at him as new hope stirs within me. “You mean what she said to me…was true?”

Qui G’on nods. “Perhaps. What did she tell you, Anakin?”

I think for a moment as I recall her words. “She…she told me that she forgives me, that she loves me…and that our children need me as much as I need them. She...she also told me that I must forgive myself,” I conclude quietly.

My former master nods as he listens. “Words of wisdom, my former padawan; you must forgive yourself, otherwise your life will be nothing but despair. You have a chance to reclaim your children, Anakin! A chance to undo the hurt you’ve caused them, to build back what you helped to destroy. Don’t you want that chance?”

I look at Qui G’on, remembering how much he meant to me even though I’d known him such a short time. I can’t help but wonder how differently I’d have turned out had he been there to guide me all along.

“Yes,” I reply at last. “I do. More than anything.”

“Then go to your son,” he urges. “He is looking for you. Go to him, Anakin; build your relationship with him.”

“And my daughter?” I ask. “What of Leia? She wants nothing to do with me; she hates me.”

“Give her time,” he advises. “She has only recently learned that you are her father, it will take her time to accept you, but she will. Be patient, Anakin.”

I smile. “I’ve heard those words from you many times, Master,” I say.

Qui G’on laughs. “Yes, I’m sure. Now go, Anakin. And may the Force be with you.”


He is looking for me…

Although I do not doubt Qui G’on, I cannot help but be skeptical at the same time. The last time Luke and I spoke was terrible, and he left full of anger and bitterness. Were I in his place, I’m not sure I could ever forgive my part in Padmé’s death; and I’m not certain he will either. As for Leia, she knows nothing of that nightmare yet. No doubt such knowledge will only strengthen her convictions that I am nothing but a monster. Perhaps she’s right...

I leave Coruscant, not knowing where to go. If Luke is looking for me, then that means he has left the medical frigate as well as the rebel fleet. Where would he go to look for me? I concentrate; feel the power of the Force fill me as I search for my son in the vastness of the galaxy. The connection between us is a powerful one, one that even light years cannot weaken.

In my mind’s eye I see my son. He is anxious to find me, determined to do so. I sense his anguish even from this distance, and it grieves me to know that I am responsible for this. Is what Qui’Gon said possible? Is there truly a way that I can undo the hurt I have caused my children? To rebuild all that I have spent a lifetime destroying? If there is, then I shall devote the rest of my life to finding it, for only then will I truly know redemption.

“Shuttle Axion, do you read? Father, are you there?”

I am startled out of my reverie by the communications panel. Relief fills me at the sound of my son’s voice.

“Yes, I’m here,” I reply.

“Where are you? Why did you leave without a word to anyone?” he asks, the reproach in his voice overshadowed only by the hurt.

“I’m just leaving Coruscant,” I tell him, ignoring the second part of his question for now. “You’re on your way to Naboo, aren’t you?”

Luke is silent for a moment, surprised perhaps that I am able to read his thoughts from so far away. “Yes,” he replies at last. “I didn’t know where else to go…I was…I was worried about you, Father.”

I smile. “No need,” I reply. “But thank you.”

“Will you meet me there?” he asks. “There’s so much I need to ask, so many questions I have. I don’t like the way things were left the last time we spoke, and I want to talk to you, I need to talk to you, Father. Will you come to Naboo?”

I frown, the thought of returning to that planet is a painful one; yet I cannot refuse my son this request. He is reaching out to me, and I am lucky that I am being given a second chance, seemingly. “Of course,” I reply. “I’ll meet you in the main square in Theed. I should be there…” I check my navicomputer, “in 20 hours or so.”

“I’ll be there sooner,” replies Luke. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Very well,” I reply. “I’ll see you then.”

The hum of the hyperdrive engine is soothing, reminding me of happier times in my life. I have always felt at home in deep space.

The ship is in control for now, so I close my eyes and allow myself to drift off into sleep.

I am back on the Death Star in the detention block. The sound of my boots resonates loudly in the narrow corridor, the droid behind me hovering and humming like a giant malevolent insect. I reach my destination, cell 2487. The door slides open and the prisoner within looks up.

She is tiny, clad all in white, not much more than a girl, really; and yet she gives me a look of utter defiance that belies the fear I see in her mind. I speak to her.
“And now, your Highness, we shall discuss the location of your hidden rebel base,” I tell her. She is about to offer a curt reply, but at this moment the interrogation droid enters the room, its 15cm long syringe sparkling menacingly in the glare of the overhead lights. The girl cannot hide her terror, her mask of defiance falls as she realizes what is about to happen. I approach her to make sure she doesn’t move…

I wake up with a start, the screams of my daughter still echoing in my brain. My hands tremble, the memory of that monstrous episode having left me shaken and ashamed. Is it any wonder she hates me? How could she not? I recall all too vividly holding her captive, physically restraining her so that she was forced to watch the annihilation of her home world of Alderaan. What monstrosity, what utter malevolence… her entire world obliterated just to prove a point. I knew Bail Organa- he was a good man, and the only father she’d ever had. I suppose if I’d had to choose a man to raise my daughter it might have been him; I wonder if I’d have done nearly as good a job had I the chance…

The sound of the warning signal coming from the navi-computer shakes me from my somber reflections. I cut in the sub light engines, as Naboo approaches quickly.

Memories bombard me as I make my landing. Naboo…the most beautiful planet in the galaxy, the planet where I knew pure, utter happiness. I cannot help but wonder if the Jedi Council, in their infinite wisdom, knew how dangerous it was to send Padmé and I off alone. Were they really so short sighted not to realize that we would be drawn to one another? Were they so blind that they did not see the attraction that already existed between us? Obi-Wan knew- how could he not? He knew me better than anyone, he knew how just being around her made my heart race…and yet we were sent here, for weeks, alone in the idyllic isolation of her family’s lake home.

I can see her now, standing beside me as she gazes out at the lake…I can smell the sweet scent of her, feel the silkiness of her skin as I trace my finger along her bare back, half expecting her to protest, hoping with all my heart that she would respond to my touch. And she did; we shared our first kiss right there under the bright Naboo sun.

“You are clear to land.”

My thoughts are interrupted by the comm.

“Proceed to platform 421.”

“Copy that,” I respond and make my way to the designated heading.

Theed is crowded as always, the main square congested with beings from all corners of the galaxy. I look up at the palace, remembering the grand celebration that took place here after the Trade Federation had been defeated by the combined forces of the Naboo and the Gungans.

I was a mere boy of 9 at the time, thrown headlong into a major conflict that I really had no understanding of. And yet, somehow I managed to pay a significant role in the outcome, justifying Qui Gon’s faith in me. If only his encounter with the mysterious Sith Lord Darth Maul had ended differently...

“Father? Is that really you?”

I am shaken from my reflections by the sound of my son’s voice. I turn around to see him standing there. It is good to see him, and I smile.

“Yes Luke, it’s me,” I tell him. “Don’t you recognize me?”

Luke looks at me shaking his head. “You look...so different. Every bit a Jedi.”

I look down at myself, remembering suddenly that my son has never seen me this way. “I was fortunate to find these at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant,” I explain. “I was also able to construct this,” I add, showing him my new lightsaber.

Luke takes if from me and examines it admiringly. He looks up at me. “It’s marvelous,” he says.

I can see the pride and admiration in his eyes, and it touches my heart. “It’s good to see you, son,” I tell him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I…I was afraid I never see you again after our last conversation.”

My son looks away, uncomfortable at the memory of the last time we spoke.

“It was a lot to process,” he says at last. “It was not easy to hear. I just needed some time to sort it all out.”

I nod my understanding. “And now that you have?” I ask him. “Where do we go from here?”

“I’d like to visit her grave,” replies Luke, looking up at me. “I will never be able to meet her, it’s the least I can do.”

“Of course,” I reply. “I can take you there as soon as you’re ready.”

Luke seems surprised. “You’ve been there, then?” he asks. “When?”

“It was a few years after her death,” I remember. “It was very difficult…to finally say goodbye to her. I had always harbored a secret hope that Palpatine was wrong about her death; but he wasn’t.”

Luke nods. “Will you take me to her, Father?”

“Yes Luke,” I reply. “Let’s go now.”